I’ve just recently discovered your website and wish I would have earlier in my exploration of crossdressing. ;) I’m 18 now and have accepted who I am, been dressing up since I was young, 5 or 6. I’ve come to terms with a lot of stuff, and I’m no longer ashamed of who I am. I have a loving girlfriend for almost a year now who knows everything as well, she is very accepting and supportive =)

My problem deals with my sexual orientation, I know I’m attracted to girls, thus my girlfriend, but while dressed, I find I’m always craving guys, so for a while I just thought I was bisexual, until when I was 16 had my first relationship and sexual experience with a guy. Now he was a full time crossdresser, even during high school, I think that was the main attraction. I was so turned on being with him, and kissing him. Anything to do with touching or seeing his genitals didn’t turn me off, but didn’t turn me on. I love the feeling of anal sex (from a male), turns me on immensely.

So basically I’m kind of confused, I look at a normal guy and I’m not turned on, but I always find myself thinking about having sex with a male and strap-ons with my girlfriend just doesn’t feel the same. I know it’s a vague question as well, I’m still young and exploring and advice would be amazing :)

Angel

Being a teenager is tough, period. When social taboos and sexual orientation uncertainty comes into play, it can make life that much more confusing and stressful.

Social “norms” vs. reality
In terms of your sexual orientation, your confusion is probably the result of feeling out of sync with the “social norms” that have been etched into your brain since birth. Your feelings are in conflict with that which you have been taught is “normal” and/or “acceptable” within society, hence the uncertainty.

Sexual preferences
You’ve expressed being attracted to both men and women. The definition of “bisexuality” (taken from Wikipedia) is sexual behavior or an orientation involving physical or romantic attraction to both males and females.

In terms of being attracted to woman as a man (not crossdressed) and being attracted to and/or fantasizing about men when you’re dressed as a female (crossdressed) – I’ve read many accounts of this kind of sexual preference expressed by other crossdressers. Categorically, it still falls under bisexuality. Exactly “how it works”, applicable terminology and semantics are often discussed to great length in transgender communities and message forums. There is a rather complex array of attraction preferences that may be explored and debated. My assessment and opinion is based on the context expressed in your letter.

It certainly sounds to me like you’re bisexual. Maybe pause for a moment and ponder that reality for a bit. There are literally millions of bisexual people, a percentage of which are crossdressers, too. You’re not alone in how you feel about men and women, sexually. People like what they like. Being bisexual is nothing to worry about or stress over. It’s just a very common (even if not always popular) personal trait, shared by many people.

Regardless of how or when you prefer romance with a female or male companion, perhaps what is most important is simply being with someone you love, enjoy, and are compatible with, who feels the same about you. It sounds like your current girlfriend is a pretty awesome gal, based on the little you’ve written. I hope you appreciate her and let her know how much she means to you.

Sexual curiosity, fantasy and monogamy
Whether you are involved romantically with a man or a woman, many partners tend to prefer a monogamous relationship. If your girlfriend (or future lover, be it girl or boy) is expecting an exclusive/faithful relationship, then it really doesn’t matter if you prefer women sometimes, and men other times, because you’re already taken. Even for straight couples, the question of “I’m with this person, but I really like that person, too. What should I do…” often pops up. It doesn’t matter if you’re attracted to another woman or a man. Cheating is just that – cheating. Unless you’re in an open relationship (as in you both agree that seeing other people is acceptable), feel free to look around and fantasize, but you’d best remain physically and emotionally loyal to your girlfriend (or current partner).

It sounds like you’re pretty happy with your girlfriend, even though you have a craving for men at times. Straight, gay, or bi, very few people ever have the opportunity to experience every sexual fantasy they desire. I’ve fantasized about many, many women over the years – far too many to count or even remember. Being married, I still look at and admire other women (and always will), but my wife and I enjoy a monogamous marriage. Point is, everyone fantasizes. You just happen to fantasize about women and men, but again, that is just how it works with bisexual people, trans or not.

Fear of the unknown
If you find yourself wondering “Where is this all leading?”, be it your sexual preference, gender identity, or anything related – try not to worry about it. Perhaps easier said than done, but it’s good advice, nonetheless. Remove sexuality and gender from the equation, and understand that most people still wonder where things are going in their lives. There are a zillion things we all sometimes feel very uncertain about. That’s not unique to trans folk, bisexuals, or any other segment of the population. It is common for people to make a bigger deal out of things when gender identity and sexual preference come into play, but that’s mainly due to those things being (generally considered) outside social “norms”.

