Are all straight people attracted to the same kind of love interest?  How about all gay people?  Do all non-trans folk have the same sense of clothing style?  Do all sports fans like golf?  Are all artists **music composers**?  Do all left-handed people feel compelled to seek out thrills in the form of BASE jumping or skydiving?  I kind of beat that example to death, but they’re all valid points and good examples of how people who have a single personal trait in common (or even a few) can differ significantly in every other way.

Much of the problems is the social taboo element and stigma associated with crossdressing.  Since most (non-trans) folk know little to nothing about how it works, there is often an assumption that all people who fall into this group have the same underlying motivation.  Whether they believe it is a sickness, sexual preference, mental illness, or the result of weird genetic experiments performed by aliens – people often clump this all together as being the same general thing.  It’s sad, but I think it’s slowly changing as society slowly becomes more aware of things as information becomes more readily available and easily accessible.

I’m glad you enjoyed my article, even if it didn’t apply so much to how things work for you.  I’m also very glad you took the time to share a little about yourself and how things work with you.  It is unlikely that any visitors will take issue with what you’ve shared (at least not other trans folk).  I think most already understand and respect that we’re all different.

I started crossdressing when I was 8, like so many others. I’d agree that the desire to crossdress is not a choice, even if what I decide to wear on any given day is a choice. The desire comes and goes seemingly independently of anything else except stress, which reduces the desire. Mostly I only have the desire to crossdress when I am feeling good about life in general.

It’s the part about it expressing a feminine side that doesn’t ring true FOR ME. I’m really just talking about myself here, although I’d be surprised if I’m unique.

All those “feminine” traits such as empathy, nurturing, expressiveness and so on are just a part of the male me. I’ve found ways to express them that mesh perfectly with being a guy. Crossdressing for me feels like something else. In many ways it feels like a very male thing. It is something I like to do because in some way it is what I am not. For me it feels exactly like playing dress up.

As I said I started this as a young boy. When I told my wife about this many years ago, her reaction was not the usual “are you gay, do you want to be a woman, or gee that sounds kinky” It was that it seemed childish.

I’ll admit to that. For me it is childish in that it is playful. As opposed to say, hitting a ball with a stick (which I also like to do) or watching other men hit, throw, or kick balls around a grassy field. This is more like participating in the theater of my own mind.

There is often a sexual component to my choice of clothing, even if my femme clothing usually consists of a casual skirt and womans tee shirt. Great femme clothes for yard work, which is one of the things I like to do. Is planting a garden feminine or masculine? How about mowing the lawn? But that’s okay, sex is in someways just another form of play.

Anyway it was a nice article and my comments are merely to describe myself. Anyone else, take what you like and leave the rest.

Zari

Enjoy your “breathing room” and live a little easier and happier now, Wendae. Better late than never, right? :)

You’re right – you will experience bumps along the way. That is true for everyone in life, though, not just trans folk. Being trans and going against the “socially accepted norm of today” does complicate things more, but I think it is important for everyone to realize and understand that EVERYONE experiences bumps in life. What is important is to understand that’s universal and NOT to blame those bumps on being trans. It may be some time before mainstream society really begins to understand trans folk and be more accepting. If it helps in the meantime, just know and understand that doctors and psychiatric professionals do **not** regard being transgender as a disorder or mental illness. Never let popular *opinion* of people who don’t understand get under your skin. You’re not the one with the problem – THEY are. Just because there may be more of them than you, does not change the reality that there is *nothing* wrong with who you are.

You’re on the right path Kirsten. I certainly hope you’ll continue down it and never look back to the days of confusion and guilt. Never forget the realities. If/when life gets to be a bit much, then try to take things in stride and know that those hard times are always temporary. We all have choices in life. Choose to be yourself, always, and live life to the fullest, as the beautiful person you are! :)

This article definitely hits on a lot of points that I feel all tgirls, myself included, as well as the society we live in need to be aware of. Even having accepted myself for who I am I never get tired of reading uplifting pieces like this because I feel that the process of self assurance/approval is an ongoing process. Whether someone has been crossdressing for a short while or for several years, I would dare to say the speed bumps can always come back for any number of reasons. Even things unrelated to cross dressing have led me to question the things I do including my love of getting end femme. Every article I’ve read on this site has given me a lot of strength and I can’t thank you enough!

As far as dealing with the choice matter, I think puberty serves a big part in how we begin to define ourselves and the world around us. Most of us discovered our tgirl self before puberty and it was innocent then as it is now. However when we grow older, we learn to exercise our ability to choose. A normal teenager learns to think they can control and choose everything. The idea of a love of crossdressing that is not a choice but rather a part of who you are is scary. It seems only natural to think that we can control it or choose not to do it as easily as we can change the tv channel, and the realization that this is not the fact is scary as hell for a teen. Especially so when society has deemed it as an undesirable act that is frowned upon. It is only when one accepts themself and how they can use choice to make their life better that they can move on a path of self fulfillment. This is the path I’m taking and hope to never stray from! Hope I got that out as coherently as possible, just don’t wanna jump to assumptions or misrepresent my point. Being in my early 20s I must admit this all still seems very new to me.

Thank you always!

~Kirsten :)

Thank you for posting this, it means a lot to me. I never knew what was ‘wrong’ with me, but now I do…NOTHING!!

Sure I knew I was an outsider, looking in and wondering why I was ‘out there’. But as I journeyed onward, I discovered the most important thing… I was not alone!

Your writing is amazingly insightful and your thoughts are clear and make a whole lot of sense. Thank you you for voicing yourself and saying what really needs to be said… we are people too!

Love,
~Samantha~

I really liked how you pointed out that the “feminine” traits you love about your significant other are, more importantly (and accurately) simply human traits. It’s amazing how many people don’t get that… and completely insane that so many men try so hard to suppress those (positive) traits JUST because others may see them as “feminine”.

The main problem your lover has – that which makes him uneasy and hate himself, is deeply rooted in the conflict between who he is as a person, and who he believes (and very incorrectly so) that he has to be or should be based on society’s “mutually agreed upon” rules of how male humans shall exist. If the social taboo and stigma were removed from the equation, it is unlikely there would be any personal conflict within him or any other transgender person.

You found your way to this site – why not direct your significant other this way, too? I hated myself for most of my life because there was no one there to explain the REALITIES to me. My head was filled with all the idiotic lies that society filled it with and I was left to work this out on my own (and to some extent, chose to work through it on my own). It doesn’t need to be that way for your lover. There is nothing wrong with who he is. The problem lies within society’s relative unwillingness to accept differences in people. Please – direct him this way and maybe sit with him while going through things.

You have my admiration and respect for being so open-minded and accepting of your lover as he is, and supportive to him. :) The world needs more people like you.