Yesterday my latest package of mail-order clothing arrived. After arriving home from a long day at work, I quickly got out of my man-clothes and tried everything on. One garment at a time, my disappointment grew as I discovered nothing fit me. My lovely wife, on the other hand, ended up with a new elegant yet sexy little black dress and attractive bell sleeve top. She looks mighty fine in them, too, I must say. Finding female clothing items in my style and in my size often seems like a cruel exercise in futility.

Of the four items ordered, two have ended up in my wife’s already bursting closet, and two were shipped back to the online retailer. As for me, the one who desperately needs flattering tops that fit well and hide my not so feminine shoulders and arms – I get to pay more shipping fees and end up with nothing for my troubles.

It’s always a gamble buying clothes online… or at least it has been for me. I have yet to order a single item of clothing that actually fits. My upper-body is the problem area. Tops never seem to fit my broad shoulders and they’re always too short… or end up being too big all around, depending on size ordered.

I’m pretty choosy when it comes to clothing style. There are only a few general styles that I really enjoy – both on myself and to see other women wearing. Unfortunately, with the ever changing fashions each season, my preferred (generally form-fitting) clothing styles are not always in style and therefore not available in local women’s clothing stores. Even when things are purchased from local stores, they often don’t fit when I get home and try them on.

If you’re thinking my shoulders and arms don’t seem disproportionately large (for a lady) in my photos, that is because I’ve taken steps to minimize their appearance – both in the way I pose for photos and also the lighting utilized. In person, I look a little more like Gabrielle the pro-wrestler… at least in the few tops I currently have that fit semi-decently. Sleeveless tops fit best, but they also expose my well toned, somewhat muscular arms – not very flattering for a lady and nothing I’d be comfortable wearing outside the house.

My wife and I have been trying to find styles that are form-fitting, and yet would also minimize the appearance of my shoulders and arms. In our searches, we’ve come across some attractive clothing items in styles we both like, but nothing ever seems to fit. Sweaters are the exception, but it’s summertime and rather warm outside in my area.

There are several locally owned, less mainstream stores that I haven’t looked into yet. Because they’re not big chain stores, the clothes are more expensive and their return policy a bit more strict. Even so, perhaps I’ll have better luck in one of them.

It’s not easy being a crossdresser. I know I limit myself in the styles that I want to wear vs. what is available, but I can’t help it. I like what I like. My style may not always be in vogue, but it’s always my style.

Unfortunately, many of these sexy styles gave way to far more conservative fashions. Somehow “sexy” became almost synonymous with “slutty”. This is especially problematic for me because I really love dressing sexy. To the right there is an example of how I like to dress. I really love that outfit. It’s comfortable, I look good in it, and feel absolutely great about myself when I dress that way.

So how exactly did attractively “sexy” become cheap and “slutty”? There seems to be this notion that if a woman dresses too sexy, that she’s just trying to get guys horny, or she’s a slut, or prostitute. There’s a shame factor in dressing too sexy now. Why is that? Who cheapened sexy to slutty? Was it the fashion industry just wanting to sell more conservative styles? Was it insecure women constantly putting down other women who they felt looked better than they did by calling them sluts and whores? What happened?

If I choose to dress how I prefer to dress and leave the privacy of my home, I’d draw a lot of unwanted, negative attention. In order for me to blend in, I have to dress conservatively, or as I call it “femme-drab”. I really don’t like the whole conservative look. I exercise my ass off to look good and I sure as hell don’t want to have to cover it all up or dress in styles that I don’t find appealing. I won’t look good forever – let me show off what I got. What’s wrong with that?

Women’s styles have gone from ultra-girly and sexy to not-so-girly and conservative. Even today’s clothing that does reveal more skin still seems pretty unappealing, at least to me. Instead of showing off a woman’s beautiful figure, many of today’s styles effectively hide it. The whole “maternity” look is in style now. I keep waiting for it to go away, but it just keeps coming back in greater force each season. What happened to the waist line being… well, at the waist? Now the “fashionable” tops and dresses are draped like curtains from just under the breast-line and completely cover and hide the waist like a maternity top or dress would do. Yuck! I refuse to wear any of these styles. I don’t even like when my wife does, which luckily she doesn’t very often. It’s very unflattering and gives the illusion of a larger belly and wider hips, but most women seem to just eat it up. I don’t understand why, other than they simply follow the latest fashion trends, period. I’m not picking on anyone who actually enjoys this look, I’m just not a fan of it at all.