Plan for the future, but live in today
Here you are today – not necessarily a physical location, but rather simply your place in life as it stands at this point in time. Did you have a good day? Was there something (hopefully many things) that made you smile? Did you make anyone else smile? Who knows what the future holds for any of us: trans, straight, gay, bi, or anything else. Life is a journey – one that is very unique for each of us. Try to enjoy each little pit stop along your journey and don’t stress over where your path leads. Enjoy the happy moments that each day holds. We all have bad days and hard times, but try to concentrate on the good times. Don’t loose any sleep over social “norms” or exactly what category [whatever] happens fall in to. Just be yourself and be a good person. You may experience changes in how you feel about or view things over time. That’s a part of the growth and evolution process we all experience, regardless of orientation or gender.

Teen life is a strange, strange place to be, so try not to let thoughts of being “outside the norm” get the best of you. In a few more years, you’ll realize that you are, in fact, very normal… or that no one is truly normal… or probably both.

Good luck!
Relax and make the best of things as they are. There’s nothing wrong with you. Seriously! Not based on anything you’ve written. Take things one day at a time and enjoy being young.

 
Related content:

• Dear Gabi Advice Column
• Write to Gabrielle: Dear Gabi submission page
• Crossdressing Myths & Misconceptions

How best to handle it with my wife is my biggest concern. In the past I had felt that crossdressing was wrong and therefore had purged my collection several times. Now for me personally, I am comfortable with it. I had been trying to decide how to talk with my wife about it when she discovered.

Since then she has expressed the viewpoint/belief that (A) per the Bible and society crossdressing is bad and wrong. Absolutely no wavering on this so far. (B) She also believes that it is something that if you try hard enough you can stop doing it.. She has also stated from watching Jerry Springer show that all crossdressers will become gay at first and then that leads to all getting a sex change operation. For the most part she presents to me as these being absolutes.

She has also remarked that now all she can think of me as is Georgette whether it is just kissing or anything else. She also feels that if she would of given me sex more often then I would not want to cross dress. I have/had a web blog where I was journaling/logging my experiences. She wants me to get rid of that to. Currently I am doing that.

In addition to all this, I feel like she wants me to make all these changes and stop dressing and because she says it is wrong.

Yet at the same she does not what to consider or accept any offers for compromise.

Thank you,

Georgette

 

I am sorry to have misinterpreted your request for advice in the previous letter. An unaccepting wife, unwilling to compromise, is a tough pill to swallow. It will be a long-term investment, but there are options to consider in working things out.

The arguments your wife makes against crossdressing are almost text-book for many in this situation. Some wives have also thrown in a rather unpleasant ultimatum: either stop crossdressing or the marriage is over (sometimes accompanied by a threat of public humiliation and/or financial ruin). I’ve read countless accounts very similar to yours. Some of them have ended badly and others have managed to work things out. In some cases, the marriage has even grown stronger as the wife learns more about the realities of crossdressing (vs. the misconceptions) and gets the chance to fully know her husband.

Basic psychology behind this reaction to crossdressing
The way in which a wife reacts to the realization that her husband is a crossdresser varies greatly. Some women feel very threatened by the prospect of their husband exhibiting a feminine side. The less that is known about crossdressing realities, the greater potential threat perceived. Many women simply prefer a man to be all-masculine, all the time.

Based on the information in your letter, your wife probably falls into the category of women who want their man to be all-masculine, all the time. It’s a matter of personal preference, and everyone is entitled to their own. Her reaction to your crossdressing is an expression of fear over “loosing the man she fell in love with” and what others might think if they found out. The idea of you being feminine may also be damaging to your sex appeal in her eyes.

Before we get into the specifics of your wife’s arguments; very common misconceptions and concerns that are brought up by many unaccepting wives, it is important to keep in mind that she is probably filled with fears and uncertainty over this issue. Even if she may not be doing the same for you right now, try to be patient and understanding as she works through her own set of complicated emotions.

Addressing her concerns

Crossdressing and society
Today’s society is, on the whole, pretty uncomfortable with the idea of crossdressing, and consequently, not very accepting of it. Even so, simply being uncomfortable with something does not make it “wrong” or “bad”. Society has been uncomfortable with all kinds of things in past years – things that are perfectly acceptable and regarded as normal today. Several times, I’ve brought up how mainstream society in the 1950′s (made up of mostly whites) was not very accepting of blacks. It was just “common knowledge” that blacks were inferior to whites, lacked intelligence, and often regarded as a menace to society. As ridiculous as that sounds today, mainstream society was very comfortable with that notion decades ago. Did the fact that this was a widely accepted popular belief ever make it true?

