It’s been a while since I’ve had an opportunity to get out in public as Gabrielle. My wife, the fabulous Mrs. H., recently took me shopping at one of the local malls. It marked the first time we ventured out in public together, while I was en femme (not including drives we’ve taken in which I did not exit the car).

My public outings have had mixed results in the past. To increase the potential for a more successful outing, I took some drastic measures this time, or at least drastic for me.

In order to draw less attention and increase my odds of blending in with the crowd, I did something rather undesirable. I wore pants. I hate pants. It may be crossdressing cliche, but I really do hate pants. Women have been wearing them for several decades, but I just don’t feel very feminine in pants, even women’s pants, or skin-tight jeans in this case. At least I looked good in them, according to my wife. I do admit, my legs still have a nice, feminine shape in jeans (thanks to my daily treks on the treadmill of doom), but it’s not my style and I wasn’t happy about it.

The activity was shopping, but this outing was mainly an experiment in blending in – something I’ve failed to do in past public outings. I like to dress nice. What I consider “dressing nice” and “looking good” falls under the category of dressing “sexy” in the eyes of many people. We’ll spare my gripe with how society tends to frown upon “sexy” these days, but that is my preferred style and how I feel best.

What I wore
My outfit consisted of tight bluejeans, black knee-high boots (flat, not high-heeled), a black turtleneck sweater, and an outer black button-down sweater (that fell just below my hips) over it. My only accessories were a gold crucifix necklace, and basic black purse. I toned my eye makeup down dramatically and was careful not to over-do it on my blush. Mrs. H. and I had similar looks going on, each wearing black tops, tight bluejeans, flat (non-heeled) black knee-high boots, and black purses.

I snapped a few quick photos on the way to the mall while my wife drove, one of which you see at the top of this post. You can see her long, black hair draped over her right shoulder at the right edge of the photo. Sorry about the lack of a bull-body photo of how I looked in what I refer to as “fem-drab”. I didn’t feel compelled to capture my image in this less than desirable style. Update: Scroll down and click on the thumbnail image at the end of this post to see how I looked in the pants I wore.

As much as it pained me to dress down, it did help in terms of not drawing attention. As I’ve stated before – I do not pass in person. Don’t let my pictures fool you. In two dimensional photos where I have more control over things such as lighting and the angle in which I’m viewed, it’s a lot easier to appear passable. In person, angle, depth perception, and less than ideal lighting conditions easily reveal my feminine shortcomings.

Just friends, not lovers
When in girl-mode, my wife prefers I behave like a friend, rather than romantic love interest. It’s understandable, as it should draw less attention in public that way. Even so, my arm kept finding its way around her shoulder somehow. Muscle memory, old habit, or subconscious need, it was quite difficult to keep from showing romantic affection for her while we were out. I never realized how automatic (and frequent) my spousal public shows of affection are, nor did I expect it to be so difficult to refrain.

Mrs. H. did a good job of helping me feel more comfortable out in public. She coached me on “feminine shopping behavior”, mannerisms, posture, and appropriate facial expressions. Yes, facial expression is an important point to her, and I agree. As a not so youthful genetic male, my face doesn’t look very feminine on its own – even when coated with gobs of makeup, carefully applied so as not to appear like “gobs of makeup”. I have to try to keep a “perky” look on my face, which includes a hint of smile, that does not appear to be a full-out smile. Walking around with a constant smile on my face would just be weird. It was tricky, but I did my best to pull it off.

One thing that was no different from any other shopping experience with my wife was that I ended up carrying all the clothing items picked out as we browsed. As a loving spouse, in guy-mode or en femme, I am always happy to do so.

Blending in… more or less
My attention was a bit divided. My wife kept trying to get me to behave and act “naturally” (which included browsing through clothes), but I couldn’t help but try to look at each and every face around me for signs of being “read”. Most people seemed to be completely unaware, which is exactly what I wanted. That was the point in dressing in “fem-drab”. So long as people don’t look directly at me, and there was little reason for them to, I would remain just another body in the crowd.

I did not go completely unnoticed, however. As my eyes scanned about, I did notice a handful of people who appeared to have read me. There were at least a few occasions in which people reacted directly to my presence.

