If you want to be more “elegant”, whether it be classified by society as “feminine” or whatever, then by all means – BE more elegant! You know where I stand on things – with the exception of that which is harmful to others, I always encourage people to be themselves and live their life in a way that is consistent with how they feel.

I remember you talking about your role model, and did a little reading up on him at one point, but I’m not sure what exactly makes him a “freak”… unless, of course, you use that term in context with how mainstream society classifies people who express themselves as such. There are plenty of people who classify me as a “freak”, and they’ve been all too willing to tell me in messages and comments (which I do not publish). To hell with them, though. At least I have the backbone to by myself, if only part-time. Only cowards call people rude names behind the relative cloak of the internet. ;)

In terms of “masks”, we all have to wear them sometimes in order to survive. That is not unique to people who express themselves in a manner that is not consistent with the general “norm”… although I think it is often more difficult for us, as we generally end up wearing our masks on a more frequent bases than others.

I just find myself wanting to act more elegant, hence more feminine, but as you said that is only because of the gravitation to Macho.

You know who one of my Role models is, and yes he is a freak, but not so much in his native land.

Honestly I don’t know “how” to act feminine. I know when in a tight skirt and heels I move differently but that is because of the skirt and heels. LOL. They force you to move in a certain way otherwise bad pain my ensue, or you may flash your hose or underwear. When in a corset I also sit more “proper” that is not me trying to “act” more feminine, it is simply because my body can act no other way.

When in my garb I still act like me, perhaps not as crass as my full male self, but that is a mask really. Sort of a false Bravado that has become a part of my being, and I am trying to shake.

I agree with you though. We as humans, for the most part are devolving. I hope some day it reverses. Women come to their senses and reject the macho male. All I have seen macho males do is bring about misery, or good sports scores. :)

I understand your own crossdressing is different than why I and many others do it. Your preferred style is more androgynous and not associated with any particular gender expression, but rather just based in “looks” that you prefer. I know sometimes you do more of the full-out “feminine” looks, but also understand that you do so as a matter of personal style taste and preference and not in a manner intended to be an expression of femininity.

That brings us to who decides what is feminine and what is masculine. The short answer is, whatever the majority of people within a society tend to agree upon in terms of classifications. I often do identify with the female gender, which is a heavy factor in my crossdressing. There are times when you and I are both completely done up in that which is considered by the majority to be a presentation of femininity, or (at least in my case) feminine gender expression. Regardless of the “why” we do it, it is seen by “the majority” as feminine, at least in appearance. This classification is not an absolute, but rather just what the majority of society currently calls it.

Women who “crossdress” are not typically seen these days as crossdressing. The reason is because, as you pointed out, it is now acceptable for women to wear items that were once reserved for men only. Because that is no longer the case, women aren’t really crossdressing (in the eyes of the majority) even when fully dressed in men’s clothing. In order to be considered crossdressing, one has to be wearing clothing that is regarded as gender-specific and reflective of the gender opposite that person’s genetic gender (sex organs). That is why it is almost impossible for women to truly be seen as “crossdressing” these days.

You’re absolutely right in terms men’s fashion in years past. From Roman times to fashions of a few hundred years ago, men wore what is now regarded as female-only items. Their behavior was also less consistent (and perhaps not even close to) what is now considered to be “masculine behavior”. Again, it was consistent with society’s “norms” of the time, but not within today’s socially accepted “norms”.

Our society is still very immature, and by that, I mean that in large, it is generally unwilling to accept anything different (or new) than that which has already been classified, tagged or assigned as [whatever] in their minds throughout their lives. Over time, society has matured, and will continue to mature. Let us not forget how limited women were in their roles within society just a handful of decades ago. Where women have made progress in “modern society”, men have actually regressed (in my opinion). Sadly, the every-so-popular “norm” is that of extreme masculinity or macho-ism. Many things have gravitated toward the “masculine” end of things, from women’s popular fashion, to how men appear and behave themselves. Look back at TV shows from the 1970′s, or blockbuster movie musicals of the 1950′s and you will find men behaving in ways that would today be classified as feminine, or at the very least, certainly NOT masculine.

It’s all in flux – constantly changing and mutating. I almost used the word “evolving”, but I think “mutating” is a better fit. I don’t see “evolution” as a good classification for gravitation toward the “masculine” or “macho” end of things. It seems more like de-evolution and a throwback to the stone ages (literally) – a time when the alpha male dominated the tribe, and did so crudely with frequent shows of force and (what is today considered to be) cruelty. Granted, the whole macho thing is very desirable to many men, and there are plenty of women who prefer the more macho-men. There’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. It is when the macho types (or any type, for that matter) decide to look down upon others who are not like them, and classify them as less important or not worthy of sharing space on planet earth. Now THAT is problem.

