Comments on: How I Came Out to My Wife http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife Exploring the social taboo of being oneself. The life of a crossdresser - there's a lot more to it than just appearance. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:54:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Gabrielle http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-35382 Gabrielle Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:54:40 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-35382 Hi Cindy.  I understand your frustration regarding straight men wanting to see women engaged in lesbian activities.  My wife shares your sentiment, as do many women. Questioning my sexual orientation (or that of any other man, trans or not) will not alter the reality that many straight men simply enjoy the idea of two beautiful women engaged in sexual activities with each other.  Not all men (who enjoy the idea) will admit to this for a number of reasons, but it's very common. The context in which I bring it up in my article is to illustrate that my wife's sexual interest in me as "Gabrielle" is not based in a secret lesbian desire, which I thought the question might arise if not addressed.  In other words, it is entirely possible for a straight woman to be romantically interested with a crossdresser without there being "something more to it", in terms of her sexual orientation.  People often try to explain away the complex *realities* of life in simpler, yet very inaccurate ways, because it feels less threatening to their personal belief system that way. Hi Cindy.  I understand your frustration regarding straight men wanting to see women engaged in lesbian activities.  My wife shares your sentiment, as do many women.

Questioning my sexual orientation (or that of any other man, trans or not) will not alter the reality that many straight men simply enjoy the idea of two beautiful women engaged in sexual activities with each other.  Not all men (who enjoy the idea) will admit to this for a number of reasons, but it’s very common.

The context in which I bring it up in my article is to illustrate that my wife’s sexual interest in me as “Gabrielle” is not based in a secret lesbian desire, which I thought the question might arise if not addressed.  In other words, it is entirely possible for a straight woman to be romantically interested with a crossdresser without there being “something more to it”, in terms of her sexual orientation.  People often try to explain away the complex *realities* of life in simpler, yet very inaccurate ways, because it feels less threatening to their personal belief system that way.

]]> By: cindy http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-35381 cindy Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:30:19 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-35381 yes, i am a GG. I found it very strange, if Gabby is a heterosexual male, that he would try and encourage his wife, who is a heterosexual female, to consider being sexual with another female. What does he not get about a heterosexual female. I really do question his sexuality, if he is truly honest with himself. What a turn off for a women, her husband encouraging lesbian sex. yes, i am a GG. I found it very strange, if Gabby is a heterosexual male, that he would try and encourage his wife, who is a heterosexual female, to consider being sexual with another female. What does he not get about a heterosexual female. I really do question his sexuality, if he is truly honest with himself. What a turn off for a women, her husband encouraging lesbian sex.

]]> By: bobbieslut2 http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-35344 bobbieslut2 Wed, 07 Dec 2011 06:25:24 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-35344 My mariage ended in divorce in 2004 but not over my cross dressing issues. Sadly my need to be a sissy is stronger than ever. But I am living alone and seeking a new life partner I havederessed and have not dressed as a woman since August 2011 My mariage ended in divorce in 2004 but not over my cross dressing issues. Sadly my need to be a sissy is stronger than ever. But I am living alone and seeking a new life partner I havederessed and have not dressed as a woman since August 2011

]]> By: Lyner http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-35173 Lyner Sun, 29 May 2011 05:29:53 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-35173 Hi Suzy As a wife of a CD - I think I understand what is happening with your wife. I don't know how your marriage all panned out but I can speculate what she must have been feeling. I completely accept my husband; I love every bit of him/her. Like Gabrielle's wife, I am attracted to both of my husband's sides sexually. I have been out with him en femme and had a great time at the bar. I help him pick out clothes and he is planning a drag show that I am involved with. However, I would not be comfortable finding out that he made plans with family or friends to meet in femme without having discussed it with me first. We have teenagers and I almost completely walked out on our relationship when my husband suggested we let the kids see him en femme. I’m just not ready to share THAT much with the kids for now. They KNOW he is a crossdresser and they KNOW he wants his own drag show and they are supportive BUT wanting a certain level of privacy is something that is very important to me and I'm sure it is important to any wife – I just didn’t feel comfortable with my husband being that visible. Whatever our CD husbands decide will DEFINITELY impact us. Our lives are intertwined to our husbands and we are on the SAME journey with them. Though the husband might be ready for an audience....the wife might not. What I am saying might not sound fair to any of the CDs that are reading this but if your wife supports you, if your wife loves every bit of you and that you value your relationship with her, you need to value her opinion, and value her privacy as well. Most of our friends know and family on his side knows about the CD in my husband and they LOVE him for it. Gabrielle is right, it’s a gift and keeps our life rich with excitement, BUT no matter how comfortable I am - I guarantee I am still not ready for my brothers to know. I think I would be VERY upset if my husband decided for me that my brothers needed to know. I would question his respect for me. I’m not saying he has to ask permission, but I certainly would like to be considered for such an impacting decision. I find it important that my husband love himself as much as I love him….but I still am anxious about family members knowing. Hi Suzy
As a wife of a CD – I think I understand what is happening with your wife. I don’t know how your marriage all panned out but I can speculate what she must have been feeling. I completely accept my husband; I love every bit of him/her. Like Gabrielle’s wife, I am attracted to both of my husband’s sides sexually. I have been out with him en femme and had a great time at the bar. I help him pick out clothes and he is planning a drag show that I am involved with. However, I would not be comfortable finding out that he made plans with family or friends to meet in femme without having discussed it with me first. We have teenagers and I almost completely walked out on our relationship when my husband suggested we let the kids see him en femme. I’m just not ready to share THAT much with the kids for now. They KNOW he is a crossdresser and they KNOW he wants his own drag show and they are supportive BUT wanting a certain level of privacy is something that is very important to me and I’m sure it is important to any wife – I just didn’t feel comfortable with my husband being that visible. Whatever our CD husbands decide will DEFINITELY impact us. Our lives are intertwined to our husbands and we are on the SAME journey with them. Though the husband might be ready for an audience….the wife might not. What I am saying might not sound fair to any of the CDs that are reading this but if your wife supports you, if your wife loves every bit of you and that you value your relationship with her, you need to value her opinion, and value her privacy as well. Most of our friends know and family on his side knows about the CD in my husband and they LOVE him for it. Gabrielle is right, it’s a gift and keeps our life rich with excitement, BUT no matter how comfortable I am – I guarantee I am still not ready for my brothers to know. I think I would be VERY upset if my husband decided for me that my brothers needed to know. I would question his respect for me. I’m not saying he has to ask permission, but I certainly would like to be considered for such an impacting decision.
I find it important that my husband love himself as much as I love him….but I still am anxious about family members knowing.