Deer in the headlights
Shortly after entering the mall, in one of the main hallways, two teen boys (maybe early 20-somethings) walked in our direction while conversing with each other. Our eyes met briefly. A few yards away, their conversation stopped abruptly and I got a rather obvious look of surprise. Just after passing by them, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Their eyes open wide, almost popping out of their heads, and jaws hanging open in surprise, was rather humorous.

Nice boots
In the clothing store that we spent most of our time browsing (it had clothing styles we both enjoyed), I was approached twice. A young male sales associate came up to me and commented on how he liked my boots as he showed me his own boots… women’s boots. Footwear was his only “female” attire as far as I could tell. He read me, and we read him as well, though not as a transgender in his case. He was an effeminate, stylish, gay man. With only one or two exceptions, I’ve always clicked well socially with gay men and women. They’re pretty open-minded and cool, or at least those I’ve had the pleasure of knowing over the years.

I did not actually talk to the sales associate because Mrs. H. jumped in and began chatting with him, believing he was commenting on her boots and not mine. I stood by and smiled while they talked for a minute or two. There was some hesitancy on my part to chat with strangers on this day, which I’ll explain later. Even though I didn’t participate in the brief conversation, it was still a cool experience. He knew I was trans and was genuinely welcoming to me – perhaps more so because of it. How I wish that could be the case with everyone, or at least the majority.

Excuse me, ‘miss’…
After our shopping in this store was concluded, Mrs. H. and I quietly conversed with each other while waiting in the rather long, slow moving check out line that extended back some distance. After some time, another shopper approached me and asked me for some assistance. She was in her late 50′s, I’d guess.

“Could you tell me what the price on this is? I forgot my glasses and can’t read the tag.” “Seriously? That’s her approach?”, I thought to myself. I almost busted out laughing… again. It was a rather obvious attempt to get me to speak so she could confirm whether or not I was a “real” woman. The moment seemed like it was ripped right out of a Seinfeld episode. Smiling larger than life and trying not to laugh, I leaned over to look at the price tag. Just then, Mrs. H. intervened and “helped” the woman read the price tag. My wife’s intent was to “come to my rescue” and prevent a potentially uncomfortable moment. I love her so much for that. Had she not been there, I would have “played along” and probably gotten “probed” a bit further by this curious woman. Her polite, if obvious, approach to “reading” (or confirming) me was amusing and probably well intentioned but I knew it was best to not converse with people on this day. It might have been a great opportunity to engage in a potentially educational conversation, but I was filled with a mix of nervous energy and adrenaline and very much off my game.

An alarming reaction
Shopping bags in hand, Mrs. H. and I slowly made our way through the mall’s large hallways. As we walked and chatted, my eyes continued scanning about looking for signs of being read. Most people seemed not to notice, and that was very pleasing.

At one point, my eyes met the eyes of an oncoming man who was walking in our direction with his young daughter. He was about 5′ 6″ (noticeably shorter than I), very thin, and probably in his mid 30′s. I looked away to be polite. A moment later, I looked back to find him still starring directly at me with a rather odd look on his face. He pulled his young daughter close to him, pressing her against his body, as if to protect her from imminent danger, and quickly altered direction into the nearest store entrance. Our eyes remained locked for several seconds during his “escape”. The “odd look” on his face appeared to be that of fear, perhaps anger. I’ve gotten nasty looks from people before, but never the look of fear, if that was what he experienced.

I asked my wife if she caught his reaction, but she was looking in another direction. I explained what I saw – a worried man attempting to “protect” his young daughter from… well, me. Mrs. H. tried to convince me that I misinterpreted things because I was nervous. Well aware of my own nerves, I disagreed.

It took some time, but I think I figured out what really took place. The over-protective father probably did experience a genuine sense of fear. The fear was not of me however, but rather of his own daughter. More accurately, he likely feared having to explain what I am (as a transgender) to his daughter had she gotten a look at me.

I understand his discomfort in context with where much of society currently sits with things. Even so, his reaction was cowardly and unnecessary. Children look up to their parents for guidance. If they sense discomfort in their parents about something, they will in turn learn to become uncomfortable about it themselves. My own parents were very uncomfortable answering certain questions when I was a child. Consequently, I “learned” that these things were just “wrong” – even to simply inquire about. Looking back, there was nothing wrong with most of the things that made my parents uncomfortable. I’ve made it a point to remind and embarrass them about it in recent years, mainly in jest.

