my CD life » coming out

Dear Gabi, Discovered by Wife… HELP!

Gabrielle — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 16:03:16 +0000

Dear Gabi,

Thanks for your page, I will be back to visit. I have dressed off/on since 5 years old. In an off phase went dated and married.

Had gotten back into and understand and accept now that it is part of me and great stress relief. Almost cost me my job due to poor reaction to stress.

I was trying to decide how to talk with my wife about it and left a journal site open. Now she knows before I was quite ready. I have seen your How to Tell Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser page but am looking for any other help tips there might be. If you have any, thanks.

I haven’t looked at everything here but your en femme pictures are awesome, you make very nice looking woman. If I can get half as cute as you I will be happy.

Good luck and enjoy in the future.

Sincerely,

Georgette

Dear Georgette,

You’re off to a good start, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. In accepting and embracing this aspect of your life, you have laid the foundation of stability on which to grow and evolve as a person. It’s healthier for one to allow oneself to be who they truly are rather than to deny or suppress it (barring circumstances that would be harmful to others).

In my opinion, it is best to share the truth with one’s spouse. We all have our personal matters of privacy. The difference between personal privacy and marriage-deal-breakers should be obvious between two people who know each other well enough to have tied the knot. If a marriage fails as a result personal disclosures, it is usually indicative of the fact it had a poor foundation to begin with (under false pretense). Concealed/hidden truths rarely make for a successful marital formula. I think you’re decision to tell your wife is the right call and a respectable move on your part. She deserves to know.

The worst takes place in your own mind
It is unfortunate that your wife discovered your feminine side before you were emotionally ready to disclose it – more so for you than for your spouse. The good news is, the fear and uncertainty you’re experiencing is probably more the result of over-thinking than anything else.

I understand you’ve been doing your homework and reading up on how to properly explain things to your wife. That’s a very intelligent move on your part and will benefit both of you. Concentrate your emotional energies on all that you’ve learned in your research and figure out how best to apply it to your own, unique situation.

It’s life as usual
Perhaps the best thing one can do after coming out to, or being discovered by their wife is to simply do nothing at all – at least at first. If the initial round of questions have been addressed, then you should give your wife some space and allow her ample time to process the information at her own pace. For many women, it can be a lot to take in, and understandably so.

This is where it can be difficult on your part, in terms of not quite being ready for this moment just yet. You might be filled with even more questions, concerns, and uncertainty than your wife. The fear and uncertainty a common emotion for those who are newly out to their spouse.

It is in your best interest to simply go about “life as usual” until your wife is ready to discuss things further and approaches you about it. This means do whatever you would normally do as if nothing has changed. Even if you’re not feeling the most confident inside, you had best put those feelings aside for now and put on a smile for the woman you love. Your wife has a lot to process and you need to let her know (by example) that everything is ok.

Danger, Will Robinson!
There is a trap that crossdressers often fall into – especially those who are newly out to a significant other. It’s what I call the “Is it because I’m a crossdresser?” syndrome. With the knowledge that your wife now knows about this aspect of your life, you may begin to question little things that were not much of a concern before. The reality is, people have disagreements and various ups and downs in their relationships. That’s the norm across the board. The fact that you’re a crossdresser has little (if anything) to do with that, except for in your own mind. If you ever find yourself wondering if something is wrong and ponder the question: “Is it because I’m a crossdresser?”, chances are, you’re just being paranoid. This is your que to immediately drop that thought process before you inadvertently stir up trouble where there was none to begin with. Your wife knows, and she didn’t run screaming or lay into you about it – that says a lot.

The marital trouble that occurs after coming out to (or being outed to) one’s wife is often the result of a paranoid transgender who has subconsciously instigated trouble all on their own. If you go looking hard enough for a problem in a specific area, you might just find what you were looking for… after having caused it yourself. It may not be easy, but take my advice when I say: do not go there. Should you find your thoughts dwelling on this paranoid line of reasoning, heed my warning.

It’s not the end of marital happiness if…
Your wife may end up understanding you better in time, and choose not to be an active participant in this aspect of your life. There is nothing that says she has to, either. This is a choice you must allow her to make for herself, and respect her decision should it be that of non-participation. It’s always more enjoyable when this can be shared between partners, but it’s not for everyone.

It’s not the end of the road if your wife doesn’t want to be take part of this aspect of your life. It is normal for wives and husbands to each pursue their own individual interests outside of that which they share with each other.

I am reminded of a popular tech podcast I enjoy. The podcaster eats, breathes, and lives tech. His wife does not. Their together life is pretty tech-limited. She has her thing, and he has his. Together they are a loving couple with other cross-over interests.

Being a tech-enthusiast is a very different animal than being transgendered. The point is that all married couples have their together-interests, and their separate-interests. It is up to each couple to settle upon that which is essential to share together, and that which can be enjoyed separately in order for the marriage to work best.

Take it easy and enjoy each moment for what it is
Sit tight, relax, and let things play out as they will. If you run into bumps along the way, do not stress. Bumps can be discussed and evened out later on. Be there for your wife and answer her questions with complete honesty. Don’t push her or rush anything. Above all – be the loving, caring, supportive spouse she’s always known and loved.

Good luck, and I wish all the best for you and your wife.

Related content: Dear Gabi Advice Column

Write to Gabrielle: Dear Gabi submission page

Dear Gabi, Should I Tell My Parents I’m a Crossdresser?

Gabrielle — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:43:17 +0000

Dear Gabi,

I am a crossdresser and I am really anxious about my parents finding out. Should I tell them or just keep hiding it?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Deciding whether to tell your parents about being a crossdresser or keeping it a secret can be a tough call. The anxiety felt in being discovered is very understandable – I was once there myself.

What is right for one, may not be for another and this is a decision that you must make for yourself. In the end, telling your parents will probably work out much better for you than being discovered or caught by them.

There are many things to consider before discussing with your parents. I suggest you give serious thought to the following:

What do you think will happen?
Have you considered how your parents may react when you explain to them you’ve been crossdressing? It’s not possible to accurately guess what will take place with any certainty, but think about the kind of people your parents are and how they might handle your coming out to them. This may be helpful in deciding how to best approach the subject with them.

Be prepared to answer questions
Most people do not understand crossdressing. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits all explanation, which often makes things that much more confusing to the uninitiated. When you explain to your parents that you are a crossdresser, they will have questions. It is important to be prepared for questions before coming out to them.

Some of the more frequently asked questions include:

How long have you been crossdressing?
Are you gay? / Do you like boys (in a romantic sense)?
Do you want to be a (real) girl?
Have you told anyone else?
Where did you get your female clothing? / Who’s female clothing have you been wearing?
Why do you want to dress like a girl?
Have you already or do you want to crossdress in public?
Do you want to crossdress all the time?
What’s next? /Where do we go from here?

