Comments on: Getting Laughed at for Crossdressing in Public

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:02:58 +0000

Hi Venus. I’m sorry to hear about the small-mindedness you’re experiencing in your country. I’m sorry to say that in America, there’s no shortage of that kind of thing. I get plenty of it in my town. The good news is that although I doubt there is an entire *country* that is open-minded and accepting of transgender folk, there are definitely cities and towns that tend to be more welcoming, on the whole, and treat all people with respect without discrimination. One day, I hope to relocate to such a place myself.

About that chastity belt… I don’t know if it’s harmful, but it doesn’t sound like a very comfortable item. Different strokes, right? :)

By: venus

venus — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:05:53 +0000

well…. i get laughed at public…
In my country people with small mind and low level of their thinking…and… here is no more cd accept me…. so..i wanna migrate and wanna know that which ENGLISH country will suit me….
where i can find many crossdressers …i wanna live in cd’s world…….

and….. i am using chastity belt…
is it harmful ???

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:21:17 +0000

Hi Arthur. Thanks for sharing a little about your friend. :) I’m so sorry to hear that such a sweet person was treated so poorly and felt the need to resort to prostitution. It’s terrible how some people end up being treated just for being different than the “norm”. I can certainly identify with being treated poorly for being different, but thankfully nothing even remotely close has ever happened to me or anyone I know personally. At least your friend lives on in favorable memory through you, and hopefully others who also valued her company.

By: arthur lee williams, jr.

arthur lee williams, jr. — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:59:13 +0000

wow… this is so enlightening! a very good friend of mine (now deceased, sadly) used to regale me with stories of HIS experiences as a crossdresser/drag queen. he used foam breasts shaped from chair cushions, makeup, wigs, heels, corsets and smoothly shaved skin to achieve the desired effect. for his efforts, he was constantly propositioned, molested, raped and eventually became a prostitute after age 18… he lived in nyc, germany, orlando, fl, and oklahoma, finally returning home to fl. he was one of the nicest girls you’d ever meet, in spite of his misadventures in life. all he ever wanted was for someone to love him as ‘venus la dolli’ and appreciate him.

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 09:10:59 +0000

Hi, James, thanks for sharing and that wonderful show of support! I can’t help but smile when I read your take on things – you seem so self-confident and proud (and you should be). I really don’t like being laughed at, but I understand the reaction. It is a very juvinile reaction, very apparent in the young boys you describe and also notable in older “juvinile” boys (and girls) often. I don’t think everyone who laughs is necessarily expressing a cowardly reaction (although many indeed are). I think some people just don’t know how to react, feel uncomfortable in the moment, and (nervous) laughter results. There are no shortage of low-brow types (or van-drivers as you describe), though. Plenty, very plenty in my town. I’ve been treated quite well by others, though. I don’t pass as female in person (wish I could), but there have been some very cool people who respected me a a person and simply dealt with me on that level, knowing full well that I’m genetically male. Thanks again for your show of support, and you’re absolutely right – you have to rock those fashions while you’re young and there’s no reason not to! :)

By: James

James — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 03:15:14 +0000

The general reaction I get when I cross dress out in public is best summed up by an experience I had about 6 months ago. I was walking through a shopping precinct wearing my black jacket, my black leggings and my big platform heel boots, and generally feeling pretty slick, when I see a group of unruly children, who couldn’t have been more than about 7 or 8. A woman was trying to control them and somewhat failing, but when they saw me, they all stopped and the male children started laughing. Not like sniggering, proper, open-mouthed cackling. So me being very British and dignified just kept walking like nothing was happening (they’re only little brats after all). A woman then walks up to me and says “Ignore those little sh*ts love, you look fabulous”.

That, for me kind of makes the point; for every person that finds the way you dress ridiculous, funny or wrong or whatever, there will be at least 1 other person who is pleased that you’re being how you want to be, or maybe even just like the alternative style you’re exhibiting. And what about these people who do laugh? I can guarantee you one thing that all of them have in common: they’re complete cowards. Let’s take this McDonalds prick that served you at the drive-through. The only reason he felt safe to laugh at you is because he was behind his damn window, and he feels secure behind that barrier. As you pointed out, he didn’t even have the conviction to laugh at you directly, and I doubt that was because of professionalism. The people who laugh at me are usually unwashed cretins who are sitting behind the wheel of a van (there is a stereotype in Britain that van drivers are ignorant morons, and I have to say it holds up quite well). Why should I give people like that a second thought? People I pass on the street never say anything negative. Yeah, they have a good glance at me, but I don’t blame them; I would if I were them. Besides, they could be looking in admiration, or just at my height. I’m 6ft 5 already, so put a pair of 5 inch heels on me and I’m pushing 7ft. Who wouldn’t look at that?