I don’t know why I cringe like this, but I do.

I think it is because of the idea that to society crossdressing is only done by men, and men that are mentally disturbed. (another myth). Whereas women that crossdress are not put on such a list.

I don’t know about many here, but I personally feel no need to express any gender side. I feel only the want to present an image I like for myself. I also far prefer skirts to pants, or leggings to jeans. But, and this is important, in our current culture men are pretty much prohibited in one way or another from openly wearing these styles, either by societal norms, or by company dress codes, or many others.

Women wear pants, jeans, sweats, t-shirts, sneakers, boots, all of which were only worn by men years ago. Women also have those items only they can wear for the most part (skirts, dresses, gowns, tights, pantyhose, blouses, high heels, nice dress boots, sandles, and so on).

I most likely never would have ventured into “crossdressing” if it was not for the limitations placed upon my style due to the fact I was born with a penis. I surely would have had longer hair, and I would wear makeup, but in a manner that is not overtly feminine.

I dress because I like skirts and the other items, and have been told by open minded people I look good in such. I get many compliments on my legs, and when done up in my makeup and stuff get many many compliments.

(I find it funny how I do get compliments on my appearance, usually. There are times I wonder if it is all indeed BS).

I have absolutely no intention of living as a woman. Though if I can get a job as a per mentally pre-op trans, then perhaps I will do that, LOL. As I said earlier the only reason I would do that, is so I could have more freedom in my clothing choices.

One more question arises though. What is it that makes something masculine or feminine.

I have looked into how men behaved in the past. Waaaay in the past. Men believe it or not behaved ELEGANTLY. They spoke well, they dressed well… in ways that would be considered feminine these days. Lace, and frills, flared cuffs. Of course not everyone dressed this way, but most did. Women just were in far less practical dresses and corsets, where men had waist cinchers. Here is another thing….men wore high heels.

So what happened? Why did all the above become women only? Why did men for the most part lose elegance, and become for all intents and purposes, brutish?

More food for thought, me thinks.

All things as they are today, I’m happy to be a man who can transform into a t-girl. I would not trade my manhood for female organs (or close there to), nor would I ever be willing to give up my ability to appear in a masculine or feminine form as desired. Given that I cannot shape shift, I am very happy as I am. I am also very happy that those who need to alter their bodies to fit who they are have the means to do so. No one should be forced to live life in a form that is not true to who they are as a person.

However I know I could do be better job communicating, especially to my wife. there is many things that she doesn’t get or is insecure about, and that is primarily my fault. I have been out to her for 3 years and it is still somewhat uncomfortable at times and that is because when it get that way I tend to shrink into a closet type mentality. It is something I have to work on.

Along the lines of Jessica’s wish, unlike her, I do not wish for smaller feet. I am quite big and at the limit that anyone commercial makes women’s shoes. I just wish I could get better variety in my size. But that really goes for men’s shoes as well. I simply can not shop in a store for shoes. Men or women’s. Period. I would like longer thinner fingers though. Again, in masculine and en femme persona’s. I just think my fingers are just chunky.

I also have to agree with Cathii about how harmful this myth is. It does adversely effect relationships and indeed effects where some Crossdressers get support and validation.

This website is all about exploring facts and truths. When my writing falls short of that, I appreciate the opportunity to grow and learn from someone who is more knowledgeable. I’ve made some modifications to my article based on your offerings.

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad you had some insomnia and found your way here. :) Thank you again for offering such a well-written and insightful comment. It truly adds so much more value to what was here previously.

Lets start with the hypothesis. The two questions on coming out, ‘Are you gay?’ and ‘Do you want to be a woman?’ I honestly believe that for the greater part of the “vanilla community” (ie those that are cisgendered) these are perfectly rational and logical questions to be asked. The two groups of trans people that most vanilla people have exposure to are drag queens and transsexuals. Drag queens, to trot out a stereotype, are by and large gay men (I think I have met only one straight drag queen). It seems only natural then to assume that if drag queens are gay, so too must be crossdressers. Of course we know this to be a fallacy but only because we are familiar with crossdressing circles. When I tell people that the overwhelming number of CD’s are heterosexual men with wives and kids they are usual a bit dismissive at first because of their ‘knowledge’ of the drag world.