What the Bible says about crossdressing
One of many misconceptions about crossdressing is that the Bible says it is sinful and wrong. This is not true, but there is a passage in the Bible that may be interpreted as such, depending on the translation.

It states in Deuteronomy 22:5, “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.” (quoted from the “English Standard Version” translation, see link) Taken in a literal sense, it seems pretty damning to crossdressing men… and all women. The intended meaning behind the words is debatable, and there is much debate about it. Perhaps taking a look at another Bible verse might help put things in perspective:

Leviticus 19:27, “You shall not round off the hair on your temples or mar the edges of your beard.” 19:28 “You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves.” Apparently barbers, hairdressers, and tattoo studios have been damning us all for quite some time now. Oddly, not many people have a problem with other aspects of one’s appearance that seem to be in conflict with the teachings in the Bible.

Giving up crossdressing is not necessary
I covered this to some extent in Crossdressing Myth #5 (though not specifically in this context). It may be unpopular to the masses, but that does not make it immoral, sinful or wrong. There is no need to give up something based on societal popularity – especially at the cost one’s own personal happiness and contentment in life.

The Jerry Springer Show
There is very little, if any, real educational value to The Jerry Springer Show. The show is not designed to educate, but rather to entertain. Whether or not it is actually entertaining is up to the viewer to decide. It should be known that Jerry Springer himself has gone on record stating: “I would never watch my show. I’m not interested in it. It’s not aimed towards me. This is just a silly show.” (source: BBC News) Using The Jerry Springer Show as a serious source of information for anything is usually a sign of desperacy on behalf of the person citing it as reference.

Crossdressing, sexual orientation, and SRS
This is covered in Crossdressing Myth #1 and Crossdressing Myth #2. In short, straight people do not “turn” gay, nor do gay people turn straight, regardless of crossdressing. Crossdressers generally tend not to be good candidates for sex reassignment surgery, either.

An active sex life does not prevent crossdressing
The most active sex life in the world will not prevent or “cure” crossdressing. Lack of a sex life is not the cause of crossdressing, either. Whether crossdressing is an act of feminine self-expression, a sexual fetish, or somewhere in-between (as it varies from one to the next), it is a personal trait on the genetic level (like being left or right-handed) and not the result of outside stimulus, or lack there of. Outside stimulus will influence one’s crossdressing style/preference, but not the existence there of within an individual.

Working things out

What is at stake
All marriages have their ups and downs. A marriage can fail for any number of reasons. I think it’s safe to say that the vast majority of divorce cases do not involve crossdressing among reasons listed. The main reasons for failed marriages are lack of communication, and irreconcilable differences (such as serious incompatibility issues). If either party ends up sacrificing their own personal happiness in order to maintain “peace” in the marriage, it usually leads to pent up anger and resentment that will manifest itself in various negative ways. It may not necessarily end the marriage, but it certainly does not make for a very happy one. You and your wife will need to come to an agreement that is acceptable to both, and that is feasible over the long-term.

Patience and understanding
You may feel like the one under attack, but it’s important to not loose sight of your wife’s feelings during all of this. Be patient and understanding of your wife’s fears and worries. Try to avoid the topic of crossdressing for a while if it is upsetting to her. Divert her attention to things that bring both of you joy together. The understanding and patience you show to your wife now may be returned from her to you in time.

Bothered by the thought of a feminine husband
Some women have a need for their male romantic interest to be only masculine, period. Whether this preference is at the very root of their personal being or the result of living in a society that teaches teaches and rewards such thinking, they do not want to think about their man in any way other than completely masculine. The same can be said for most men only wanting to see their female love interest in a feminine light, only. To each, his/her own.

After debunking the initial arguments your wife has presented against crossdressing, she may just find new ones to complain about. If her intent is to simply “make it go away, period”, she will continue to discourage your crossdresing in other ways until she succeeds in driving it away… or driving you away in the process.

Assert yourself
You have the right to be yourself. There is nothing wrong with who you are, at least not because of crossdressing. If it bothers her too much to think about you in a feminine light, consider keeping this aspect of your life to yourself.

It is always more rewarding when this can be shared and enjoyed between two people, but its not for everyone and not much can be done about that. There are plenty of happily married couples in which the wife is aware of, but not an active participant in her husband’s crossdressing. Every couple has their separate interests in addition to the common/shared. Not everything need be shared together actively – especially the things that are undesirable to the other. For instance, many women do not share in their husband’s love of sports and do not take part in the frequent gatherings centered around them. Being a hard core sports enthusiast is a different animal than crossdressing, but the relevant point is an example of an activity that is often not shared between husband and wife.