Besides, there is far too much at stake for me, or anyone who cross dresses, to take any notice of people who laugh at us. I’m only 20 years old and I love the way I look when I’ve got my heels and stuff on. I don’t have a female alter-ego; I’m very happy as James, and I don’t try to make myself look like a woman. For me, I just love pulling on leggings and heels and seeing how I look. I love the freedom it gives me to style myself in a way that I am truly happy with. The simple fact is that I think I look a lot better in leggings, heels and a long feminine top than I do in baggy jeans, ratty trainers and a t-shirt, and girls I know generally agree! So while I’m young and I’ve got this body, and these long legs, I’m going to dress as epically as I like, and I’m going to love every minute of it. No snotty teenager in McDonalds could possibly take that away from me :)

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 17:04:45 +0000

Hi Billie. Thanks for sharing. :) I’m afraid I don’t know of any stores in Cape Town that might have what you’re looking for (and without getting looked at funny while checking out). I do know that a growing number of clothing stores are more than happy to cater to people regardless of gender. In other words, so long as people are spending money at their establishment, they’re happy to have the business. Whether or not you’re comfortable testing the water is something you’ll need work through.

You might want to do some Internet searches for clothing you may be interested in. If you know your specific measurements, you might be able to find nice things that will fit right on one of the many online clothing stores out there. You might also search for trans-friendly merchants in your area. It’s worth a shot – some do make a point of advertising that because, again, they just want to make a sale and have a happy customer that will consider returning to do more business. Good luck with it!

By: Billie

Billie — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 08:06:50 +0000

Hi there,

I am new to this and at 57 I do tend to keep this to myself. My wife does not know and I believe she may be upset if she knew. I have a decent female shape, slim small bum and tall with long legs.

What I would like to know is if you know of any decent shops in Cape Town that sell things like mini skirts etc for cross dressers. I have no problem going to buy panties and bras at the local shops as they just think I am buying for my wife but when it comes to skirts for my slim waist these items tend to be for the younger generation. Any ideas, Love Billie

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 21:23:00 +0000

Thank you for those kind words, Suzy! :) I’m so happy to hear that my offerings have the power to lift your spirits and brighten up your “dark days”. Thank you for sharing that. Your thoughtful comment has just lifted my spirits, too.

I’m also happy to hear you don’t get laughed at in public anymore, whether you’re read or not. Being kind and respectful of others usually does have kind of a positive mirror affect, in that those whom you treat with kindness and respect often return the favor.

Yep, there are goth gals out there, and I see one or two from time to time out in the wild. I can’t lie, they always attract my eye – sometimes because they’re just so different looking, and sometimes just because they’re just so amazingly beautiful. With my slightly gothic fashion choices, I tend to attract attention because goth folk tend to stand out in a crowd of cookie-cutter fashion, anyway (and I’m NOT putting down trendy fashion, just making reference to the fact that it is often un-interesting and blah in my personal opinion). In drawing attention for the not-so-in-style goth look, I quickly also draw attention to the fact that I’m not quite female proportionate in body dimensions, thus being read, and sometimes laughed at as a result. Oh well. I guess if I’m going to be laughed at, though, let them laugh at me for being myself rather than for being some fake idiot who lives life trying to impress the masses through conformity (which is, to some extent, what I do in guy mode I order to blend and make it through another day in the jungle of life).

You keep up the good work, Suzy – out in public and getting respect from people you meet. It does us all a positive service for each and every person you leave a good impression with! :)

By: Suzy

Suzy — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:30:38 +0000

Good for you, Gabrielle! To thine own self be true! I haven’t been laughed at (to my knowledge) in quite some time. Admittedly I’ve made a couple of compromises (more modest hair, and I haven’t worn ruby red lipstick in some time), but I still wear short skirts and dresses and pantyhose, which so few women do anymore. But it’s also about confidence. At some point recently I crossed a threshhold where I suddenly have confidence I never had before. It’s amazing what a difference it makes! I owe so much to you and your columns! This is where I turned to on those dark days when I felt silly and ridiculous and like the whole world was laughing at me for being Suzy, and you never failed to lift my spirits. I know there will come a day (perhaps many) when I get laughed at again in public, and I hope that the changes I have gone through have better prepared me for those days. But I honestly don’t feel like I’m going to get laughed at. Do people read me? Probably. But I am kind and respectful to people and that seems to be the treatment I get in return. Thank you for what you have done for so many of us who are fans of your site, and don’t ever change. There are goth girls out there too, you know.