It is sad that certain realities, perfectly natural and quite harmless, are still taught to be immoral or flat-out “wrong” in the eyes of impressionable children. This is a topic best suited for another concentrated discussion… or many discussions, however.

An interesting learning experience
Our mall shopping concluded, Mrs. H. picked up a few tops and a dress. A single new miniskirt was in my bag – not exactly much of a wardrobe expansion, but finding things in my size (mainly tops), AND in styles/colors that I like, is no easy task. In addition, I was quite distracted with my “people watching”.

For the record, I quickly changed into my new miniskirt upon arriving home. I couldn’t get out of those pants fast enough. It felt so good to feel “normal” again. I am literally laughing as I share this, but it’s true. The skirt looked very nice on me, too. Again, my apologies for not having photos.

Although it was a good learning experience, I’m not pleased with many aspects of the outing – mainly how it felt (or how I felt during it). My attempt at blending in by dressing exactly how I do not like to dress did work to some extent. The cost of blending in was that I didn’t feel very feminine, even under all that makeup and completely in “women’s” clothing. I didn’t feel like myself. It almost felt like I was “playing dress-up” (“dress-down”, in this case) or wearing a costume. Have you ever felt really awkward or “not right” because you dislike what you’re wearing, regardless of gender expressed?

Feminine vocalization issues
According to Mrs. H., I was unable to produce my feminine voice properly, which she noted as we quietly talked to each other while shopping. That was, to some extent, why I was hesitant to engage in conversation with anyone. I practiced my feminine vocal exercises for about 10 minutes in the car on the way there. My wife got a big kick out of that, and even I am laughing as I reflect. Maybe the vocal exercises were not long enough, or perhaps I was simply not feeling enough like myself to properly feminize my voice. Many crossdressers do not try to hide their male voice, however as Gabrielle, I do not aim to be a “crossdresser”, but rather a trans-woman, if only part time. I’d rather not get into the “labels” and “terminology” debate right now, though. This write-up is already triple its intended target length.

Analysis, Mr. Spock
I’ve got a ways to go yet, in terms of blending, acting “naturally” and feeling comfortable out in the “wild”. A controlled environment, such as a planned gathering where I know people or have a specific purpose, is a lot easier for me right now. Life is a growth process and this part of my growth has been stunted for a long time. I’m playing catch-up, though it’s moving at a very slow pace – mainly due to lack of time and opportunity to get out and grow. My own feelings and emotions are under constant psychological self-analysis. This trip out gave me a lot of good data to sift through, odd as that may sound. It’s something we all do, although I sometimes speak about it in direct analytical terms.

What’s your story?
For those of you who are more advanced than I when it comes to public self-expression, what have you discovered in terms of successfully blending in? Those of you who have yet to venture out in public, what keeps you from doing so? Please take a moment to share experiences, thoughts and ideas.

Update:
Click the thumbnail to see how I look in pants. The outfit in this photo is different than when I went out shopping with my wife, but from the waste down, including the boots, that is what I wore. I’m not a fan of wearing pants, but I don’t look too bad in them. Honestly, I look a lot better in these kind of pants than a lot of genetic women half my age who squeeze into them… but of course, I have to exercise my fit little butt off to achieve it.

While browsing a local mall (en femme) and minding my own business, I noticed male employees of a T-Mobile kiosk up ahead staring me down with a rather unpleasant look on their faces. There was what appeared to be a customer being assisted at the time, but their focus was on me. From several meters away, I very clearly heard one of them say “There goes a faggot.” It was spoken louder than the rest of the conversation, indicative of his intent for me to hear it.

I would expect this kind of lowbrow behavior from immature kids and street thugs, but not from on-duty employees and representatives of any business, regardless if their own misguided personal views.

As mentioned in my previous account of browsing the mall en femme, I did not allow their bully tactics to ruin my day. They rattled me and gave me a good scare – good for them. I’m sure they’re very proud of themselves for their juvenile display of aggressive behavior toward a completely harmless person. Nothing has changed though. I’m still me, very happy to be who I am, and a little wiser for the experience.