The increasingly popular women’s conservative look seems to be mostly confined to America (USA). Sometimes I watch the Spanish-speaking television network Univision. Their news broadcasts and TV shows are bursting with beautiful women, often dressed very sexy. You won’t find an American news broadcast featuring a gorgeous hostess wearing a low-cut minidress. Check out that comparison photo of a morning Spanish TV show (top) vs. a morning American TV show (bottom). Notice the difference in the women’s styles? Watch a newscast or telenovela (soap opera) on the Univision network and you’ll (usually) find very attractive women showing plenty of skin wearing sexy clothes. And guess what: it’s NOT considered slutty or inappropriate in their culture! So why then is it in the American culture? Sadly, I am starting to notice that maternity fashion spilling into women’s styles seen in the Spanish TV network. I’m hoping this trend will not continue.

The main point is: in (western) non-American cultures, “sexy” isn’t seen as a bad thing at all. If a woman dresses sexy and shows a lot of skin, it doesn’t mean that she’s “sending out the wrong message”. It simply means that she likes to look good, period. There’s nothing wrong with looking good… unless you’re a conservative-fashion, maternity-style loving American woman who sees “sexy” as “slutty”.

The miniskirt is certainly not dead in America. There are still beautiful women wearing tastefully sexy clothes and revealing plenty of skin, though not in the numbers there used to be. For the most part however, sexy is viewed as a bad thing and women tend not to dress as sexy anymore. Sexy and girly is out, conservative and femme-drab is in. Regardless of the current fashion trends or styles, I love to be girly and sexy. Unfortunately I’m likely to draw negative attention to myself in the sexy way I prefer to dress, and without good reason.

When I dress sexy, it does not mean, “hey – I want to get everyone horny because I’m an easy slut”. It only means, “I feel good about myself and like how I look when dressed like this.” Do I want to be admired for dressing sexy? You bet I do! Do I want to be lusted over? Uh… no. I dress to impress, not to arouse. The same was true when my wife used to frequently dress sexy. She loved how she looked and was not trying to attract men with it (as in, that was not her intent). She often got hit on for doing so, but she’s a tough woman and made it clear to men to leave her the hell alone.

I understand that there is a time and place for dressing certain ways. We dress differently at work that we might at home, or out with our friends. That’s fine for the most part. If I want to dress sexy in public on my time, there should be no problem with it. No one should be given a hard time for dressing sexy while doing their own thing. I also understand that not everyone wants to dress sexy or has a different opinion of what sexy is. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The point is we should all be able to dress however we choose without being seen or labeled in a negative light for doing so.

I’m tired of the sexy look being translated as “hey – I’m an easy slut!” I’m tired of sexy being viewed as bad, improper, wrong, and all the other negative garbage people associate with it (mainly in America). Having to dress in a way I do not find flattering just to blend in and be left alone when in public is dull, boring, and constricting. “Slut” is an attitude and behavior, NOT a look. It’s time to make “sexy” acceptable again. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sexy. If you think I’m an ugly t-girl from fashion-hell, ok – you’re allowed that opinion. If you think I’m a slut or look cheap because of the way I like to dress, then you’ve clearly got a problem and might benefit from seeing a therapist to address your insecurities and ill conceived opinions.

It’s bad enough I take flack simply for being a crossdresser. I don’t need any additional problems just because I like dressing sexy too. I may not truly pass as female in person, but I certainly don’t look bad the way I dress… not as bad as a lot of genetic women in my town might if they dressed the same. ;)

What’s your take on this? Have you made similar observations in women’s styles and fashions and how they are perceived by others? Do you like to dress sexy too, but fear what others will think or say if you do?

 
Fun fact: The word “sexy” appears in this write up a total of 36 times, including this fun fact and the title.