You can’t anticipate every question that might be asked, but prepare for what you can and offer honest answers. If they ask questions that you are not quite certain how to answer, do not attempt to answer them yet. Don’t be afraid to explain that some questions require more time and thought to be properly addressed. It is best to thoroughly work out the right (truthful) answer and not to force out something that might not be very accurate. Things may get more complicated if not answered accurately/truthfully the first time around.

How confident are you?
It may not be easy to do, but it is important to display self-confidence should you decide to tell your parents. If your parents sense that you are confused and/or ashamed about your crossdressing, they might feel that professional “help” is needed and/or try to “cure” you. Although more people are beginning to understand that crossdressing is not a mental illness, condition, or disorder, many still believe it to be. Hopefully, that will not be the case with your parents, but it is a good idea to prepare for that possibility.

Keep in mind that how you deliver the news will influence how well it is received. Showing confidence and pride in yourself will go over a lot better than revealing something that you are ashamed or uncertain of.

I always explain my crossdressing as a gift. It is not something I suffer from or want to be rid of, but rather a cherished part of who I am and I am very happy to be me.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst
Hopefully all will go well if/when you explain to your parents about being a crossdresser. Even if they don’t understand it, they may still accept that it is a part of who you are and choose to learn more about it with you.

If your parents do not take the news well, how do you think you will react? Will you be devastated if they punish, scold or try to shame you? When I was discovered crossdressing by my mother at the age of 12, it was a very traumatic experience with long-lasting negative emotional consequences. That was a long time ago and times have changed considerably, but not every parent will be understanding or supportive.

Their roof, their rules
So long as your parents provide for you and you live under their roof, they have a lot of say in how you can live you life. If things do not go well, you might be forced to purge (get rid of) any feminine items you may have acquired. This is absolutely the wrong way for any parent to deal with a crossdressing child, but it is their right to establish the rules and guidelines that you must adhere to. They are only trying to do what they believe is best for you, even if their choices are misguided. Remember that in time, you will be on your own and able to live your life as you choose.

Good luck
There are plenty of good resources for your parents to learn more about crossdressing. I’d like to think my website is one of them. You may want to sit down and review some of the available information with them so that they can better understand.

Best of luck to you.

Related content: Dear Gabi Advice Column

Write to Gabrielle: Dear Gabi submission page

Vlog #3: Thanksgiving, Coming Out, and Horror Movies

Gabrielle — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:00:19 +0000

NOTE: I took the video offline, see below.

To my American friends, happy Thanksgiving, 2009, a day early. To friends around rest of the world, happy November 26, a day early. Holiday or not, I hope everyone enjoys the company of friends, family and good food.

This is vlog entry #3 – a (mostly) Thanksgiving themed video that is bit experimental in presentation. In a departure from grainy phone video, this one was recorded on a standard resolution video camera and features a few basic but fun visual effects.

In vlog episode 3, I discuss:

My low-key Thanksgiving Day plans
A Thanksgiving meal that does not include the traditional turkey
An inquiry into who plans on coming out to friends/family this holiday season
Meeting up with an old school friend who I came out to at my class reunion a few months ago
My love of horror and slasher films
Long-term plans to (hopefully) incorporate my feminine side with my creative interests in film/video and the horror/slasher movie genre

Thanksgiving
I was initially just going to do a Thanksgiving Day post without a vlog attached to it, but decided on a Thanksgiving themed video blog instead. As stated in the video, it’s just Mrs. H. and I this year – no extended family gathering. Honestly, it feels so good to just enjoy a nice, quiet holiday together sometimes. There will be plenty of family gatherings to attend this year. They’re fun, but can also be a stressful, too. I’m sure many of you can identify. Every few years, my wife and I like to spend Thanksgiving by ourselves and just relax. Do you and yours ever do the same on Thanksgiving or any other holiday typically associated with extended family gatherings? Tell me about it.

Coming out
Crossdressing being a social taboo, it is something many (most?) choose to keep very private about. I was that way until just last year when I came out to my wife. Do any of you plan on coming out to your wife, girlfriend, friends, or families this holiday season? If so, why did you choose the holiday? I’d like to hear what your plans are in that regard and how they turned out.

Christmas tree & decoration weekend
Putting up the Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving is pretty typical for many. I forgot to mention it in my video, but the fabulous Mrs. H. and I will be setting up our Christmas tree and putting out the seasonal decorations. Mrs. H. will be handling most of the decorating herself after I reassemble our artificial tree. She’s very good at it and really enjoys the process. It doesn’t do much for me – the actual activity decorating, that is. I like decorating myself (as in en femme, of course), but I don’t exactly have a flair for seasonal decorating or much interest in taking care of it, personally. Thankfully, there’s no need to because my wife does a fantastic job.

Who takes care of the decorations in your house? Is it a pretty mutual activity, or does one do more than the other? Do you use an artificial tree or prefer a nature-made real pine?

Horror movies
What a strange, mismatched topic to include in a Thanksgiving themed video blog. Then again, the topics covered in my previous vlogs were also varied to some extent. The point in my video blog series is sharing ideas, information, and just plan chatting about whatever. I do enjoy horror/slasher films and felt like chatting about it. In some ways, I’m sure that breaks a few stereotypes of “what crossdressers are in to”, and I really like that. People need to rid themselves off the stereotypes. Anyone who thinks they’ve got me all summed up because I crossdress is an idiot. I am many things – we ALL are. I am not defined by just my gender expression, but rather the sum of who I am, and that encompasses a plethora of things.

Lights, camera, action… WHOA!
What did you think of the presentation of this particular video blog? I had a lot of fun ideas, but time constraints greatly limited me to what I could include in it (in terms of visuals, sight gags, and additional supporting imagery).

On the technical end, I was very unhappy with the harsh lighting (for vanity reasons). It wasn’t until after reviewing the footage that I realized how terrible and unflattering the hard shadows made my face look. With some reluctance, I completed and published the video in spite of my unusually rugged appearance. The photo to the right (taken shortly after shooting the video) shows my face in softer, better light (click to enlarge). In the future, I’ll probably go with my phone camera again. Thought it lacks picture quality, it’s simple, effective, easy to work with, and requires a lot less preparation, set-up and time consuming postproduction work.

Some feedback on the technical end would be appreciated, if you have any to offer. What worked in this video and what didn’t? Were the visuals fun, or just distracting?

