I like your take on crossdressers being the “bravest people” in the world.  There is so much truth to that.  It really does take a lot of courage to be yourself in a world that encourages conformity and often punishes individuality and difference.  I think it is very courageous and brave of you to push forward and accept yourself as you are, and (hopefully) realize and understand that you’re not suffering from any compulsion or condition, but rather been blessed with a beautiful gift, albeit one that is often not very popular among the masses.  Popular or not, I LOVE being my feminine self and would not trade it for anything.  You’re right – it is a “big thing” to move forward, face those fears, and work through the feelings of uncertainty while just trying to be yourself and make it in the world.

You may experience bumps along the way, but it sounds like you’re on the right path now.  I think you’ll do fine. :)

In terms of your night sweats, I really think that they’ll start to subside when you are able to reduce stress levels in your life.  There could be other factors at play, but you’ll get it under control in time, I’m sure.

Keep up the good work, Ross, and take things one day at a time.

Thank you for your post. Originally I thought that my post was not successfully uploaded and was surpised to not only see my post, but to see your eloquent response.

I guess I am back in the ‘season’ and am online again searching for answers to my night sweats.

A lot has changed since then, I do feel that i am a little bit more accepting of myself and understanding of the drivers for my cd lifestyle. (That still does not stop the night sweats when i have dressed that night).

I have come to realise that the bravest person in the world is the cross-dresser; here is a person who has to face their own inner fears and go against the rules projected upon us by society at large. To face down that fear and move forward is a big thing.

However, turning back is not an option either.

I will take you up on your advice and look at ways of reducing my stress levels.

Until next time, take care.

Ross

The good news is that society is changing and growing up, if ever so slowly. I’ve met plenty of (non-trans) people who are very cool and accepting of me as I am. The “haters” are essentially dinosaurs – a dying group, slowly dwindling in numbers with each new generation, as each new generation is better educated than the one before. It will be some time yet before trans folk are openly “welcome” among mainstream society the way other minorities (that were once oppressed) are now, but things are changing. :)

I am only speculating here, but it may be possible that your night sweats are brought on by an increased level of anxiety experienced during your active crossdressing phases or “seasons” as you put it. Stress and anxiety are known factors to cause night sweats. The next time you are experiencing night sweats, take a good look at your personal emotional state and see if you can identify an increased feeling of anxiety/stress. Identifying these emotions within oneself isn’t always as easy as checking one’s pulse or temperature, but it can be learned, if not immediately clear. There is a lot of good material available on the web that can help determine whether or not one is experiencing an increased level of anxiety through examining a set of personal criteria. A little time spent researching (on the anxiety angle) may offer some useful insight as to the cause of your night sweats.

I was experiencing night seats myself not long ago. They were not related in any identifiable way to my being trans. After seeing a few doctors who were unable to find anything wrong with me that would cause the night sweats, I began to look into other possible factors. In my case, they were more than likely caused by high stress levels in my life. After I took deliberate action to make life changes and thus reduce my stress level, my night sweats subsided. I didn’t make these changes in my life to cure my night sweats, but rather to improve the quality of my personal outlook and mood. It was an unexpected added bonus that my night sweats had stopped. Only in retrospect did I come to the conclusion that they were most likely caused by high anxiety in the first place.

I hope you are able to resolve yours, Ross. I also hope that in time, you do fully realize that crossdressing is not an addiction or compulsion, but rather only interpreted that way by those who see it as something “wrong” or a “condition”. I would suggest that if there were no social stigma attached to being trans, you may instead refer to your “addiction” as simply a need to be yourself – a very natural need that everyone has. The line between feminine traits and masculine is not drawn down the middle based on what reproductive one has. That is a human-invented concept. Although the majority of men exhibit predominately “masculine” traits and the opposite for women, that does not define “normality”. It only represents majority or popularity. It was once a *popular* belief that the world was flat. The *majority* of people wholeheartedly believed it. Did the popular belief ever make it actually true?

Very interesting discussion here that I would like to ask a question about.

I feel that cross-dressing is an addiction or better said a ‘compulsion.