Sorting out and sharing thoughts publicly
If keeping an online journal is helpful and/or therapeutic to you, then you shouldn’t give it up. Your wife might be concerned about your identity being discovered as a result of your journal. Take proper measures to minimize that possibility if that is the case. Involve her in the process of ensuring anonymity so that she feels more comfortable with it.

Her main issue might not be the prospect of you being discovered, but rather that she simply does not want you exploring this aspect of your life, period. Try to identify the root of her concerns and work on them accordingly.

Compromise, communication, and feelings
Reaching a compromise that you can both be happy with in the long run is what needs to be focused on. Keep in mind that your wife is going to be working though her own fears and insecurities during this process and may not be ready for productive conversation in light of that. When there is too much disagreement and argument in a discussion, then it is time to defer for another time. Nothing positive will result from a shouting match.

Marriage/couples counseling
Consider seeking professional help from a trained, licensed marriage counselor. Working on things together under the supervision of a trained professional has helped many couples better understand each other and improve the quality of their marriage. Be sure to do your homework before deciding on a therapist. Just because someone has a title and license does not mean they’re any good at what they do. Make sure that your therapist has experience in transgender issues, and look into their track record.

Good luck
There is no magic solution to this dilemma. I hope that the two of you can work things out together and come to an understanding that is acceptable to both. At the very least, I hope that the two of you can the find happiness that you each deserve, even if it is not with each other.

Offer your input to help a struggling marriage
I would ask those of you who have been where Georgette is now to please offer your input. If you were able to work things out, what seemed to help the most? Even if things didn’t work out, can you share any insight or important lessons learned? Perhaps you’re the wife of a crossdresser who has experienced similar concerns. What advice can you offer Georgette (or anyone in her situation) that you wish someone could have offered you?

 
Related content:

• Dear Gabi Advice Column
• Write to Gabrielle: Dear Gabi submission page
• How to Tell Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser
• Crossdressing Myths & Misconceptions

There seems to be no shortage of people who think crossdressing is nothing more than a sexual fetish. The origins of this myth however, are rooted in reality, at least to some extent. Sadly it’s been blown way out of proportion by people who don’t understand what they’re talking about, and little has been done to fill in the blanks of reality. Please allow me to clarify things for you.

Myth: Crossdressing is just a sexual fetish because crossdressing men are aroused by dressing up and do so for sexual pleasure. Fact: Although crossdressing is a sexual fetish for some, the vast majority of crossdressers do not experience any arousal as a result of crossdressing, nor is it a factor in their desire to do so.

Because this crossdressing myth is of a sexual nature, it is necessary to discuss some aspects of sex and masturbation. Although I will do so tactfully and on an informative level only, if this kind of subject matter is offensive to you, it may be advisable to discontinue reading… and you should probably never consider a career in the medical field. ;) If it is the truth you seek however, read on. Sex and masturbation are simple facts of life, just like eating, sleeping, and exercising. It is society that chooses (and teaches us) to make some topics taboo and others acceptable discussion material.

To properly address this myth, I think it is important to address some realities that many crossdressers prefer not to discuss openly. To be completely honest, very few people discuss it openly, whether they crossdress or not.

Masturbation
Masturbation is a very normal part of life, yet still very much a social taboo. The taboo element of masturbation is routed mainly in the generally universal religious belief that lust is a bad thing. Because masturbation can be considered the gratification of that lust, masturbation is therefore seen as wrong, sinful, evil, and just plain bad.

Crossdressing before puberty
According to a 1997 study of 1,023 crossdressers between the age of 20 and 80, two thirds began crossdressing before the age of 10 (source). For me, it was around age 3 or 4. In other words, it usually begins before puberty and any real understanding of sexual gratification. This one bit of information alone heavily supports the fact that crossdressing is not a sexual fetish for the majority of crossdressers.

The crossdressing masturbation phase
Around the onset of puberty, practically all boys, whether they crossdress or not, will masturbate. For most crossdressers, it is at this time in their life that the act of dressing in women’s clothes becomes very arousing. Masturbating while crossdressed is very common from the time puberty begins and will usually continue for a number of years. The span in which this persists varies from one person to the next.

Crossdressing evolution
After a time, the act of crossdressing becomes less arousing to most crossdressers. The desire to masturbate while crossdressed subsides and is replaced by a feeling of wholeness and calmness. The act of crossdressing becomes very relaxing rather than sexually stimulating.

In some crossdressers, the masturbation phase never really ends. Crossdressing remains linked to sexual arousal and the act of crossdressing is typically accompanied by masturbation or sex with a partner. These are, in fact, fetish crossdressers. There are many complexities and variations to this so please forgive my simplification for purposes of discussing the fetish myth.