Sorry about the annoying hum noise
My apologies for that annoying damn hum sound in the audio. I was completely unaware of that while working on the video because it was not present in the (cheap) headphones I used during editing. Only after uploading the video to YouTube and listening to it on another computer did I realize there is a rather annoying low-spectrum hum present on the vocal track. Unfortunately, my time is up and the video is posted. YouTube doesn’t allow video replacement – I’d need to delete the video and re-upload it as new, which I really don’t want to have to do. The hum is rather irritating though, so I may just fix it, delete the old hum-video, and re-upload it anyway. Let me know if you heard the hum or not. Maybe I’ll get lucky and everyone will be listening with cheap headphones and not notice. lol
UPDATE: Hum noise fixed!

Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving holiday. Eat well, but don’t over-do it. Enjoy the company of friends and family, and remember to be thankful for all that you have. :)

Just a reminder
I have no control over the suggested videos offered after mine finishes. I do NOT endorse any of them.

Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 3)

Gabrielle — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:05:28 +0000

This is the third and final installment of attending my high school class reunion as Gabrielle. If you haven’t read part 1 and part 2 yet, I encourage you to do so before continuing.

A quick recap
Longing to get out in public and interact with people as Gabrielle, I attended my high class school reunion en femme. The photo to the right was taken just before leaving the house that evening. I was terribly nervous and it took me a while to find my stride, but eventually I hooked up with some old friends and wound up having a great time. I also found myself very much out of the closet to many more people than I was comfortable with.

In the days following the reunion, the realization of being “out” to so many people wreaked havoc on my emotional stability as I pondered all the terrible things that may come as a result. After some time, I realized that I was over-reacting and simply experienced some instability as a result of taking such big first steps out like that.

The experience changed me. Many fears were conquered that evening. The insecurities that followed have been properly dealt with and bother me no more. I’ve made some wonderful advances in my growth and evolution as a person. There were also some considerable failures on my part that evening – signs of how far I have yet to go.

Personal accomplishments
There were several points of progress made in attending my class reunion as Gabrielle. Some of them may seem insignificant, especially to those who has been boldly stepping out in public en femme with great success for some time now. For those of you who are still relatively new to getting out in public, or have yet to do so, these are the points that seem most relevant in my mind:

Stepped out of the car. One small step for a t-girl in high-heeled boots, but one giant leap on the courage front. It was the first time I stepped outside the safety of my car in a populated location.
Interaction with people en femme. Not only did I walk among people in a populated area, I interacted with several people as Gabrielle.
Outed myself. I didn’t intentionally out myself, but out I am, and to literally dozens of people who’ve only ever known me as my man-side, Gabe.
Relaxed and had a good time en femme. What good is being out in the world without also enjoying oneself? Nervous as I was, eventually I did loosen up and just enjoy my time among old friends. My appearance was (to my friends) a complete non-issue.
Braved the laughter. I was aware of the many people gawking at me like I was some kind of freak show. Also very noticeable were the ones pointing and laughing, even calling out to me at times. They laughed at me and I didn’t care. I still had a great time. Oddly, this is something I was unable to do back in high school as I was often made fun of and laughed at for just not fitting in. It used to hurt terribly. On this night however, their laughter had no negative power over me at all.

Personal failures
Even though I made some important advances in my evolution, there were some dismal failures as well. My insecurities got the best of me on a few fronts and manifested themselves in some rather embarrassing ways.

Secret identity. I showed up at my class reunion expecting to keep my male identity secret and refused repeatedly to tell people who asked (with good intention) who they used to know me as. Refusing to offer my male identity is fine in meeting new people, but at a class reunion? I really should have thought this through better and been more reasonable. Most of the people who asked were clearly well-intentioned in their inquiry. Unrealistic expectations and poor behavior on my part.
Little miss bashful. Every time someone asked my male-identity, my response included very juvenile and overly shy behavior and mannerisms. I literally tried to “cute” my way out of the question… and probably looked like a damn fool each time. Way to leave ‘em with a good impression, Gabrielle. Aside from the fact that this information should not have been kept secret at a class reunion, I simply should have explained that I didn’t want to reveal that information and behaved like an adult.
The need to explain myself. Over and over, I felt an overwhelming need to explain to people that I’m not confused about who I am, my wife knows about my feminine side, and that I do not present myself like this full-time. Almost every person I interacted with that evening looked at me wide-eyed, surprised, uncertain as how to interact with me, and very obviously tried to behave as if “everything was ok” (a polite gesture that was very much appreciated). In turn, I felt it necessary to explain myself. If they think I’m confused about myself or believe that (I think) I look 100% female in appearance, I should explain that I’m not confused and fully aware of my inability to pass. If they think I’m a mental case or wonder if “my wife knows”, I should explain that I’m happily married, my wife accepts me as I am, and life is good. It’s hard to really convey exactly how many people looked at me, unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Rather than keep trying to explain myself, I should have simply been myself, conversed with them, and displayed by example that I’m very down-to-earth, normal, and put them at ease with pleasant conversation.
Way too girly. Even after loosening up among friends, my behavior and mannerisms were a bit exaggerated and overly girly, or so that is how it sits in my memory. Although existing as Gabrielle feels very natural to me, I have yet to work out my public mannerisms and behavioral display. The opportunity to develop it naturally over the years did not exist in my life. I was forced to (or felt extreme pressure to) “man-up” in order to fit into society.

I’m fairly pleased with the progress made for my adventure. Even my failures offer me a pretty clear map of where I need improvement. Part of the funk I fell into immediately following my reunion was the fact that I might have made a much better impression on my class (as a whole) had I shown up as Gabe, wearing a nice suit, with my wife by my side. I was not popular in school, often regarded as a freak and social misfit and made fun of as such. It would have sat better with me to show my old class how far I’ve come since those dark years in my life. Instead, many of them saw me as a freak and social misfit… once again filled with insecurities and visibly awkward in my behavior (not quite ready to be out in public as Gabrielle).

I’m ok with it now though. Perhaps the legacy of Gabe will remain that of a weird-o freak in the minds of many in my class. I do not regret showing up as I did but rather wish I was better prepared in doing so.

Interesting and unexpected reactions
This being my first time interacting with people (in person) as Gabrielle, I was a little surprised by some of the reactions people displayed when seeing me. I fully expected to be read and laughed at. I even worried about the potential for harm. Some of the reactions I got from people are still under analysis in my mind.

Several people refused to make eye contact with me, or would very quickly look away if our eyes met. I think in some cases, they were genuinely attempting to be polite and not “stare”, or be perceived as staring at me because I’m “different”. In other cases, it felt more like they simply wanted nothing to do with me, as in breaking eye-contact sends out the message of “do not talk to me”.

