It’s been one year since the opening first post was made here on myCDlife.com. This “one year” post happens to be the 111th published to date, which fits in nicely with the “one” theme.

If curiosity piques interest enough to look back at some of the early posts, you will notice that many of them were not crossdressing related. One of my initial ideas was to simply share with visitors, the life of a crossdresser (me), specifically to illustrate the fact that, for the most part, trans-life isn’t very different than the “norm”.

Being a crossdresser doesn’t mean that life is all about lipstick, fashion, heels, stockings and wearing dresses. I think there is a perception to many (non-trans folk) that this all crossdressers ever think and talk about. Although that may be the case for some, it is certainly not how it works in my life or the lives of several others I’ve gotten to know, including many who regularly blog about crossdressing. The trans-related posts drew more interest than the non, so I settled into a routine of concentrating more on that end of things over time.

Many of my original plans for this site were never realized, mainly due to lack of time and resources. Even so, I’m happy to have accomplishd at least some of my goals: educate visitors about the realities of crossdressing, make a positive difference in the lives of people who struggle with this aspect of their lives, share some of my own related struggles/stories, and have some fun along the way.

Having this online presence has allowed me the opportunity to interact and share ideas with some unique and interesting transgender people, from crossdressers to transsexuals. The diversity within the vast transgender spectrum is extensive and I’ve enjoyed learning about the wide array of differences while celebrating what we have in common. Although not as great in numbers, I’ve also had the pleasure of interacting with non-trans folk, too – mainly family and loved ones there of.

I don’t know what year two will hold for myCDlife.com. Even though I have trouble keeping up with things due to lack of personal time, I’d like to see it continue, if only on a limited basis (in terms of new content updates). There are more crossdressing myths to bust and countless other aspects & ideas to explore.

I’d like to thank everyone for visiting this site over the past year and hope you’ll continue to do so in the future. It’s been my pleasure and an honor to be your humble myCDlife.com hostess. Thank you so much for your time, attention, feedback, and sharing a little about yourself in return.

If you wouldn’t mind sharing, what have you enjoyed most about my offerings here? How did you discover myCDlife.com? Is there anything in particular you’d like to see more of? What would you change, if anything? Please take a moment or two to share.

Thank you
First off, many thanks to those of you who took the time to let me know how much you appreciate my efforts and hard work here. Also, thank you to those who have joined myCDlife via Google Friend Connect (upper-right column) and everyone who subscribes. It means so much to me and I send my love to each of you. :)

Break from writing, not from crossdressing
Based on input received, I think some people may have misunderstood my time off. I was (and will continue to some extent) taking a break from writing for this website. I was never taking a break from my crossdressing – far from it. More time has been devoted to exploration and growth in this aspect of my life.

Personal growth
On the personal front, I’ve been pushing myself and growing as a result. Not only have I gotten out in public as Gabrielle and interacted with others face to face, I’ve also come out of the closet to many people who’ve only known me as Gabe… more than I intended to, in fact. That’s quite an interesting story I’d like to share soon.

Writer’s block
Though much has happened in my life since I announced taking a break, a troublesome foe named “writer’s block” has reared its ugly head. There is no shortage of relevant things to share, but finding the time and writing it up well has been an issue as of late. Psychologically, it’s my mind telling me that I’m not ready and require more time away on that front. I’m pushing myself a little to get this down, but so far, so good.

Damage control
My insistent frequent publishing schedule took quite a toll on my personal life and I’m still picking up the pieces and trying to mend the damage. I won’t get too far into it again as I spelled out some of it in my previous post. You know the deal – my life is a very busy one and there wasn’t (and still isn’t) enough time to do it all. Sacrifices were made, and there are consequences for those choices. One cannot undo six months worth of personal-damage in just a few weeks time.

Relaxed publishing schedule
Because of time constraints and other responsibilities, new posts will probably be slow to come out for the foreseeable future. Content will be published (maybe) once a week or every other week or just whenever. I am not planning on sticking to any kind of publishing schedule for now.

Please spread the word
One of my failures with this website was (and is) the lack of time and resources devoted to promotion. If the content here has been meaningful to you and would like to see more, please share links to this site with your friends, family or anyone you feel may also enjoy and/or benefit from it. If you frequent any online communities and wouldn’t mind adding a link to this site in your signature and/or profile, I’d really appreciate the help.

