Comments on: Getting Busted and Learning to Hate Myself

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 22:01:12 +0000

Hi Mary, thanks for sharing :). Sorry to hear that you got busted at a young age, too, and that your mother gave you a hard time about it until the end. It’s too bad it had to go down like that. I’m also sorry to hear that your marriage isn’t fairing well (unless you’d be happier apart, that is). At least it sounds like you’re becoming more comfortable with who you are and starting to explore more. It’s good that you have a good friend you can share it with, too. A good friend is priceless! Send her my love for being such a cool friend to you, and be sure to let her know how much you value her presence in your life, too.

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:19:22 +0000

Hi Gabrielle, I was caught at the age of 12, wearing my mother’s go-go boots. I never heard the end of it until the day she died. After then I started slowly accepting who I was and started to enjoy it, only alone because I didn’t want to upset my wife. Now that we’re almost divorce, it’s much easier now. I have a lady friend now who is understanding about my dressing up, and she encourages me sometimes! Last month she took me for my first pedicure-manicure, and we both got blue polish on our toes! Yes, it’s still there, I haven’t taken it off yet. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I’ll continue to share mine!

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 17:10:39 +0000

I'm glad you've decided to embrace yourself and be yourself, manisa. That's a healthy move in the right direction. At 16, I was deep in self-denial about who I was, and remained in self-denial for many years after. I had no real understanding of the feelings I had. I certainly hope that you have a good understanding of who you are, should you follow through with your plans to come out. You may face a lot of questions from those you share this with, so be sure you are emotionally prepared, as well as prepared with sound, well thought out answers. If you are presented with questions you are not immediately certain as how to address, I strongly recommend you do not try to. Don't be afraid to tell people that you need to "give it some thought first" before answering. It's best to come back with the right answer later than to put forth something that's less than accurate up front. The last thing you want is for others to get the impression that you're confused or uncertain of yourself. If you are at peace with yourself and ready to share with others, I hope all goes well and it leads to more rewarding life. Best of luck to you, manisa! :)

By: manisa

manisa — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 15:41:02 +0000

wish me good luck bros.
i think i am going to come out. (i am 16)
dont know how, but i have to do what i have to do. embrace myself, be myself :)

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:29:21 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Suzy. :) Very interesting that you and your brothers all turned out to have feminine tendencies. Be grateful that it was not you that got caught that day. As you discovered in my article, it really messed me up for a long time. I understand your giving your brother a hard time about it as kids. At that age, it’s kind of expected and natural for siblings to give each other a hard time about whatever.

I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I hope that you are able to share more with your younger brother (and maybe all of them) in the future. If you each have (or suspected to have) some level of trans in common, perhaps discussing with each other might foster a stronger relationship and understanding between all. :)

By: Suzy

Suzy — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 23:12:12 +0000

Great post, Gabrielle. I wish I had read this sooner, but got scared off by the header. I was never caught red-handed, but one of my brothers was. The whole family came home and found him standing in front of a mirror wearing a girdle and a bra. I think my parents were fairly cool about it, at least my father was, but the rest of us (me included) wouldn’t let him live it down. That was before I knew of my own proclivities. I still feel guilty about the teasing we gave him. As it turns out, ALL of us (four boys) displayed similar tendencies! Only my younger brother and I ever talked about it, though. My mother is currently very ill and close to death. I’m getting the sense that when she passes we’re going to be a lot more open with each other about who and what we are, including the way I choose to live my life today.

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 14:32:41 +0000

Thanks for your words of support and sharing a bit of your own struggle, Scarlet. Yep, this was just a recollection of my dark times. I love who/what I am now. It was such a waste being confused all those years but at least I woke up and saw the reality. Sadly, many still struggle with the negative stigma and remain confused and depressed.

By: Scarlet

Scarlet — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 12:54:10 +0000

Gabby you rock! It’s been awhile since stopping by when I saw the title I got worried for a second. I’ve been there I know those feelings real well.It took me until my mid thirties before I realizied That I wasn’t alone and began to climb out of that deep hole. So really glad this is a back story.Keep doing what you do so well. Luv Ya your friend Scarlet.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 21 May 2010 02:17:58 +0000

Ah, being caught … the dreaded outing that every young transperson lives in fear of.

I know I did. Being the youngest of three, I got to watch my older siblings make the mistakes and the consequences they suffered. As it turned out one of my older siblings was a CD … and I remember my mother finding some of his stuff on one of her cleaning expeditions.

I don’t remember much of what happened over that discovery – other than both of my parents going ballistic. At the wise age of ten or eleven, that was enough to scare me into the closet and slam the door shut behind me. I tried for years to bury how I felt, and kept failing time and again. I’m not proud of how that played in my now-defunct marriage.

I don’t know if shame came into the picture so much as visceral fear of the consequences of being caught in my case (especially rejection). I spent a huge amount of time later in life finding a way that I could tell my parents about my transition.

I had no choice but to tell my family what I was doing – and that made the year I went full time a positively harrowing experience! To borrow from Frank Herbert – I faced my fear, I allowed it pass over and through me, and when it passed all that remained is me.

There’s no doubt in my heart though that I’ve made the right choice in choosing to live my life openly and authentically to myself.

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Wed, 19 May 2010 21:35:23 +0000

Thanks for sharing your own childhood busted experience, Erin. Growing up was difficult enough, but being “different” AND getting busted made it so much harder to deal with life for so many years.

I’m so happy to hear that you’ve made such good progress in your comfort level and presentation when going out en femme. That’s another tough one to tackle for so many of us. Didn’t take your remarks as “egotistical” at all, btw. I completely understand what you were trying to express. I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – you be sure to let your girlfriend know just how awesome she is and how much you love her. She sounds like a really great person and she has my respect and admiration.

So happy you’ve enjoyed my offerings. It really means a lot to hear that. :) Thank you!