The most confusing reaction was that of the invisible bubble around me that seemed to keep people from getting too close. There was an obvious hesitancy for some people to step into the space surrounding me. For instance, if there were 8 people chatting with each other before I entered the space, 4 of them drifted off and remained at a distance while I was present, waiting and watching from the side-lines. It almost seemed as if they were afraid of me, like I had the plague and they didn’t want to risk catching it – a reaction I was not expecting. In reflection, I think they just didn’t know what to make of me, and my presence made them uncomfortable, so they remained at a “safe distance”.

Many of the people I spoke with in brief had the look of horror on their faces, as if there were an ax sticking out the top of my head and blood dripping down. Their eyes remained very wide open as they politely spoke with me, attempting to behave as if everything was “normal”. One man shook my hand repeatedly during a brief conversation, as if to let me know he was ok with me being as I was. In school we were acquaintances, but not really close. Unlike others who looked away as our eyes met, he chose to approach me when we made eye contact. He was obviously uncomfortable in my presence, but made an honest effort to appear welcoming to me, which was appreciated, if awkward.

Were there others?
A thought that is often on my mind when I’m out in guy-mode is how many other undercover part-time t-girls are there among me? At the reunion, I was the only genetic male en femme, but statically, there should have been at least one or two more (closet) crossdressers. Did any of them say hi to me? Did they regret not showing up en femme? Are they still too heavily closeted to even consider such a move? That will remain a mystery.

Life outside the closet
Immediately following my class reunion, I felt terribly exposed and feared negative fall-out as a result of now being “out”. As of yet, nothing bad has come of it – at least not that I’m aware of. I’m honestly very comfortable now in terms of people knowing me as I truly am. Those who were cool to me, and those who laughed – it’s all good.

My somewhat neglected (man-side) facebook account started receiving friend requests from people I encountered that evening. There were some pleasant, though fairly brief message exchanges as a result. I added a photo of Gabrielle (the same one seen up top minus the text) to my facebook photos, labeled only as “a dear friend of my wife”. Consider it a small step forward in coming out to others.

A woman I was friends with in high school actually saw me at the reunion (though we did not meet up there), but didn’t realize it was me until finding the (Gabrielle) photo in my facebook pictures. Her friend request came as a result of discovery through mutual friend and not because of the reunion itself. She let me know she was cool with it, even if it was just a prank I pulled. I could have easily told her “Yep – it was just a joke”, but chose to fill her in on the reality. She explained that she didn’t understand it, but has always liked me and that hasn’t changed regardless of my gender expression. If only more people in this world were as accepting. We also enjoyed a brief exchange that died off in a few days, more so because of busy lives and not because of my femme-side.

I may be “out” as a transgender but the link between Gabe and Gabrielle remains a secret, at least for now. In part 1, I explained that a different femme-name was used (instead of Gabrielle).

How does my wife feel about this?
Mrs. H. is not yet comfortable with my being “out” to my high school classmates. She fears that someone may use this information to somehow cause me trouble. Her concern is understandable.

She also feels let down. For years, she had expressed an interest in attending my reunion with me (as Gabe, not Gabrielle). Aware of my very troubled times in high school, she wanted to be by my side as I showed people the confident, mature, strong and handsome man I had become… one with a rather attractive wife. When I found out about the reunion, only a few weeks prior, my interest level was very low, so I didn’t mention it to her. It was only at the last minute that I decided to attend (as Gabrielle) and filled my wife in as to my intention. My only real regret of the evening was in not allowing my wife an opportunity that oddly meant more to her than it did to me – a selfish move that I didn’t fully comprehend the scope of until talking with her after the fact. I could have shown up as Gabe, my lovely wife by my side, and made a very good impression on my old classmates as such.

Come so far, yet so much farther to grow
In venturing out as Gabrielle to my class reunion, I made great strides in my personal growth. I also discovered how much I have yet to learn. It is so very different being Gabrielle online than live and in-person, among people. Understanding the psychology of being who and what I am is one thing. Finding my footing in out in the world as Gabrielle is something that I have much to learn about.

What’s next?
I’ve ventured out as Gabrielle a couple more times since my reunion. There have been additional successes, failures, and an unsettling cold dose of reality in the form of intolerance and hate. Next up will probably be my first foray into vlogging as Gabrielle.

Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 2)

Gabrielle — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:00:01 +0000

This is part 2 of attending my high school class reunion as Gabrielle, and reflection upon what took place immediately following. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, I encourage you to do so before continuing.

A quick recap
The opportunity to transform into Gabrielle was present on the day of my high school class reunion. Longing to get out of the house, into the world, and be among people as Gabrielle, I decided to attend my class reunion en femme.

Things were off to a bumpy start after arriving. Extremely nervous and full of insecurities, I clumsily fumbled my way through for a while. In time, I hooked up with some old friends and began to find my stride. I didn’t reveal who my man-side was, but they figured it out on their own. Unintentionally out of the closet and among accepting friends, my enjoyment level was through the roof. I felt invincible, though still a bit awkward at the same time.

As the reunion came to an end, my classmates invited me to meet up with them afterward at a local bar. Ready to take on the world, I accepted and headed out to meet them, en femme, in a town that is not exactly friendly toward people like me.

A voice of reason
On the way to the bar, I called my wife to let her know where I would be. I always let her know where I’m going when en femme, just in case anything goes wrong. Worried for my safety, she urged me not to go to a public bar en femme. I explained that I’d be among friends and nothing would go wrong, but she stuck to her position, fearing something terrible might happen to me. Long ago, I learned to trust my wife’s intuition regardless of how I felt. Believing nothing would go wrong, I agreed to return home anyway.

Coming down from an incredible high
The feeling of being out en femme and finding acceptance in reunited high school friends was simply amazing. All wound up and feeling good, I didn’t want to take off my makeup and go to bed. Being a person who generally does not enjoy social events, this was a rather extraordinary experience. I had a great time. I felt on top of the world. I felt invincible and was planning on going everywhere as Gabrielle. I had trouble sleeping that night.

The morning after – I did WHAT?!!!
It didn’t take long for the realities of the previous evening to start sinking in early the next morning. No longer under the influence of an adrenaline high, the realization of the fact that I am now out of the closet was doing some ugly things in my mind. I began to regret what I had done and started questioning everything. Did I put myself in danger? Dozens of people (perhaps more) know my “secret” now – a social taboo that comes with a terrible stigma attached. They know who I am (as in my man-side) and can easily find out where I reside. Did I put my wife in danger because of my actions? If any harm comes to her as a result, I’ll never forgive myself. What happens next? Even my wife expressed concern about the potential for vandalism now that people know. Is this just a heightened sense of paranoia? What have I done?