What did you THINK would happen?
The “what did you think would happen going out dressed like that” question that some people may be pondering a load of bull. I didn’t “bring anything upon myself”. I’ve got every right to be out in public as any other law-abiding citizen. I’ve also got the right to personal self-expression so long as my self-expression is not unlawful. In turn, these guys are allowed their opinions, right or wrong. As on-the-clock representatives of T-Mobile however, derogatory comments and acts of intimidation toward the public reflect on the company as a whole.

I’m a human being
It’s sickening how some “people” (and I use that term loosely) are so comfortable going out of their way to make life difficult for others simply because they disapprove of their differences. I understand that many view people like me as “sub-human”. Well, that’s just too bad. I’m not sub-human, and will not tolerate being treated as such by representatives of any company. No one should just put up with such terrible treatment.

Silence is not an option
Staying silent about something like this would be irresponsible on my part. In my opinion, it’s irresponsible for ANYONE to simply put up with garbage like this. It took time and wasn’t easy, but I wrote a letter detailing the incident to the CEO of T-Mobile, Robert Dotson. I didn’t actually expect the company CEO to look into this matter personally, by the way. Not knowing who exactly to direct this to, I understood that his secretary would probably see to it that it ended up in the right hands.

I encourage you to read the letter. It explains the troubling encounter in detail. The link is to an image file or graphic representation of the letter. Some personal and geographical elements of the letter have been obscured for privacy reasons.

• Letter to Robert Dotson, CEO T-Mobile

Disappointing, but expected response
Eight days after mailing the letter (via postal service), I received an e-mail response. It was short, vague, and seemed intended for diplomacy purposes more than anything.

• T-Mobile’s response from Senior Human Resource Manager Stephen Fox

What can be expected to be done?
In all fairness to Mr. Fox and T-Mobile, matters of this nature are anything but simple. From their perspective, what’s to say that someone didn’t just make something up for whatever reason? Fact is: what I detailed in my letter is what took place, but I think you understand my point. One person’s word against another usually results in a stalemate – in other words, if nothing can be proven, nothing “officially” took place.

Bringing out the truth
I pondered whether or not to offer a suggestion in response to Mr. Fox’s e-mail, but didn’t think it would be taken seriously. Few companies would welcome advice on how to “do their job” from outsiders, and that is understandable. Even so, I felt compelled to offer it anyway.

• Follow-up e-mail response to Stephen Fox, Senior Human Resource Manager, T-Mobile

Since replying to his e-mail with my suggestion, I haven’t heard back from Mr. Fox, nor do I expect to. Most companies will not discuss or share information of this nature outside of authorized personnel for numerous valid reasons.

What now?
There is no way (for me) to check on the status of any investigation or even confirm that one has taken place. For all I know, my initial letter was only taken with minimal seriousness by people who might even share the same sentiments about transgendered people as their local sales representatives. Actions taken, if any, may be nothing more than a superficial show of good intent in effort to minimize any potential backlash.

I’d like to believe that my account has been taken seriously, that the investigation is very real, and regardless of their findings, that something is done to let it be known that publicly disparaging people (regardless of personal feelings) is absolutely unacceptable behavior for company representatives to engage in.

It could have been anyone
The behavior exhibited toward me by the T-Mobile sales employees is not unique. I’m well aware of how ignorant people in this town (and abroad) view people with differences like mine. It sometimes feels like the 1950′s and I’m a black person who just walked into a white neighborhood – given a hard time for no other reason than my personal appearance.

Regardless of what it could have been, it was what it was. Local representatives of T-Mobile made it clear that and displays of intimidation and openly referring to shoppers as “faggot” is acceptable behavior. If nothing is done about this, then they’re right, it is acceptable behavior.

Do you do business with T-Mobile?
I’m not a T-Mobile customer, but I wonder about their numbers. Statically, how much of T-Mobile’s business comes from transgendered people? Additionally, how many T-Mobile customers are gay? Though in the minority, the two groups together represent a significant portion of the human population. That’s a lot of consumer dollars up for grabs.

About the photo
The photo above is of the actual T-Mobile kiosk this took place. I went back the next day (in guy-mode), observed for a while, and took a picture. I do not imply that the employees seen in the photo either are or are not the same as those who behaved poorly toward me the previous day.