It is important to remember that even though crossdressing is a fetish for some, it does not (in and of itself) make them perverts or otherwise bad people. Having a sexual fetish of some kind (and there are many) is very common. Most people who indulge in a sexual fetish are very normal, productive members of society.

Although uncertain of the statistical numbers on this, my experience in online crossdressing communities indicates that the majority of crossdressers and t-girls no longer experience sexual arousal as a result of crossdressing.

That beautiful t-girl in the mirror
Long after the masturbation phase has ended, it is still possible for a crossdresser to be attracted to their own feminine image. Heterosexual men, which make up the majority of crossdressers, are attracted to feminine beauty. Seeing a beautiful woman can be very sexually arousing. That does not change when the “beautiful woman” is one’s own reflection in the mirror.

It might seem crazy, but it’s perfectly logical
To many non-crossdressers, the idea of one being sexually attracted to oneself may seem crazy, if not laughable. This belief is mainly a byproduct of society’s level of sexual repression, social taboos, and general lack of knowledge. It’s not some weird mental illness or perversion, just a misunderstood fact of life.

Many genetic women are also attracted to feminine beauty
If the idea of a crossdressing man being attracted to his own feminine image in the mirror seems crazy, how about a straight, non-crossdressing woman being attracted to her own feminine image in the mirror? Crazy or not, it exists. I am uncertain as to what extent, but believe that the majority of ultra feminine/girly women are, at least sometimes, attracted to their own feminine beauty.

I documented my own wife’s attraction to herself in the mirror in this article. If you take some time to read it, you will learn that this is not unique to just her.

It doesn’t make it a fetish
Because many crossdressers can and will sometimes be attracted to their own feminine image in the mirror, masturbation and sex are usually never completely removed from the equation. Unlike the masturbation phase in which the act of crossdressing itself is sexually arousing, this kind of sexual arousal is triggered by the sight/presence of feminine beauty – a natural response in heterosexual men, and sometimes women as well.

An interesting double standard
If you took the time to read the linked article above, you know that my wife will sometimes masturbate while fully dressed in women’s clothing. Does this mean my wife has a fetish about dressing up as a woman? If that were true, she’d be in an almost constant state of arousal, and yet that is not the case.

Most crossdressers have a very strong feminine side. It is why we crossdress in the first place – to express and explore our feminine side. If it is not a fetish for a woman to wear woman’s clothing, why then would it be for a crossdressing man when all other elements (aside from the obvious) are equal? The answer is, it is not a fetish. Unless a man is aroused by the act of wearing women’s clothing or only crossdresses for sexual purposes, it’s not a fetish for him.

Cowardly haters
People who equate crossdressing with a sexual fetish so long as there are any elements (at all) of sexual gratification (ever) involved in crossdressing, are usually just doing so in an effort to perpetuate the idea of crossdressing as a disgraceful activity.

Because sex and masturbation are still fairly taboo (more so the latter) in mainstream society, anything related to them is often frowned upon by the masses. In addition, when mainstream society (or elements there of) are uncomfortable with something, usually only the “negative” or taboo elements are brought up in order to persuade others into believing the same.

Sexual gratification is usually not the motivation…
When most crossdressers masturbate or have sex while wearing women’s clothes, it is usually not the reason they crossdress. Many things in life are simply more enjoyable while crossdressed. This includes, but is certainly not limited to, sexual activities.

…but sometimes it is
On occasion, a genetic woman will get dressed up in her most attractive attire and do her makeup just right in order to incite sexual attraction from a man. Most people consider this pretty normal. It’s usually a big part of the dating ritual for women, although I’m happy to say my wife still makes a good effort in her appearance (from dress to makeup) to attract sexual attention from me at times. I can also attract sexual attention from my wife by doing the same. What kind of fool would not take advantage of something that can almost guarantee an amazing sexual experience?

I crossdress because it is simply a part of who I am. It is enjoyable on many fronts, including sexual activities. Being alive is enjoyable on many fronts, including sexual activities. Even so, I’ve never heard someone equate life itself with a sexual fetish.

Why would one fetish seem so crazy when compared to the others?
Even though crossdressing is not a sexual fetish for most crossdressers, it is a fetish some. Is that really a problem? There is a fetish for just about everything from toe-sucking to scat. If you’re unfamiliar of the latter term, look it up and then tell me if you think fetish crossdressers are really so bad. If you said “yes”, I’ll think you’re full of crap… literally. But who am I to judge anyone for their fetish? Does it matter terribly what people do, so long as they do not harm others while doing so?