Coming out of the closet is a one-way street
What’s done is done – there is no turning back. A smarter move would have been coming out to trusted friends and family first, then taking things slowly from there. Instead, I chose my high school class. Most of them were anything but friends to me in high school and certainly not people I trust. Several of them did in fact look at me like I was some kind of freak show. I saw them laughing at me. I heard them calling out to me. It didn’t bother me too much the night before… but it was doing a number on me now. The cat is out of the bag and there is no putting it back in.

Troubling emotions and insecurities
Long before attending my reunion, I had communicated with other crossdressers about their first time out in public and interacting with people en femme. A common reaction described is second guessing of actions and regret. The psychology is similar to that of buyer’s remorse, however infinitely more complicated, especially in my case. I didn’t just get out in public en femme, I also came out to a whole lot more people that I’m comfortable with. My buyer’s remorse was quite a heavy load and I could feel myself emotionally buckling under its crushing weight.

From a feeling of invincibility and wanting to go everywhere en femme, all of a sudden I was questioning whether or not this aspect of my life was worth it or even healthy. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe I’d be better off if I just packed “Gabrielle” away and lived my life as a man (only) from now on. It would certainly be a lot easier that way… at least in terms of fitting into society. For the next several days, I had no desire to crossdress.

Knowledge is power
Riddled with emotional insecurities and questioning my own sanity, my trusted friend TVOW (pronounced: TEE-vow, an acronym for the voice of wisdom in my mind) helped me through. Even filled with self-doubt, TVOW reminded me of the reality – there is absolutely nothing wrong with who I am, at least not because of this aspect of my life. It is society’s misinformation, lies and rules of conformity that has once again infiltrated my mind during a spell of heightened paranoia. Thank God for TVOW – the part of my mind that never buckles under the pressure of an unaccepting society and its negative influence on me. Though feeling weak, insecure, and full of doubts, I knew better than to allow this to defeat me. As it has a thousand times before, this feeling of insecurity and self-doubt would soon pass.

For those who struggle, I hope you’re paying attention
I could easily write volumes about the emotional roller coaster ride that I experienced after going to my class reunion and coming out of the closet (or more accurately, being outed by my own poor planning). The point is that everyone has weak moments in life. Everyone questions their lives. It is important to remember that these feelings of insecurity are only temporary. Those who have knowledge, wisdom, and the courage to stand up and be themselves will conquer these emotions and grow stronger as a person. Those who do not… well, you have my sympathy. I was once weak and afraid to be myself, too. Although I may not be able to be myself for all the world to see just yet, mainly for safety reasons and job security, I’ll never renounce who I am. The only purging I’ll do is that of negative emotions and bad influences in my life. Regardless of temporary set backs and slow-downs, my journey in life shall move forward. My choice is to grow and evolve, not retreat.

There’s more to tell
I’ve outlined the experience of attending my class reunion en femme and the shaky emotional trip immediately following, but the story doesn’t end there.

In part 3, I’ll discuss:

My accomplishments and failures.
Some unexpected reactions from people at the reunion.
Life outside the closet.
My wife’s take on things.
Lessons learned.

Continue to Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 3)

Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 1)

Gabrielle — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:57:38 +0000

About a month ago, I attended my high school class reunion as Gabrielle. A picture is worth a thousand words, but this one is a bit misleading. You may see a happy t-girl, having a good time and enjoying herself among old high school friends and classmates. In reality, that was not the exactly case, at least not at the time the photo was taken. The smile was forced and I was terribly nervous. I did end up having a good time after loosening up, but the evening was not all fun and games. Nor was it a smart move on my part to show up en femme, unprepared as I was on many fronts.

I’ve been pushing myself and trying to make progress in this aspect of my life. Though I’ve gone for drives en femme, ordered fast food at the drive-thru, and even gone for short walks in isolated areas, I had yet to be out among, and interact with people as Gabrielle – a vital part of my personal growth and evolution. With few exceptions, everyone has a need to be out in the world. For many of us, that includes being out in the world in our feminine form. Prior to this outing, I often felt like I was all dressed up with no place to go as Gabrielle.

An opportunity of convenience
With the opportunity to get all dressed up and my class reunion taking place on the same day, why not attend en femme? The location was in a good area. People dress up nicely for these things, so I shouldn’t stand out as being over-dressed for the occasion. It would allow me the chance to finally be out among and interact with people as Gabrielle in a semi-controlled and relatively safe environment. It was long overdue that I made some progress on this front after having ventured out several times before only to remain in my car (out of fear of being harmed).

Taking those first steps
It was around 9:00 PM or so when I arrived at the reunion. Things were starting to wind down and some people were already leaving as I drove around to scope out the area before parking down the road. I sat and went over everything in my head for at least 20 minutes before finally drumming up enough courage to get out of the car. With a final makeup and hair check, I stepped outside the comfort and safety of my car, composed myself, and headed down the road to the building entrance about 30 yards away. This seemed crazy and my mind filled with doubts as I walked down the road alone in the dark.

Here goes nothing
I entered the building and made my way to the party room, passing a few people on the way. Judging by their facial expressions (people I walked by), I was immediately read, but they just looked away quickly and there were no adverse reactions.

The DJ music was pretty loud. The catering service was picking up remnants of food served earlier. People were up and about, mingling, laughing, drinking, dancing, and having a good time. Looking around, my eyes could not identify any familiar faces. Two women were chatting with each other nearby so I asked if this was my class reunion. After a brief moment of surprise on their faces as they made eye contact with me, they confirmed. Again, t-girls are not the norm around here and they knew immediately I was genetically male.

Unprepared for a simple little question
The women in the doorway were both kind to me as we conversed briefly. It felt odd talking with them as Gabrielle. My femme voice is terrible, but masked slightly by the loud music. Though I tried to smile and act “normal” (whatever that is), I was very nervous. One of the women asked my name and I offered my femme name. It was difficult to hear with the loud music and when she repeated my name back to confirm, a different name was spoken. She misunderstood me, but I confirmed my name as the other name rather than correct her. I went by the other name (not Gabrielle) for the rest of the evening. Then she asked me who she knew me as years ago in high school. I wasn’t prepared to offer that information and the question caught me off guard. Why was I here? What was I expecting? I believed, in part, that my male identity would simply remain a mystery to people that night. Not exactly a realistic expectation, but very little thought was put into this ahead of time.

Exit stage left
What happened to my inexhaustible ability to conquer the world? If I was once Superman… er, Super T-girl, someone surely snuck some kryptonite into my purse because whatever shred of self-confidence I was still clinging to left me. My mannerisms took on that of an adolescent girl who was trying to act all cute and bashful in order to get out of an uncomfortable situation… only I can’t say it fit me well. I felt like a fool. The women were ok with me not sharing my man-name. I spoke to one of them for a while longer, and then took a few quick photos with my phone cam, the best of which you see up top. Time to get out of here before I make a total ass of myself.