I can only talk of my own personal experience and that is, I fall in and out of cross-dressing periods (more like seasons). However, I will eventually come back to the cd lifestyle for short periods and then drift off again. It is not predictable, but it has it’s own natural rythym.

A strange thing happens to me though, and that is whenever i go back to cross-dressing. I start to have night sweats and my body gives off a terrible odour that has to be disguised with heavy cologne.

I was wondering if anybody else had this experience?

Thank you

Much respect to you for going through with it, Pythos! Even though you weren’t truly “crossdressed” but rather doing the (in my own words) somewhere in between or “androgynous” look, I think it’s safe to say that choosing to go out in public and participate in a group activity like this in you preferred style offered you the chance to have a much better time and fully enjoy yourself far more than had you gone out in “normal” (socially accepted) attire. That certainly doesn’t sound like a “destructive addiction” to me. ;)

My character being the adrogynous male goth bartender. Completely as far as looks were concerned patterned off my clubbing self. A fine line between masculine and feminine.

I was completely accepted, and drew the attention of a couple of females, both in game and out. Very nice. My three friends and my self, and two others were the most decked out, out of 50 people who chose to go very mundane.

The game was interesting, I was a bit shy, which is not unusual for me.

But later on in the game I got more into it.

During the after game we were explaining our characters and I explained what mine was, and the basis. No one objected to my views of clothing choices, and one girl was intrigued when I mentioned Malcom (my character), would show up in all manner of styles, not excluding heels and or catsuits.

This should be the most fun I have had in years. Or I sure hope so.

LOL

If you’re addicted to your own need to be **yourself**, Pythos, then I wouldn’t call that a real addiction. So long as it does not inhibit your ability to function (meaning take care of necessary business in life, NOT just when you feel the need to be private), then it is certainly not unhealthy or an addiction.

Nerdy or not, vampire LARP or just LARP in general sounds pretty cool to me. It’s a shame the group you’re planning with has downgraded the game to mundane “everyday” blah, blah. If you don’t mind a little push from yours truly, regardless of what the others decide upon for themselves, have the courage to at least request (ask) to do things your way. If they feel it would detract from the game because of what they’re trying to do, then you must respect that and decline or participate in the mutually agreed upon way. If they do not have an issue with it, then go for it. You’ll NOT be alone – you’ll be among friends. :) You’ll just happen to look the coolest and feel the best inside. ;) If you go it alone (as in the only one really dressed up as you like), then be sure to OWN it. There are no insecurities about what others might think. There is ONLY the mighty Pythos – LARP enthusiast, and master of all that is and all that matters [in your life]. :)

I far prefer the feel and look of hose and skirt to jeans. I love to squeeze into my spandex jeans, opposed to putting on a pair of ill fitting slacks.

I like to have my own look opposed to the blank slate that is my “normal” face.

But then I look at people that say that “they would die if they didn’t have so on and so forth.” Like some sport, or book, or drink, and so on.

I know that when I wear what I like I am also limiting what I can do. But is this due to me, or is it due to closed minded people? I think the answer to that is, yes.

It is both parties’ faults. It is my fault for allowing fear to control my action, and it is “society’s” fault for being such sheep.

I was recently invited to a live roll playing Vampire campaign. I was already planning on having an androgynous vampire character, (shock and horror, the looks of which would be not far from my preferred look) During the planning session with my friends that were all gung ho to have some really exotic characters, we spend an hour batting around ideas and in the end we end up with four Malkaivians, that run a bar (it started off as a Goth, Bondage club, not unlike that seen in Matrix Reloaded), but over time ended up being a “dive”, and our characters became average as far as looks were concerned to maintain the “mascarade”.

Now because of this, I am thinking of not attending. I wanted to play FANTASY. Not average run of the mill, wearing jeans in place of a long elegant skirt, or tight sexy catsuit.

So in this case, I am limiting myself due to my desire to wear what I like. I am still working on this though. Hopefully I can persuade the change of minds.

*For those that don’t know. Vampire LARP, or live action roll playing, is a game. It is like dungeons and dragons, but instead of adventurers in a fantasy world, you play the role of a vampire of several different types. It is done as a live action opposed to table top. In other words you physically play your character, which means costumes and acting. :)
VERY nerdy, but if done with the right group it can be great fun*