Stay silent, and nothing changes
Tired of being disrespected for no other reason aside from being yourself in public? Do you just accept the dangers involved in public shows of self-expression? You’d better speak your mind, friends. The bigots and haters have, and will continue to speak their minds and make life difficult for us if you do nothing.

Why don’t you start by speaking your mind here – share your thoughts in a comment.
 

Related content: crossdressing in public

After a productive outing to see my therapist as Gabrielle, I wasn’t quite ready to call it a day. I decided to take a stroll through a local mall. I’d driven to this mall a few times en femme, only to remain in the car out of fear of being harmed.

This is part of my personal growth process. I need to become more comfortable being Gabrielle in public and interacting with others as such. My primary objective for this mission (it’s more fun to think of it as a mission *grin*) was to make at least one purchase before leaving the mall. My secondary objective was to walk the entire mall before leaving, but it’s a rather large mall and I wasn’t sure about the feasibility of that in my high-heel boots.

Before my mall-trek was over, I received a rather unsettling reminder of the very real potential for danger in public crossdressing.

Enter the mall
I used the Macy’s entrance. There were several available close parking spots there, and that location was less likely to have groups of teens hanging out inside or near the exits. I walked slowly around Macy’s sales floor, trying to find my stride. It took a while for me to hit it – shoulders back, chest out, wiggle my hips (my wife always tells me to wiggle my hips more). Eventually I got it down… more or less. I’m growing and learning… mainly learning to walk like a woman at this point. It’s very different in large, open areas than it is in the confines of my home.

From Macy’s, I entered the mall’s main hallway. There were more people than I was expecting at that time of day (not that you can tell from the misleading photo), but it wasn’t crowded by any means. My focus remained on trying to walk with proper feminine movement.

Trouble dead ahead
Continuing down the mall’s main corridor, I entered the “dead” part of the mall. There are several vacant stores in this area, and usually fewer customers browsing. One of many kiosks was directly ahead. From several meters away, I noticed the 20-something looking men working behind the counter staring me down. The look on their faces was that of anger, disgust, and dare I say – hatred. Still several meters away, I clearly heard one of the employees make a rather derogatory comment about me to the other guys, one of which appeared to be a male customer. It was spoken loud enough for me to hear it from meters away – indicative of the intent to send me a clear message.

The encounter was chilling. Never before had I actually been looked at with such an obvious display of disgust and hatred. I feared these guys may attempt to harm me as there were very few other eyes in the immediate area and I was an easy target dressed as I was.

In an upcoming post, I’ll share what business these guys work for and what was said. I wrote a letter to the CEO and explained how representatives of his company chose to send me a very clear message of intimidation, and so openly in public. You’ll probably want to check back for this one. Chances are, many of you regularly do business with this company.

Catastrophe averted, moving forward
Once sufficient distance was between myself and the bullies, I tried to ease up and work back into a more natural stride. Determined not to let these small-minded thugs scare me away from my right to be out in public, I tried to concentrate on my personal growth again.

The large display windows of the stores offered a good way to observe how I walked in their reflection. They also allowed me to keep an eye on my back side, should anyone decide to approach with bad intentions.

Mission objective – engage
I made my way to a store called Hot Topic. For those unfamiliar with the chain, it’s known for its generally gothic and alternative styles. It is frequented by people with generally non-mainstream appearances and run by easy-going, open-minded people.

Two young women who appeared to be in their 20′s were on duty. They greeted me as I entered and I smiled and said hi back. Running low on black nail polish (my personal favorite) I looked around for some. I asked one of the women if they had any, and she pointed out that they had a single unit left. I spoke to her about how easily my black nail polish chipped off and she said she has the same problem. After offering me some helpful advice on application methods (what works best for her), I purchased the black nail polish and was on my way.

Mission objective accomplished
The experience was a pleasant one and my first purchase as Gabrielle went without a hitch. Although I felt awkward the whole time, the store employees were cool to me and treated me with respect. They both read me immediately as I entered – their eyes widened momentarily in surprise. It is a telling look I’m getting used to seeing on people, and an understandable reaction – especially in an area where it is very uncommon to see (noticeably) transgendered people in public. I think it’s important to point out that the women were aware that I’m a t-girl (emphasis on the “t”), did not laugh or act uncomfortable around me, and treated me very well.