Maybe just a little longer
My nerves were telling me to leave now, but my feet were not moving. A few more people approached me over the next several minutes. After a brief exchange with each, I continued to refuse requests for my male identity, behaving overly shy each time.

Another woman approached. I barely knew her in school, but she remained with me for a while and we enjoyed some pleasant conversation. She asked if I intended to “go all the way” (have a sex change). I laughed and explained more about who I am (as a crossdresser and part time t-girl). She told me I looked “rockin’” (referring to my outfit). The compliment lit me up with a great big smile and offered a nice ego boost. Unfortunately I did not take any full shots of me that evening. Aside from the lighting not doing my face justice, the rest of me did look rather nice. I was wearing a black miniskirt (the same one in this photo), black knee-high, high-heel boots, and a sexy black clingy, sleeveless top, with a black sleeved-top that tied at the waist over it (same black cover-top as in this photo, also same boots).

I later found out she was in the final stretch of earning her Ph.D. in psychology. That worked rather well in my favor and explained why she was so comfortable approaching and chatting with me. Any well educated psychology professional fully understands that we’re not mentally ill freaks or perverts. She also encouraged me to get beyond the entrance way, go mingle, and enjoy myself. After spotting a few people I remembered as friends, I did just that, her encouragement much appreciated.

Starting to have some fun
There was a brief surprised look on the faces of my old friends when I approached. They were welcoming and we started mingling. One guy (the only male in the bunch) was a little weirded out that I seemed to know all about him while he did not know who I was, but it wasn’t much of a big deal. I kind of had some fun with that. Aside from dodging the question of my male identity yet again, I was finally just chatting with people and having a good time doing so.

Surprise
The class president approached and asked who he knew me as years ago. Now living in New York City, he explained that he had “seen it all before” and was just fine with people like me. Again, I refused to give up my male identity, and we spoke briefly before I returned to my friends a few feet away. The sole male classmate of the group had a big smile on his face. He asked if I had been to a certain restaurant lately… the same restaurant that my wife and I met up with him and his wife a few years prior. He figured out my male identity. They all knew at this point. I was effectively out of the closet. To my surprise, I took it in stride. A weight lifted from my shoulders – there was no more secret to guard. Knowing exactly who I am, they continued to enjoy my company as if I was just an old friend, no different than anyone else… which is exactly how things should be.

A beautiful transformation
I was no longer some mystery t-girl who crashed the reunion. They knew me, accepted me, and seemed interested only in enjoying my company. I experienced an indescribable feeling of freedom. My brain was acting like a sponge, soaking up the potent happy-juice that was being released in intoxicating levels by my endorphins. Well aware of the many eyes upon me, people pointing and laughing from afar, and being looked at as somewhat of a freak show, I didn’t care anymore. To this group of old friends, I was just a regular, normal person. The guy who initially figured me out described my showing up en femme as “the more normal part of the evening” for him in a later e-mail conversation. There was nothing fake about this. I finally got to unwind and truly be myself among friends – we were all just having a good time, period.

“Super T-Girl” is ready to conquer the world
The class reunion was ending, so shortly after I finally got my footing and started having a good time. My friends invited me to meet up at one of the local bars afterword. The offer surprised me a little. I don’t pass. This town is not very open-minded, especially not to “differences” like mine. They obviously didn’t see any harm in my venturing out into the wild en femme. There’s safety in numbers so what could go wrong? Delighted, I accepted their offer.

While driving to the bar to meet up with the gang, I called my wife to let her know where I was going…

It doesn’t end here
There is more to share about this evening and the aftermath there of. Perhaps most interesting is what took place emotionally the next morning as certain realities sunk in.

In parts 2 and 3, I’ll discuss:

The dangers of feeling invincible in public en femme.
The emotional roller coaster ride experienced over the next several days.
My accomplishments and failures.
Some unexpected reactions from people at the reunion.
Life outside the closet.
My wife’s take on things.
Lessons learned.

Continue to Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 2)

How to Tell Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser

Gabrielle — Fri, 08 May 2009 09:17:12 +0000

You’re a closet crossdresser ready to tell your wife about your feminine side. This may seem like a daunting task, but with some preparation and a good game plan, you can do it. This is my personal opinion and advice on the subject:

Keeping secrets is bad
Lies, secrets, and deception are potent ingredients in the recipe for a failed marriage. Although telling your significant other the truth before taking your vows is always the best course of action, it is often not done for a variety of reasons. Like I was, many are still in a state of confusion or self-denial about their crossdressering when they got married.

In some instances, it may be best to remain in the closet – at least for the time being. If you enjoy a happy family life, have things truly under control, and have reason to believe that coming out may have terrible consequences for your family, perhaps it is best to leave well enough alone. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Ultimately, it is up to each individual to decide what is best for them. My personal opinion is that a woman has the right to know about the man she married, just as the man has the right to be himself without having to hide who he is. Of course, she also has the right to tell him good bye if she feels that his secret is too much for her to take. I’ll address that scenario in more depth later in this article.

Understand who you are
Before initiating this conversation with your wife, you’d better be certain you understand it yourself. If you still have confusion about who or what you are, hold off on the talk. Your wife will probably sense your confusion and may conclude that your crossdressering is a disorder or mental illness – something you need help to overcome like alcoholism or an obsessive compulsion. If you’re still struggling to understand it yourself, I strongly advise seeking therapy with a trained professional before talking to your wife. Most therapists are used to this discussion topic and will be able to help you work through your confusion. You might even consider finding one that specializes in gender identity counseling.

Test the water
If you are concerned about how your wife might react to the news, test the water first. Figure out a way to broach the subject without letting on that it is really about you.

If you think your storytelling skills are up to par, consider just making up a story about a co-worker or someone you know (and your wife does not). Explain that your friend Susan just found out about her husband being a crossdresser. You can either put a positive or negative spin to gauge your wife’s reaction. For instance, Susan found out and was very intrigued and excited by the news, or perhaps she was very upset and was thinking about leaving her husband.

The idea is to get your wife to offer her opinion on the matter without noticeably prompting her to. Understanding where she sits on things before having the talk will offer some insight as to how she will react when you tell her the news.

Don’t play the surprise game
Deciding to come out to your wife by surprising her completely en femme is probably not a good idea. You may want to have a picture or two handy when you talk to her, but do not just spring this on your wife while all dressed up. It may be very shocking and upsetting to her. Even though this is an integral part of your life, you also need to be sensitive to how she may feel and react. Talk first. Introduce your feminine side later.