In conclusion
Fetish crossdressers crossdress with sexual activity in mind and as their motivation. For the majority of crossdressers, sexual activity is not the motivation for crossdressing. It is simply the exploration of feminine self expression.

Crossdressing, sex, and masturbation are somewhat intertwined, but only because LIFE, sex and masturbation are equally intertwined.

 
Related content: Crossdressing Myths

 

The photo you see above is of my wife, the fabulous Mrs. H. If you’re new to this site, she’s a genetic woman, not a crossdresser (like me). Although she agreed to pose for the photograph, it is not uncommon to find her admiring the beauty she sees in her own reflection in the mirror. This is especially true when she’s wearing something sexy.

What does this have to do with anything? When it comes to the misconceptions about crossdressers by mainstream society, a lot, really. Please note that sex and masturbation will be brought up in this article to some extent – not in a gratuitous way, but rather informational and as a matter of fact. You may want to stop reading now if informational sexual content is offensive to you. In saying that, I can’t help but wonder if people also skipped out on sex education in school because that also dealt with matters of sex and (gasp) masturbation.

I would like to first mention that my wife has given her permission to publish the intimate content within this article and is fully aware of what it encompasses. She understands my intentions and agrees with the message I would like to convey.

She likes to dress sexy
Mrs. H. is an attractive woman. Short miniskirts and revealing tops are often the norm when leaving the house. This was more the case years ago than now, but dressing sexy was, and to some extent still is, her preferred choice in personal appearance. Her revealing attire is not intended to attract the attention of horny guys, even though that is often the result. She’s a cute little thing, but also tough as nails. Guys who misinterpret her sexy appearance as an invitation to hit on her are always greeted with a cold, abrasive earful from my outspoken wife. She can really handle herself and then some, trust me. The point is that Mrs. H. likes to dress sexy because she enjoys looking good, period.

Society has a problem with sex
Expression of sex and sexuality is oddly frowned upon in today’s society. Of western cultures, America is probably the most sexually repressed. It’s not quite as bad as it was 40 years ago, but this is still a highly sexually repressed society. Case in point: (in America) it’s acceptable to show someone literally getting their head blown off by a shotgun in movies and video games, but it’s not acceptable to show the act of sex, or even a woman’s frontal, naked body. So graphic violence is acceptable, but the most natural thing to all mammalian life forms on this planet, sex, is not. I could write volumes about this alone, but it’s not the main point of this article. It is however, an important point in the dots I’d like to connect – a point that extends well beyond this one write-up.

Aroused by her own reflection
Sometimes when looking at herself in the mirror, my wife can be very playful in how she poses, admires her body, and even touches herself. Although she’ll do this in the nude, more frequently it is when she’s dressed sexy. There are times when she’ll get all dressed up sexy simply to enjoy looking at her reflection. The experience is often very arousing (to her) and can lead to other things.

She masturbates fully clothed
My wife and I enjoy an active and healthy sex life. Even so, both of us still masturbate from time to time. With some exceptions, most humans do, regardless of how often they have sex. Perhaps the most interesting thing about how my wife prefers to masturbate is that she’ll usually do so when fully dressed in sexy clothes. The process begins when she gets all dressed up (including hair and makeup) and seductively poses in front of the mirror. I’m not going to get into all of the details, but the act of masturbation itself is usually done without removing any items of clothing.

Women are attracted to feminine beauty
Admiration and attraction to her own sexy form in the mirror is not unique to my wife. I’ve observed this behavior in other women, although to a lesser extent. Previous girlfriends exhibited similar conduct, admiring their own beauty and playfully posing in front of a mirror, before going out on a formal date. When accompanying my wife to clothing stores, I sometimes observe other women admiring themselves in mirrors near the fitting rooms, in ways that (seem to) go beyond simply identifying if something fits well. In personal conversation, a few other men I know have reported similar behavior in their wives – the specifics vary, but the self-arousal theme is present. It is pretty clear that my wife is not the only one essentially turned on by her own sexy reflection in the mirror from time to time. Although it may be uncommon, I highly doubt she is the only woman who masturbates fully clothed, either.

Sexual repression and behavior
Around the house, Mrs. H. is pretty uninhibited when it comes to her own body. Because of society’s general level of sexual repression, some women will probably never consider the idea of admiring themselves in the mirror on a sexual level. They may feel it is silly, abnormal, sinful, or otherwise somehow wrong. The percentage of women who (sexually) admire themselves in the privacy of their own homes vs. those who do not is something I can only guess at, in addition to the numerous factors that come into play with each.