]]> By: Suzy http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-13333 Suzy Sat, 18 Sep 2010 22:05:53 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-13333 What a wonderful story! My own is not quite so happy. I came out to my (future) wife on the very first night we were together. At first she seemed to accept it, even embrace it. Over time, though, it eventually came out that she was bothered by it and couldn't completely accept it. We got married anyway and have had many good years together, but this aspect has put something of a wall up. I know she feels a little left out and I have tried a couple of times suggesting that she come with me like she used to but she does not seem interested in doing so. Recently I had an unpleasant surprise. She was taking her mother on a trip to Ireland and I told her that while she was gone that a friend of mine and his wife were going to go out to dinner with Suzy. She suddenly got silent. She knew that I had been going out lately during the day (I'm a teacher and so I had some time off lately). Her impression was that I was trying to get "caught" by people who know me, which isn't the case at all. I recently told her that on a recent vacation, far from home, I went out for a couple of days as Suzy, but no real reaction. I told her that it hurt me that she would say this about me wanting to be caught while dressed. It's so far from my true motivation. I said I was merely "testing my limits," but that didn't seem to do any good either. Now Suzy is further removed than ever from her and will probably remain so for awhile. I do not want to just give up going out as Suzy in straight society; I have never been happier and more fulfilled with Suzy as I have been in recent weeks. It's very tough for us to talk about. She knows that I'm spending quite a bit of money lately on clothes and makeup (the money, however, isn't the issue). I'm just hoping now that she will broach the subject with me, but now it's just one of those things that she doesn't want to talk about. Suzy What a wonderful story! My own is not quite so happy. I came out to my (future) wife on the very first night we were together. At first she seemed to accept it, even embrace it. Over time, though, it eventually came out that she was bothered by it and couldn’t completely accept it. We got married anyway and have had many good years together, but this aspect has put something of a wall up. I know she feels a little left out and I have tried a couple of times suggesting that she come with me like she used to but she does not seem interested in doing so.

Recently I had an unpleasant surprise. She was taking her mother on a trip to Ireland and I told her that while she was gone that a friend of mine and his wife were going to go out to dinner with Suzy. She suddenly got silent. She knew that I had been going out lately during the day (I’m a teacher and so I had some time off lately). Her impression was that I was trying to get “caught” by people who know me, which isn’t the case at all. I recently told her that on a recent vacation, far from home, I went out for a couple of days as Suzy, but no real reaction. I told her that it hurt me that she would say this about me wanting to be caught while dressed. It’s so far from my true motivation. I said I was merely “testing my limits,” but that didn’t seem to do any good either. Now Suzy is further removed than ever from her and will probably remain so for awhile. I do not want to just give up going out as Suzy in straight society; I have never been happier and more fulfilled with Suzy as I have been in recent weeks.

It’s very tough for us to talk about. She knows that I’m spending quite a bit of money lately on clothes and makeup (the money, however, isn’t the issue). I’m just hoping now that she will broach the subject with me, but now it’s just one of those things that she doesn’t want to talk about.

Suzy

]]> By: Gabrielle http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-12018 Gabrielle Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:13:54 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-12018 Hi Gina. Glad you enjoyed my coming out story. I wish yours was going a bit better. Sorry to hear that you're having trouble with things in that respect. If you feel that things aren't going well so far, maybe try to just avoid the topic for a while, if possible. Regroup and get your thoughts and emotions sorted out before getting further into things. Also try to prepare for how your wife may react to the news. If you have a good understanding about things yourself and take an intelligent approach to explaining things to your wife, you will greatly increase the chances of things turning out well. If you haven't already, maybe take the time to read my advice about coming out to your wife (see the related link at the end of this post, above comments). There are no guarantees that things will have a happy outcome, but taking a smart, well thought out approach is always the best way. I wish you and your wife the best of luck. :) Hi Gina. Glad you enjoyed my coming out story. I wish yours was going a bit better. Sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with things in that respect.