Continuing mall exploration
As I walked down toward the other end of the mall (opposite where I encountered the haters), I noticed an increase in teenagers hanging out in groups. School had just let out and this is a popular place for teens to meet up. It made me a little more nervous, but I decided to keep moving forward (away from my entrance point).

Checked out or scoffed at?
I approached a small kiosk with a young male employee working there. He was carrying on a conversation with what appeared to be a buddy. I got nervous approaching, thinking back to the “tough-guys” who gave me trouble earlier. One of the men said something odd as I walked by, but I couldn’t tell what. It may have been just a sound or something – perhaps he was checking me out and made some kind of sound to indicate that? It’s unknown if the sound was made in sarcasm or in approval… or if it was even intended for me. Without looking back to find out, I kept walking.

Obnoxious sales attendants
The next kiosk was larger and occupied by two male employees who appeared in their early 20′s. Both were well dressed and slightly more approachable looking than the jerks who gave me trouble earlier, though I did not want to interact with them. Unfortunately, they wanted to interact with me. One of them called out to me, “Excuse me, miss, what kind of phone do you have?” I was wearing my phone’s hands-free ear piece, it was visible, and this was a cell phone retailer and service provider kiosk. Attempting to ignore him, I kept walking. A few steps farther, now with my back to them, he called out again, “Excuse me miss, can you tell me what kind of phone you use?”. He was talking louder at this point as I was continuing to walk away and distance myself. “Miss, we’d like to talk to you.”. Now several meters away, I turned my head back over my shoulder toward them, smiled and politely waved so as not to appear rude. The young man called out one more time, “Miss, could you come back here, please?” These guys made me very uncomfortable. Maybe they didn’t read me. Maybe they simply saw what appeared to be an attractive woman and just wanted to talk (and sell me a cell phone)? If they happened to get a good look at my face, chances are they read me easily (like the others) and may have been trying to have some fun at my expense. I didn’t know for certain, but didn’t want to chance it. In order to get back to where my car was parked, I’d have to walk past them again in the other direction, which I did not want to do. Instead, I headed for the nearest exit to walk outside and get to my car that way.

Fumble
Turning the corner to the nearby exit, a tall young man made eye contact with me and politely said “How you doing?”, as he walked by. I nodded my head to acknowledge his greeting… like I always do… as a MAN! Doh! Men nod their heads, a lady would have smiled and said hi back! A random and genuinely nice guy says hi to me and I screwed it up, probably giving myself away in the process. Yes, I’ve got a long way to go on the public front.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another
I exited the mall and was walking down the sidewalk, taking the long way back to my car. Straight ahead, teenagers were gathered. They do that after school – gather around some of the mall entrances and just hang out. The wind started wiping up and my long hair was blowing up and back, revealing additional signs of my genetic gender. As far as I could tell, none of the teens said anything to me or about me as I passed by. With the wind not letting up, I entered the next entrance and hoped it would be far enough down so I would not need to pass by the obnoxious cell-phone salesmen again. This store’s entrance into the main hallway of the mall was just a few meters past that location. Those guys would be able to easily see me as I walked back into the main hallway.

Had enough for one day
Walking at a faster pace than normal, I entered the main hallway, hoped for the best, and headed back to my entrance location in Macy’s. I was done with the mall for the day, although I did relish that final stroll through Macy’s at a nice, slow pace before exiting. Somehow I blend in better there and feel more at ease. Perhaps it is because of the slightly more up-scale (or at least better behaved) people generally found there.

Most people ignored me, or simply saw nothing out of the ordinary in my appearance. I was read a handful of times. The tough-guys working at the one kiosk, who made it very clear I was not welcome, reminded me of the very real dangers in simply going out into public en femme.

A long way to go
It was a bumpy ride at times, and almost disastrous, but another good learning experience. I accomplished another first as Gabrielle: my first purchase en femme. A small step perhaps, but progress nonetheless. This trek through the mall revealed that I am clearly not yet capable of effectively interacting with people randomly out in the wild. It is a skill that I’ll really need to work on as Gabrielle.

In regard to the sales employees who tried to intimidate me with their derogatory comment and dirty looks, I’ll share that account in full soon…

Update: Here’s the link to the story.