The point
When my wife dresses sexy, she does so simply because she likes the way she looks and feels good about her appearance. The fact that she can become aroused by her own reflection and sometimes masturbate while dressed sexy does not mean she dresses sexy as some kind of “weird sexual fetish”. A number of women are in fact attracted to their own image. The fact that is it not often discussed does not make it abnormal or unnatural. It’s just a sign of our sexually repressed society.

Where does crossdressing come into play?
If you’re a crossdresser, you probably understand why I’d bring this up. If not, it may seem like a bit of an odd topic. My hope is that this article makes an interesting read when it comes to the sexual repression of our society (mainly American) and a form of autoerotic stimulus that is rarely discussed. It is also necessary to have this write-up available for reference before publishing the yet to be completed Crossdressing Myth #7 (which I will link to from here after its publication).

One of the questions I’m often asked by other crossdressers is how did I come out to my wife. I enjoy a very happy marriage and my wife is an active participant in my crossdressing. She helped me learn how to apply makeup, shops for female clothing with me, and is supportive of my need to be myself.

So how did I do it? Why is it that the Fabulous Mrs. H. loves her crossdressing spouse, Gabrielle, when other crossdressers run into giant road blocks with their wives/girlfriends? I wish I could tell other crossdressers that it was how I came out to her, but the fact is how I came out had little to do with her acceptance of me.

Like many crossdressers, I got married without first telling my wife about this aspect of my life. At the time, I was very ashamed of it and feared she would reject me if she knew. The seeds of her acceptance however, were sewn long before we got married. Even so, I still greatly feared rejection from the woman I love more than anything.

In many ways, I guess you could say that I got very lucky when it comes to my wife. She’s a very open-minded woman and always has been. Unlike much of society, adhering to accepted social behaviors and standards has never been her way. Instead, she’s always just chosen to be who she is and live her life as she chooses. It really blew my mind as I got to know her better – just how open-minded she really was (and is). It was very refreshing and just what I needed in my life.

An Interesting Request
I clearly remember one particular request she made of me one day long ago. At the time, we had not been dating very long. The two of us were enjoying some time together at my place. With a playful smile, she asked if I would wear one of her miniskirts for her. She had extra clothes with her having spent the night. Being a crossdresser she didn’t need to twist my arm! Even so, I was very shy about this. At the time, I was still very ashamed about this aspect of my life… but what if she’s into this kind of thing? With an odd mix of reluctance and excitement, I put on her black, form-fitting miniskirt. That was all I wore on this day – no other women’s clothes at this time. Under the skirt, I wore men’s bikini underwear. She absolutely loved it and was smiling ear to ear. It was at this moment that I realized the potential to someday truly be myself around the woman I love… but that day would not come for many years.

Mixed Signals
Fast forward to our married years. On occasion, my wife asked me to dress up fully in women’s clothes (no makeup). It was kind of a kinky sex thing that she enjoyed. She’d pick out some of her clothes for me and I was always happy to wear them for her. This was not a frequent happening however, and she was always in control of when. Several times over the years I attempted to initiate some dress-up time with her, but she almost always shot it down, (unintentionally) making me feel very bad about myself in the process. She had no clue I was a crossdresser – she just thought I was a loving husband who was willing to do things with her that most men would not.

It seemed that only she could initiate feminine dress-up time and was turned off by my own requests to do so. Therefore I kept the truth about my crossdressing a carefully guarded secret for more than a decade (after getting married).

As the years went by, I secretly dressed up when alone in the house. Like most closeted crossdressers, I acquired many female clothing items over the years and kept a hidden stash. Keeping this big secret wore on me over time though. I needed to be me more than just when my wife was out of the house, or on the somewhat rare occasion she asked me to dress up for her.

Last year (2008), there was an increase in my wife’s requests for me to dress up. By this time, I also had some of my own female clothes donated to me by my wife, BUT also told that I was only to wear them around her and only when asked to.

The Game Plan
Here’s where the process of coming out of the closet began. Over the course of the year, I made it a point to initiate conversations about her kinky desires to see me in women’s clothes. A conscious effort was put forth to keep this in her mind as much as possible – get her talking about it, thinking about it, and offering new ideas on how to take this further and make it more enjoyable. It slowly worked. She began asking me to dress up more frequently and we were both having a great time with it. Little by little, more clothing items were added to my wife-donated women’s wardrobe. She even began purchasing items specifically for me to wear for her, rather than just giving me things from her own closet.