What’s next?
In the immediate future, expect to see accounts of my personal growth process and hurdles faced along the way. It’s one thing to try and make a positive difference by writing and sharing knowledge online. It’s quite a different thing to get out into the world as Gabrielle and experience life as such. Sadly, this also includes experiencing society’s often poor treatment and even hatred of “social deviants” like me first hand. My brief exploration of the outside/offline world en femme so far has been awkward, empowering… and sometimes terrifying.

Most fresh in my mind is a recent experience in which employees of a popular wireless mobile phone service (who were on the clock) saw fit to openly express their hatred of me while out en femme. Getting laughed at as some kind of “crazy weirdo” is one thing, but experiencing focused hate first hand is a rather unsettling experience… which I’ll explain in more detail soon.

For the past six months, I’ve been unwisely burning the candle at both ends, spreading myself dangerously thin, and have little to show for all of the blood, sweat, and tears poured into my efforts. For me, this website isn’t a hobby, but rather an important platform in which to educate, entertain, communicate, and bring about positive change.

Between long hours at my day job, commute times, a strict daily exercise regimen, household chores and other responsibilities, there is little time left for much else. In order to maintain a frequent publishing schedule of quality content, I’ve been putting my personal life aside: neglecting responsibilities, sacrificing personal happiness, testing the strength of my marriage, and literally loosing sleep to keep up with it.

Unfortunately things haven’t panned out. My approach is flawed, and energy reserves dangerously low. I need to take a break, regroup and reevaluate.

This is not goodbye
Let me make it clear that I am not going away. The future of this website is somewhat uncertain, but it will not disappear, nor will I. If I am to invest so much of myself however, it needs to count for something. My passionate efforts to keep quality content continuously rolling out has been as about effective in accomplishing my goals as expending hundreds of gallons of gasoline just to move the car forward a few inches. I’m spinning my wheels and need to change tactics.

Making a positive difference
It should be evident in my writing that I’m trying to make a positive difference and change the game. My work is intended to (1) clear up confusion and ease suffering for crossdressers/transgendered people who struggle with this aspect of their lives (2) educate the (non-transgendered) public about the realities of the transgender spectrum and human condition (3) make it possible for crossdressers/transgendered people to be out in public, as we are, free of negative prejudice, ridicule, harassment, and harm.

Destroy the social stigma and the cause of associated confusion, pain and suffering in crossdressers/transgendered people will be eradicated. On the whole, it really is that simple. Making it a reality is anything but simple, but worthy of fighting for.

Reality check
I understand that I can’t change the world and force enlightenment on a society that is more comfortable clinging to the past. Even so, I can make a difference and choose to do just that.

A meaningful and rewarding career
In order to devote proper time and resources into making a real difference, I need to do this full time. The only way that would be possible is if I no longer required the income of my day job, or somehow was able to turn this into my day job. For all of my hard labor thus far, I am no closer to making much of a difference, nor transforming my work into a meaningful and rewarding career in which my time and energy invested also allowed me to put food on the table. As stated, I’ve been going about it the wrong way.

Does it really matter?
I’m not sure why I’m explaining any of these things or if it really matters to people. More was deleted from this post than left in. Does anyone really care about what goes on behind the scenes and how much hard work really goes into this? It may seem overly dramatic – just how serious I am and my insistent devotion to making positive changes in the world. To some, perhaps it is even laughable that I care so deeply and willingly choose to put so much time and effort into what I do.

Much to think about
I’m going to relax for a while and just enjoy life a little. It is something I have not allowed myself to do for the last six months. In my time off, I’ll try to figure out where to go from here and how to make the most effective difference for the hard work invested. Ideas are constantly evolving and being processed in my mind. The ways in which one can effectively make a positive difference in the world are numerous. There are also some personal goals I haven’t had time to work on while keeping up with things here. I’d like to make some progress on that front as well.

Don’t forget me while I’m gone
I’m not really going anywhere – just taking time off from creating new content while I sort some things out. Comments will still be monitored and published. Communication with visitors and friends will not stop.

I’d love to hear from you
If you’ve enjoyed my offerings, and/or found something meaningful here, please leave a comment and let me know. I appreciate very much those of you who have taken the time to leave comments before and hope you’ll continue to do so.