If you feel that things aren’t going well so far, maybe try to just avoid the topic for a while, if possible. Regroup and get your thoughts and emotions sorted out before getting further into things. Also try to prepare for how your wife may react to the news. If you have a good understanding about things yourself and take an intelligent approach to explaining things to your wife, you will greatly increase the chances of things turning out well.

If you haven’t already, maybe take the time to read my advice about coming out to your wife (see the related link at the end of this post, above comments). There are no guarantees that things will have a happy outcome, but taking a smart, well thought out approach is always the best way.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck. :)

]]> By: Gina http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-12008 Gina Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:11:06 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-12008 Hi not sure how to start, but my wife are having trouble. I have tried to open up to her but she does not seem to ask ? About any of it. Been to a cousaling witch cost to much for me and was really depessed. Than the the other day she found some colthing and asked about. Did not handle that very well. So today I've. Down and not sure what to. She texted me saying she may not be home when I get home. Not sure about anything right now. I've been crossdressing off and on for over 30+ years with a precentage of it in the service you know how that can be. At this time not sure who I can turn to. Loved your story. Hi not sure how to start, but my wife are having trouble. I have tried to open up to her but she does not seem to ask ? About any of it. Been to a cousaling witch cost to much for me and was really depessed. Than the the other day she found some colthing and asked about. Did not handle that very well. So today I’ve. Down and not sure what to. She texted me saying she may not be home when I get home. Not sure about anything right now. I’ve been crossdressing off and on for over 30+ years with a precentage of it in the service you know how that can be. At this time not sure who I can turn to. Loved your story.

]]> By: Gabrielle http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-2341 Gabrielle Sun, 21 Mar 2010 23:26:37 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-2341 Congratulations on coming out to your wife, Kittie! :) Thanks for sharing. It's certainly not an easy thing to do, but is the right thing to do. I'm happy to hear that she seemed accepting upon initial delivery of the news. There may be an adjustment period in which she tries to wrap her head around exactly what this means. During this time, she may have more questions for you and potentially display a mix of acceptance and non-acceptance at times while she works it out in her mind. Give her the time and understanding she needs to sort things out. I hope things continue to be positive on this front for the two of you. :) Congratulations on coming out to your wife, Kittie! :) Thanks for sharing. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do, but is the right thing to do. I’m happy to hear that she seemed accepting upon initial delivery of the news. There may be an adjustment period in which she tries to wrap her head around exactly what this means. During this time, she may have more questions for you and potentially display a mix of acceptance and non-acceptance at times while she works it out in her mind. Give her the time and understanding she needs to sort things out. I hope things continue to be positive on this front for the two of you. :)

]]> By: Kittie http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-2340 Kittie Sun, 21 Mar 2010 22:22:48 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-2340 I came out this morning to my wife about CD. She seemed to accept it and had realised some of it. I wear bra, panties, tights & nightie. also skirt but she wasn't too happy about that and it will take time I came out this morning to my wife about CD. She seemed to accept it and had realised some of it. I wear bra, panties, tights & nightie. also skirt but she wasn’t too happy about that and it will take time

]]> By: Gabrielle http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/03/how-i-came-out-to-my-wife/comment-page-1#comment-2076 Gabrielle Wed, 10 Mar 2010 23:12:15 +0000 http://www.mycdlife.com/?p=272#comment-2076 Thanks for taking the time to say hi and share, Ashley. :) I'm sorry to hear that your wife is put off by your feminine side. Sadly, that is very common among many trans-folk. :( Perhaps in time, you will find a way to take your crossdressing out of the closet and be able to share it with others in some meaningful way. Your friendship website seems like a good start in that regard. So long as you're alive, your possibilities are endless and I do encourage you to explore and find (safe) ways of expanding this aspect of your life. Maybe in time, your wife will be a little more open to this part of your life, too. I wish you much luck with things! :) Just to be clear, my wife is supporting, but that does not make for a perfect marriage by any means. We have our moments just like any married couple - trust me! Her acceptance of my feminine side is very cherished, though, and I am grateful for her presence in my life. Thanks for taking the time to say hi and share, Ashley. :) I’m sorry to hear that your wife is put off by your feminine side. Sadly, that is very common among many trans-folk. :( Perhaps in time, you will find a way to take your crossdressing out of the closet and be able to share it with others in some meaningful way. Your friendship website seems like a good start in that regard. So long as you’re alive, your possibilities are endless and I do encourage you to explore and find (safe) ways of expanding this aspect of your life. Maybe in time, your wife will be a little more open to this part of your life, too. I wish you much luck with things! :)

Just to be clear, my wife is supporting, but that does not make for a perfect marriage by any means. We have our moments just like any married couple – trust me! Her acceptance of my feminine side is very cherished, though, and I am grateful for her presence in my life.

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