I kept at it – constantly jumping any opportunity to engage her in conversation about this subject, while carefully not going overboard with it. It wasn’t just about getting more dress-up time with my wife though. Each time, I made sure to fill in a little more of the puzzle for her. I carefully began to paint the picture of who I really am. Just little bits at a time though, carefully monitoring how she felt and where her mind was with things along each step of the way.

It was about half way through the year that I explained to her my desire to see myself fully dressed as a woman, complete with hair, makeup, nails, and the works. She liked the idea, but also displayed some uncertainty. I continued working on her and by August, the date was on the calendar. Because of a hectic and busy life (and needing to keep it a secret outside of us), being fully made up with nails, etc. is rather tricky. A small window of opportunity was present in December 2008 and we planned around it.

As the date drew nearer, I continued explaining more about myself with each dress-up session and in general conversations about it. It was working nicely. Slowly she was getting the picture about me. Slowly I was sharing myself with my wife… completely.

A Road Block
When the time came to be fully dressed up head to toe in full makeup, nails, etc., my wife got her period. She wasn’t feeling well and sex was pretty much out of the question. She wanted me to wait (to be made up fully in makeup) until another time… which would have been several months later. This is when I really connected the dots for her. This is when she finally started to understand that it’s not just about sex to me – it is, in fact, who I am and how I would choose to be if society didn’t force strict gender rules upon us.

She Finally Understood
Although very disappointed that she would be unable to engage in some amazing and wild sex with me fully dressed up, she really started to understand. She knew the terminology, what I desired, and how I felt. She fully understood my sexuality (100% straight). She understood that although sex-while-dressed is a mind-blowing experience for both of us… my crossdressing went well beyond just that aspect.

After waiting my entire life, I finally got to meet “Gabrielle” face to face, thanks to my loving wife and her open-minded understanding. I was finally out to my wife. She knew, she accepted, and she enjoyed seeing me completely dressed up in full makeup, nails painted, and looking mighty fine as Gabrielle Hermosa. That first time, she told me that she had never seen me smile so much in my entire life. It made her happy just to see me so happy.

Success
Dressing up was no longer limited to my wife’s requests and no longer limited to a sexual activity. The days of secretly dressing up when my wife was out of the house were finally over. I found a new freedom in my life and with it, a new sense of peace and happiness.

Since fully coming out, our marriage has only gotten better. It was very good before, but even better after. My wife is very much in love with the new t-girl in her life: Gabrielle. Now she enjoys the best of both worlds – her devoted, loving husband and her (also devoted) sexy, loving girlfriend.

My Wife’s Sexual Preference
Mrs. H. is not into genetic women in any romantic sense. I’ve tried to open her mind to that possibility only to get chewed out and told how much the idea turns her off. Not even mildly bi-curious on her part. She is fascinated with the idea of a man transforming himself in to the appearance of a beautiful woman though. This much, I’ve known for some time. She’s always been drawn to TV shows and films that feature some kind of crossdressing in them. As I was ashamed about my crossdressing for many years, she was also somewhat ashamed of (mainly just shy about) her desire to see a man dressed up like a woman. Neither one of us are ashamed any more though. We’re too busy being happy and enjoying each other… all three of us, if you will.

A Happy Ending
There you have it. A very successful coming out and happy ending. Honestly, it wasn’t a happy ending but rather a very happy new beginning. Our marriage ain’t perfect by any means, but like I said – it is a very happy one filled with lots of love, devotion, respect, support, understanding… and some amazing experiences that most married couples will never know. A marriage without (open) crossdressing seems so one-dimensional to me now.

Thank God the two of us found each other. It seems that so many crossdressers end up getting married to women who are anything BUT open-minded or accepting. Every woman is not going to enjoy being with a crossdressing husband, and that’s understandable. Different strokes for different folks. It seems like such a waste to me though: living with a woman who will never accept her husband for who he really is. I got lucky that my wife not only accepts my crossdressing, but also happens to enjoy it very much. Had things worked out differently, I’m certain my marriage would have failed. I got to the point where I needed to be me and couldn’t keep it inside anymore. If things did not work out well with my wife on the acceptance front, it would have marked the beginning of the end. As much as I love her, the need to be who I am is stronger than any force in my life. Thank you God, for sending this woman into my life!

The Future
Today, I’m out only to my wife… and therapist, but that doesn’t really count. I’m active the online crossdressing community, but I’m only known as my feminine side, Gabrielle, online. My wife knows, loves, and enjoys both Gabe and Gabrielle. Perhaps in time, I will just be out, period. Unfortunately, finding acceptance in society will not be as easy as finding it in my wife. Somehow I’ll make things work for me though. One day at a time. :)