Many visitors remain silent. I understand if you’re shy or maybe don’t have much to say, but please take a moment or two to share. If you’d rather communicate your thoughts privately than in a public comment, you can do so in this contact form. Please let me know why you visit, what you like, what you don’t, and what you’d like to see in the future. Write as much or as little as you want. Tell me what’s on your mind. Your words will help shape the future of this website, as will your silence.

Most of my life has been spent analyzing and trying to figure out what this all means. Confusion, guilt, low self-esteem and depression used to be the status quo for me. It’s been a long, difficult journey to self-acceptance and inner-peace, one that I almost didn’t survive, but I made it and learned a wealth of knowledge along the way.

This website was started with the intent to educate people about the realities of crossdressing and dispel the negative cliches and myths. I try also to offer insight and guidance for crossdressers who are dealing with their own issues and generally don’t feel good about themselves because of this aspect of their lives. Publishing an advice column seems the next logical step. It will allow the opportunity for an additional level interaction and communication with visitors.

A Dear Gabi link has been added to the navigation bar up at the top. Questions can be submitted using the form on that page. The content of the submission page may go through updates as things get ironed out, but it’s a good starting point. I encourage you to take a look.

Many people believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I can’t say that I believe the hardships suffered in my life happened for any particular reason – they just happened. Rather than feel sorry for myself in reflection of my past, I’ve chosen to make use of the knowledge acquired during my struggles.

Some of my best writing is the result of answering specific questions people have asked either via e-mail or in online message forums. It forces me to look deep within my own thoughts, understanding of life, and personal experiences to extract knowledge that I might not have otherwise gone looking for on my own.

Several weeks ago, I tested the water for this idea with a question sent to me by a visitor (with her permission). This post is in essence, my first published Dear Gabi Advice Column.

How often the advice column will be published depends on the number of requests received and the amount of time I can devote to properly addressing them. I don’t have all the answers – no one does, but I can offer compassion, understanding and direction to those who find their way here.

I don’t exactly have many videos to share right now but I decided to create a YouTube account. You can view the official myCDlife YouTube Channel by clicking the link. Before you go running off to check it out, please note that there is currently but a single short video there, and I’ve embedded it further down in this post.

I’m guessing “YouTube” was originally named in reference to the term “boob tube”, which was parent-slang for a TV… back when TV’s actually used a cathode ray tube (or CRT, look it up) to display video. I paid homage to the tube-based TV in the image for this post. That’s actually one of my older tube-TV’s. That bulky TV of nearly 20 years is almost TWO feet deep! :o Still works rather well though.

The idea to start a YouTube account came to me recently after posting a few short phone-videos on a crossdressing message forum. Some of the members had trouble viewing them in their native 3g2 format. The current version of QuickTime plays 3g2 video just fine, but not everyone has it installed or wants to install it. Flash-based video is all the rage these days. Pretty much, if you’re on the internet, you’ve got the Flash browser plug-in and have no trouble watching videos on any of the popular video sites.

Here’s the first (and currently only) video posted on my YouTube account. It’s just me trying to look cute and girly while offering a little message of video love. :) Sorry about the low quality. Shooting video on my phone is rather convenient, but my current phone doesn’t exactly capture high resolution, crystal clear video.

How often I’ll make new videos and post them to YouTube is uncertain. Finding the time to do so is one factor. Coming up with material people might actually be interested in viewing is another. Did you like the phone-cam video? Are cute little short videos like this are worthy of your time if I make more? Would you prefer something with more polish to it? Should I make short Gabi videos a reoccurring segment here and start a “video” category? Speak your mind, baby!

Do you have a YouTube account and want to be my close, personal YouTube BFF? Shoot me a friend request. My other social networking accounts kind of suffer from neglect (lack of time) but I love making new friends and would be honored to be your YouTube BFF. :)

The design, feel, and functionality of this website will probably change frequently as we get things worked out. We’ll be adding content while we experiment with the visual and functional details. As this first post is being authored, things look very plain. Just wait until we get all the fancy trimmings up, complete with chaser lights, a live band, and 3D laser light show! heehee

There, that wasn’t so bad for a first post. Every successful blog has to start somewhere. :)