Timing is everything
It is a good idea to have a specific time set aside to have this important conversation. You may or may not specifically make your wife aware of it ahead of time, so long as you know she’ll be available. Be certain that there will be ample free time in which to let the conversation play out without interruption. This could be a long talk, so plan accordingly.

Hold off on having the conversation if there are currently other matters that weigh heavily on your wife’s mind. For instance, if your wife is working through some kind of personal troubles or your pet dog just died, it’s not a good time. Wait for a time when everything is relatively uneventful.

It’s a gift, not a disease
Regardless of how the general public views crossdressering, it’s not a disorder, mental illness, disease, addiction, or the work of the devil. Psychiatric professionals will explain that crossdressing is perfectly normal, and that it is society that has the problem, not the crossdresser. Do not present this part of your life like some kind of terrible condition or affliction you suffer from. It is a difference, plain and simple. Everyone has differences. It is a part of who you are. You have a beautiful gift to share with your wife. Treat it as such.

It is understandable to feel nervous about this discussion. Even so, remember that how you present this part of your life will influence how well it is received by your wife.

Prepare yourself for the questions
Your wife is probably going to have a plethora of questions and you’d better be prepared to answer each of them and remain cool while doing so. Although you won’t be able to anticipate every question she’ll have, it is a good idea to prepare in-depth answers to some of the more common ones:

“Are you gay?” “Do you want a sex change?” “Are you going to start dressing like this all the time?” “Why didn’t you tell me this before we got married?”, etc.

Put the proper thought into your answers and be completely honest with your wife with each of them. Do not withhold information as it defeats the purpose of this important conversation.

If you are asked questions that you honestly do not immediately have an answer for – defer them until later. You’ll be better off getting back to her with those answers after putting proper thought into them, than if you just blurt out something that may not be entirely accurate as to how you feel. This is an important issue, so take the extra time and do it right. Even though you’re having “the big talk”, in reality coming out it is a process. One cannot expect to cover everything in a single conversation. It will probably be a series conversations over a period of time.

How much to explain in one conversation should be gauged by your wife’s reaction to what you have to say. If she is immediately upset and argumentative, it may be best to stop and let things settle in for a day or two before continuing with this topic of discussion.

Be prepared for potential fallout
Once you’ve delivered the news, there may be some difficult times ahead if your wife doesn’t immediately warm up to the idea. She might require some time to get used to the idea of your feminine side. She might not be entirely happy with it, but still choose to love and accept you as you are.

You have the right to be yourself and express yourself however you choose. You have the right live your life without someone else dictating how you can and cannot dress or present yourself. And your wife has the right to reject you if it is too upsetting or undesirable to her.

Some women will never accept or be happy with a crossdressing man, period. The thought their man in a feminine light might be upsetting and/or turn them off, and there’s not much that can be done to change how they feel. You may be faced with the dreaded ultimatum: “Either give up your crossdressering or I’m leaving you and you’ll never see your children again.” Whether or not she can really deliver on the “never see your children again” part, you may soon find yourself on the road to divorce.

How to deal with an ultimatum is up to you. If you believe you can truly be happy living life as half a person and give up your feminine side/things forever, you might be able to save the marriage. Keep in mind that changing who you are when there is nothing wrong with you, in order to save a relationship, is never a healthy move. A well-trained, licensed therapist will tell you the same. If you have to suppress and deny yourself who you are in order to be accepted and loved, then you are not truly being loved in the first place. You deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are, not just who someone else wants you to be. In addition, your wife deserves to be with someone who does not need to lie or repress his natural human instincts to be himself in order to please her.

Divorce is not the end of the world however. Weigh a lifetime of self-denial and personal turmoil against the idea of temporary heartbreak and hardship with the prospect of finding true happiness on the other side of the pain. After all is said and done, you will have the opportunity to find someone who will love all of you rather than just a part of you (your man-side). There are plenty of women who would enjoy the chance to fall in love with a crossdresser, and even prefer to be with one.

Although not crossdressing related, my parents went through a divorce and it was hard on the whole family. In the end, they both found people more compatible to each. I can honestly say I’ve never seen either of them happier than they are now.

Crossdressering is only one of thousands of things that could result in divorce. The bottom line is that marriages tend to fail when people are not compatible enough, period. Neither one can force their ways on the other and expect real happiness to come of it. Both parties need to be compatible, happy and content with themselves and each other in order for the relationship to work.

I am not advising remaining with or breaking up with a woman who does not accept your crossdressing. My point is to think seriously about the realities and consider your options wisely.

Good luck
Hopefully, your marriage will not come to an end when you explain your feminine side to your wife. Some marriages are greatly enhanced when a man can offer the best of both worlds to his wife. That is how things turned out for my wife and I. After coming out to her, we became even closer we ever have been before. There’s an extensive additional territory to explore and have fun with together. I took a somewhat different approach to telling my wife, but my circumstances were unique to begin with. You can read about how I came out to my wife by clicking the link.

Hopefully this has shed light on some important things that need to be taken into consideration when it is time to have that necessary talk with your wife. Whatever you decide is right for you, I hope the final outcome brings happiness, joy, a sense of wholeness and freedom to your life.

How I Came Out to My Wife

Gabrielle — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:00:19 +0000

One of the questions I’m often asked by other crossdressers is how did I come out to my wife. I enjoy a very happy marriage and my wife is an active participant in my crossdressing. She helped me learn how to apply makeup, shops for female clothing with me, and is supportive of my need to be myself.

So how did I do it? Why is it that the Fabulous Mrs. H. loves her crossdressing spouse, Gabrielle, when other crossdressers run into giant road blocks with their wives/girlfriends? I wish I could tell other crossdressers that it was how I came out to her, but the fact is how I came out had little to do with her acceptance of me.

Like many crossdressers, I got married without first telling my wife about this aspect of my life. At the time, I was very ashamed of it and feared she would reject me if she knew. The seeds of her acceptance however, were sewn long before we got married. Even so, I still greatly feared rejection from the woman I love more than anything.

In many ways, I guess you could say that I got very lucky when it comes to my wife. She’s a very open-minded woman and always has been. Unlike much of society, adhering to accepted social behaviors and standards has never been her way. Instead, she’s always just chosen to be who she is and live her life as she chooses. It really blew my mind as I got to know her better – just how open-minded she really was (and is). It was very refreshing and just what I needed in my life.

An Interesting Request
I clearly remember one particular request she made of me one day long ago. At the time, we had not been dating very long. The two of us were enjoying some time together at my place. With a playful smile, she asked if I would wear one of her miniskirts for her. She had extra clothes with her having spent the night. Being a crossdresser she didn’t need to twist my arm! Even so, I was very shy about this. At the time, I was still very ashamed about this aspect of my life… but what if she’s into this kind of thing? With an odd mix of reluctance and excitement, I put on her black, form-fitting miniskirt. That was all I wore on this day – no other women’s clothes at this time. Under the skirt, I wore men’s bikini underwear. She absolutely loved it and was smiling ear to ear. It was at this moment that I realized the potential to someday truly be myself around the woman I love… but that day would not come for many years.