So the second question follows the same logic. People ‘know’ about transsexuals and if a CD comes out and they aren’t a ‘gay’ drag queen then they must surely be transsexual and want to change sex… right? Once again we know the folly of that statement, but for someone that only knows those two parts of the trans community then that is the logical assumption.

This brings me to the only solution that I can think of, and it is one that you suggest in your post when you wrote “it’s time to educate people about the realities of crossdressers”. Although when you ask the question ” Why is there a lack of knowledge on this subject?” I am a little disappointed that you do not know the answer. Crossdressers don’t talk openly about being crossdressers. Drag queens flaunt the fact they are drag queens, transsexuals acknowledge and discuss transsexualism, but CD’s won’t openly talk about crossdressing. Once CD’s as a whole begin to take a more proactive part in education, these two “first questions” will cease to be asked. I have struggled trying to get the local CD community in Perth to open up even if it is done anonymously, but every one has a reason why they won’t and I admit most of those reasons are good reasons and the same reasons that it took me so long to come out as transsexual. Sadly if no one stands up to be counted, then nothing will be achieved.

Ok, please understand that by giving you the following corrections I do so only to further your understanding of transgendered and transsexual people. I mean no malice.

“Of course, after SRS has taken place, technically they are considered a transsexual.”
– A transsexual is a transsexual whether SRS has taken place or not. ‘Transsexual’ basically means that there is a consistent and persistent desire to “change sex”. That desire exists in transsexuals well before they will go for SRS and in fact it MUST exist before any reputable surgeon will perform the surgery. There are those that argue that once SRS has taken place that desire ceases because the body now conforms, and therefore that person can no longer be termed transsexual. I personally see this as a bit pedantic, but it is more technically correct to refer to a post operative MtF transsexual simply as a woman, or as a transwoman.

“but men who have been surgically altered to become women.”
– This next point is more a “heads up”. For someone such as myself that has spent a lot of time with crossdressers, in my case as a member of a trans* support group, I understand that you are merely talking about the ‘physcial’ man ‘surgically altered’ to physically resemble a woman in body (technically know as being phenotypically female). I get that, I respect that… but I have to give you a quick heads up about your wording. MtF transsexuals do not “become” a woman, they _are_ a woman they just happen to have been born with a penis. The measure of gender is not based between the legs, but rather, between the ears. SRS is nothing more than a surgery to physically affirm the true gender of the transsexual. This is why SRS is often referred to as Gender Affirmation Surgery (GAS). In the same way, some may take offense to your wording in respect to motorcycles and “choosing” to become a Hells Angel. Yes, becoming a Hells Angel is a choice, but being transsexual is not. Pedantic points I know, but trust me if you avoid these two things when talking with transsexuals you will save yourself a whole load of trouble. :)

“I bet I could pull of an awesome biker chick look. :)”
– I bet you could :)

“This particular myth isn’t really harmful to crossdressers”
– Well there is no nice way of saying this, so I guess I will just say it outright… No, in my opinion this statement is wrong. This ‘myth’ _is_ harmful to crossdressers. This myth is why so many CD’s keep it hidden from the ones they love the most. This myth is a big reason why so many women find it hard to accept that their husbands or boyfriends are crossdressers. This myth is why so many wives and girlfriends restrict their partners perfectly natural desire to express themselves, just in case one day he turns around and says, “gee you know what, I really do want to be a woman.” I personally believe this myth to be the most harmful assumption about straight male crossdressers. This myth can cause a lot of distrust in an otherwise healthy relationship and it impacts not only on the CD and their partner but also their children if they have any. This is one of the myths that education has to tackle head on if people in the broader community are going to accept CD’ing as something natural and healthy for an individual in the future.

Anyway, thanks for the good reading material. Its now 4.50am and I need to be up at 7… so I guess I should try to get some sleep :)

Cathii

This is certainly a delicate topic, as many wives probably fear that their husbands will eventually want SRS. Whenever this fear comes into my wife’s mind, I try my best to remain calm and patient as I reassure her that I have no such desire.

The one “wish” is one that would never be able to come to fruition anyway. While I would prefer smaller hands and feet, I know that this is not even within the realm of possibility, so I accept myself. However, I know that I do not want to change my body to suit a more feminine mold.

It is a taboo subject but hopefully we can do more to change this. By the way, I can’t wait for the next Myth post. Oh, and what other cd online communities are out there? I can’t seem to find any other ones :(