The reason I started this site in the first place was to help dispel the negative cliches and misconceptions about crossdressing AND ease the pain of crossdressers who struggle with this aspect of their lives, as well as their loved ones, by providing insight, perspective, and opinion. I have no doubt that some women have been devastated by the news that their husband is a crossdresser. I also have no doubt that many, many more women have been devastated by the news that their NON-crossdressing husband has been cheating on them or doing any number of other things that can cause great pain end a marriage. I don’t know the statistics, but I think it is safe to say that there are probably almost as many husbands that end up devastated by the news that their wife is leaving them for (whatever) and taking their kids and half of their paycheck for the next few decades.

I’m sorry if you’ve experienced a loss in your life. I truly am, and that’s not lip service. Whatever has upset you seems to be also causing you to completely miss the point of this site, my writing, and this article in particular.

For what it’s worth, most of the people who write to me are crossdressers who are having difficulties with this aspect of their lives. Some of them are terrified of anyone finding out, period. Some are worried their wives will leave if they find out. Some write to me because their wives have just left after finding out. The point is that EVERYONE has fears, troubles and complications in their lives. No one was there for me when I struggled most with being trans and it almost drove me to literally destroy myself. If I can help put the pain and suffering of others at ease by sharing what I have learned, both realities and opinion, shouldn’t I? I can go back to being pissed off, angry, resentful, depressed and self-destructive, or choose to try and make a positive difference in the lives of others. So life gave me lemons… I choose to make lemonade… or try to, anyway.

There is absolutely NOTHING in my writing that suggests, in any way, to “inflict torture on someone you are supposed to love”, Sara. If you want to chalk me up as just another one of those “freak crossdresser deviants”, then be my guest. There’s no shortage of people who do just that, without EVER making the slightest attempt to learn what it is really all about. Wouldn’t it be sad if someone had a negative experience with a black person, and then decided to conclude that all blacks, everywhere, were bad people because of it? Sadly, some people do that, too. It’s a pretty f**ked up world we live in, isn’t it? People hating on other people they know nothing about.

Maybe when you’re feeling a little better, try and give this article another look? I think if you take some time to read it in full, and maybe some of the other articles, you will find that my intentions are genuinely at helping make a positive difference, and NOT “inflicting torture” on anyone’s spouse (or anyone, period, for that matter).

I’m glad you’ve chosen to get involved in a support group because of a loved one. Offering support is so important to those you love. Attempting to truly understand (or come as close as one can get) by getting involved in the sharing and discussion of information, situations, feelings, social pressures, etc., is such a smart thing to do, and can be so very helpful to loved ones, complete strangers, and even to oneself. We almost always learn more about ourselves, too, when we set out to understand differences in others.

In terms of offering guidance toward other groups, that’s a tricky one. If you are looking to understand a greater range of the kind of groups you’ve already been involved in via the internet, your favorite search engine is a good place to start. Type in your general area of interest (such as an issue you’d like to learn about and offer support) and include words such as “forum”, “online community”, “group”, “support”, etc. There are no shortages of online support groups and message forums dedicated to just about everything imaginable people struggle with.

If you’re looking to become involved in more group meetings locally, a similar approach may be good. Again, hit up your favorite search engine and include location in your search queries. I’m not sure if that’s the kind of information you were hoping for, but I hope it helps a little. :)

It sounds like you’ve got a lot (of heart, knowledge, support, and friendship) to share with people, so I do hope you choose to do just that! The world could certainly use more motivated people with a positive outlook, ready and willing to offer a helping hand and just plain be there.