Mixed Signals
Fast forward to our married years. On occasion, my wife asked me to dress up fully in women’s clothes (no makeup). It was kind of a kinky sex thing that she enjoyed. She’d pick out some of her clothes for me and I was always happy to wear them for her. This was not a frequent happening however, and she was always in control of when. Several times over the years I attempted to initiate some dress-up time with her, but she almost always shot it down, (unintentionally) making me feel very bad about myself in the process. She had no clue I was a crossdresser – she just thought I was a loving husband who was willing to do things with her that most men would not.

It seemed that only she could initiate feminine dress-up time and was turned off by my own requests to do so. Therefore I kept the truth about my crossdressing a carefully guarded secret for more than a decade (after getting married).

As the years went by, I secretly dressed up when alone in the house. Like most closeted crossdressers, I acquired many female clothing items over the years and kept a hidden stash. Keeping this big secret wore on me over time though. I needed to be me more than just when my wife was out of the house, or on the somewhat rare occasion she asked me to dress up for her.

Last year (2008), there was an increase in my wife’s requests for me to dress up. By this time, I also had some of my own female clothes donated to me by my wife, BUT also told that I was only to wear them around her and only when asked to.

The Game Plan
Here’s where the process of coming out of the closet began. Over the course of the year, I made it a point to initiate conversations about her kinky desires to see me in women’s clothes. A conscious effort was put forth to keep this in her mind as much as possible – get her talking about it, thinking about it, and offering new ideas on how to take this further and make it more enjoyable. It slowly worked. She began asking me to dress up more frequently and we were both having a great time with it. Little by little, more clothing items were added to my wife-donated women’s wardrobe. She even began purchasing items specifically for me to wear for her, rather than just giving me things from her own closet.

I kept at it – constantly jumping any opportunity to engage her in conversation about this subject, while carefully not going overboard with it. It wasn’t just about getting more dress-up time with my wife though. Each time, I made sure to fill in a little more of the puzzle for her. I carefully began to paint the picture of who I really am. Just little bits at a time though, carefully monitoring how she felt and where her mind was with things along each step of the way.

It was about half way through the year that I explained to her my desire to see myself fully dressed as a woman, complete with hair, makeup, nails, and the works. She liked the idea, but also displayed some uncertainty. I continued working on her and by August, the date was on the calendar. Because of a hectic and busy life (and needing to keep it a secret outside of us), being fully made up with nails, etc. is rather tricky. A small window of opportunity was present in December 2008 and we planned around it.

As the date drew nearer, I continued explaining more about myself with each dress-up session and in general conversations about it. It was working nicely. Slowly she was getting the picture about me. Slowly I was sharing myself with my wife… completely.

A Road Block
When the time came to be fully dressed up head to toe in full makeup, nails, etc., my wife got her period. She wasn’t feeling well and sex was pretty much out of the question. She wanted me to wait (to be made up fully in makeup) until another time… which would have been several months later. This is when I really connected the dots for her. This is when she finally started to understand that it’s not just about sex to me – it is, in fact, who I am and how I would choose to be if society didn’t force strict gender rules upon us.

She Finally Understood
Although very disappointed that she would be unable to engage in some amazing and wild sex with me fully dressed up, she really started to understand. She knew the terminology, what I desired, and how I felt. She fully understood my sexuality (100% straight). She understood that although sex-while-dressed is a mind-blowing experience for both of us… my crossdressing went well beyond just that aspect.

After waiting my entire life, I finally got to meet “Gabrielle” face to face, thanks to my loving wife and her open-minded understanding. I was finally out to my wife. She knew, she accepted, and she enjoyed seeing me completely dressed up in full makeup, nails painted, and looking mighty fine as Gabrielle Hermosa. That first time, she told me that she had never seen me smile so much in my entire life. It made her happy just to see me so happy.

Success
Dressing up was no longer limited to my wife’s requests and no longer limited to a sexual activity. The days of secretly dressing up when my wife was out of the house were finally over. I found a new freedom in my life and with it, a new sense of peace and happiness.

Since fully coming out, our marriage has only gotten better. It was very good before, but even better after. My wife is very much in love with the new t-girl in her life: Gabrielle. Now she enjoys the best of both worlds – her devoted, loving husband and her (also devoted) sexy, loving girlfriend.

My Wife’s Sexual Preference
Mrs. H. is not into genetic women in any romantic sense. I’ve tried to open her mind to that possibility only to get chewed out and told how much the idea turns her off. Not even mildly bi-curious on her part. She is fascinated with the idea of a man transforming himself in to the appearance of a beautiful woman though. This much, I’ve known for some time. She’s always been drawn to TV shows and films that feature some kind of crossdressing in them. As I was ashamed about my crossdressing for many years, she was also somewhat ashamed of (mainly just shy about) her desire to see a man dressed up like a woman. Neither one of us are ashamed any more though. We’re too busy being happy and enjoying each other… all three of us, if you will.

A Happy Ending
There you have it. A very successful coming out and happy ending. Honestly, it wasn’t a happy ending but rather a very happy new beginning. Our marriage ain’t perfect by any means, but like I said – it is a very happy one filled with lots of love, devotion, respect, support, understanding… and some amazing experiences that most married couples will never know. A marriage without (open) crossdressing seems so one-dimensional to me now.

Thank God the two of us found each other. It seems that so many crossdressers end up getting married to women who are anything BUT open-minded or accepting. Every woman is not going to enjoy being with a crossdressing husband, and that’s understandable. Different strokes for different folks. It seems like such a waste to me though: living with a woman who will never accept her husband for who he really is. I got lucky that my wife not only accepts my crossdressing, but also happens to enjoy it very much. Had things worked out differently, I’m certain my marriage would have failed. I got to the point where I needed to be me and couldn’t keep it inside anymore. If things did not work out well with my wife on the acceptance front, it would have marked the beginning of the end. As much as I love her, the need to be who I am is stronger than any force in my life. Thank you God, for sending this woman into my life!

The Future
Today, I’m out only to my wife… and therapist, but that doesn’t really count. I’m active the online crossdressing community, but I’m only known as my feminine side, Gabrielle, online. My wife knows, loves, and enjoys both Gabe and Gabrielle. Perhaps in time, I will just be out, period. Unfortunately, finding acceptance in society will not be as easy as finding it in my wife. Somehow I’ll make things work for me though. One day at a time. :)