Related content: crossdressing in public

Yesterday my latest package of mail-order clothing arrived. After arriving home from a long day at work, I quickly got out of my man-clothes and tried everything on. One garment at a time, my disappointment grew as I discovered nothing fit me. My lovely wife, on the other hand, ended up with a new elegant yet sexy little black dress and attractive bell sleeve top. She looks mighty fine in them, too, I must say. Finding female clothing items in my style and in my size often seems like a cruel exercise in futility.

Of the four items ordered, two have ended up in my wife’s already bursting closet, and two were shipped back to the online retailer. As for me, the one who desperately needs flattering tops that fit well and hide my not so feminine shoulders and arms – I get to pay more shipping fees and end up with nothing for my troubles.

It’s always a gamble buying clothes online… or at least it has been for me. I have yet to order a single item of clothing that actually fits. My upper-body is the problem area. Tops never seem to fit my broad shoulders and they’re always too short… or end up being too big all around, depending on size ordered.

I’m pretty choosy when it comes to clothing style. There are only a few general styles that I really enjoy – both on myself and to see other women wearing. Unfortunately, with the ever changing fashions each season, my preferred (generally form-fitting) clothing styles are not always in style and therefore not available in local women’s clothing stores. Even when things are purchased from local stores, they often don’t fit when I get home and try them on.

If you’re thinking my shoulders and arms don’t seem disproportionately large (for a lady) in my photos, that is because I’ve taken steps to minimize their appearance – both in the way I pose for photos and also the lighting utilized. In person, I look a little more like Gabrielle the pro-wrestler… at least in the few tops I currently have that fit semi-decently. Sleeveless tops fit best, but they also expose my well toned, somewhat muscular arms – not very flattering for a lady and nothing I’d be comfortable wearing outside the house.

My wife and I have been trying to find styles that are form-fitting, and yet would also minimize the appearance of my shoulders and arms. In our searches, we’ve come across some attractive clothing items in styles we both like, but nothing ever seems to fit. Sweaters are the exception, but it’s summertime and rather warm outside in my area.

There are several locally owned, less mainstream stores that I haven’t looked into yet. Because they’re not big chain stores, the clothes are more expensive and their return policy a bit more strict. Even so, perhaps I’ll have better luck in one of them.

It’s not easy being a crossdresser. I know I limit myself in the styles that I want to wear vs. what is available, but I can’t help it. I like what I like. My style may not always be in vogue, but it’s always my style.

I offer you another humorous moment in the crossdressing life of yours truly. This was probably more embarrassing than humorous, at least for me. Life is full of moments like this. It’s just a lot more interesting when crossdressing is involved… or maybe just that much more humorous. I’m cool with it though. I hope this humorous (and embarrassing) moment in my life offers you a good laugh or two.

My wife and I were out shopping at a local mall. I was in guy-mode – just another plain looking guy, not much to look at. While browsing a store called “Hot Topic”, my wife spotted a pretty cool skirt. With much excitement she turned toward me, held the skirt up to me, and blurted out in a not so subtle voice, “Honey, you’d look so good in this skirt!” That might have been rather embarrassing if we were out in a public place filled with people and I was in guy-mode. Wait a minute… we were out in a public place filled with people and I was in guy-mode! :o

When we’re out shopping for my female clothing, there are certain protocols to follow. We both refer to Gabrielle as if she’s a friend of my wife’s. She was supposed to say “Don’t you think Gabrielle would look good in this?”, however that is not how it came out at all.

So there I was, out in public in guy-mode. My wife was holding a skirt up to me after letting everyone in a 20 foot radius know how good I’d look in it. I’m not sure exactly what shade of red I turned, but there was nothing I could do other than laugh. As soon as she realized what she just did, Mrs. H. began laughing as well. Embarrassing or not, it was rather funny. Even though I’m sure that people in close proximity heard exactly what she said, it’s the kind of store where the employees and regular customers tend to be a little more open-minded and don’t frown upon personal differences so much. No real damage done.

They didn’t have the skirt in my size, but we picked up a cool black mesh top and some fishnet stockings. I do love my fishnets. I wish they weren’t considered part of a “cheap” or “slutty” look by so many people, but that is an entirely different hot topic for another day.

As much as I hate how society treats crossdressers and transgendered people, you have to admit – it does make for some rather humorous moments at times. :)

 
Related content: More Humorous Moments in Crossdressing