The photo you see above is of my wife, the fabulous Mrs. H. If you’re new to this site, she’s a genetic woman, not a crossdresser (like me). Although she agreed to pose for the photograph, it is not uncommon to find her admiring the beauty she sees in her own reflection in the mirror. This is especially true when she’s wearing something sexy.
What does this have to do with anything? When it comes to the misconceptions about crossdressers by mainstream society, a lot, really. Please note that sex and masturbation will be brought up in this article to some extent – not in a gratuitous way, but rather informational and as a matter of fact. You may want to stop reading now if informational sexual content is offensive to you. In saying that, I can’t help but wonder if people also skipped out on sex education in school because that also dealt with matters of sex and (gasp) masturbation.
I would like to first mention that my wife has given her permission to publish the intimate content within this article and is fully aware of what it encompasses. She understands my intentions and agrees with the message I would like to convey.
She likes to dress sexy
Mrs. H. is an attractive woman. Short miniskirts and revealing tops are often the norm when leaving the house. This was more the case years ago than now, but dressing sexy was, and to some extent still is, her preferred choice in personal appearance. Her revealing attire is not intended to attract the attention of horny guys, even though that is often the result. She’s a cute little thing, but also tough as nails. Guys who misinterpret her sexy appearance as an invitation to hit on her are always greeted with a cold, abrasive earful from my outspoken wife. She can really handle herself and then some, trust me. The point is that Mrs. H. likes to dress sexy because she enjoys looking good, period.
Society has a problem with sex
Expression of sex and sexuality is oddly frowned upon in today’s society. Of western cultures, America is probably the most sexually repressed. It’s not quite as bad as it was 40 years ago, but this is still a highly sexually repressed society. Case in point: (in America) it’s acceptable to show someone literally getting their head blown off by a shotgun in movies and video games, but it’s not acceptable to show the act of sex, or even a woman’s frontal, naked body. So graphic violence is acceptable, but the most natural thing to all mammalian life forms on this planet, sex, is not. I could write volumes about this alone, but it’s not the main point of this article. It is however, an important point in the dots I’d like to connect – a point that extends well beyond this one write-up.
Aroused by her own reflection
Sometimes when looking at herself in the mirror, my wife can be very playful in how she poses, admires her body, and even touches herself. Although she’ll do this in the nude, more frequently it is when she’s dressed sexy. There are times when she’ll get all dressed up sexy simply to enjoy looking at her reflection. The experience is often very arousing (to her) and can lead to other things.
She masturbates fully clothed
My wife and I enjoy an active and healthy sex life. Even so, both of us still masturbate from time to time. With some exceptions, most humans do, regardless of how often they have sex. Perhaps the most interesting thing about how my wife prefers to masturbate is that she’ll usually do so when fully dressed in sexy clothes. The process begins when she gets all dressed up (including hair and makeup) and seductively poses in front of the mirror. I’m not going to get into all of the details, but the act of masturbation itself is usually done without removing any items of clothing.
Women are attracted to feminine beauty
Admiration and attraction to her own sexy form in the mirror is not unique to my wife. I’ve observed this behavior in other women, although to a lesser extent. Previous girlfriends exhibited similar conduct, admiring their own beauty and playfully posing in front of a mirror, before going out on a formal date. When accompanying my wife to clothing stores, I sometimes observe other women admiring themselves in mirrors near the fitting rooms, in ways that (seem to) go beyond simply identifying if something fits well. In personal conversation, a few other men I know have reported similar behavior in their wives – the specifics vary, but the self-arousal theme is present. It is pretty clear that my wife is not the only one essentially turned on by her own sexy reflection in the mirror from time to time. Although it may be uncommon, I highly doubt she is the only woman who masturbates fully clothed, either.
Sexual repression and behavior
Around the house, Mrs. H. is pretty uninhibited when it comes to her own body. Because of society’s general level of sexual repression, some women will probably never consider the idea of admiring themselves in the mirror on a sexual level. They may feel it is silly, abnormal, sinful, or otherwise somehow wrong. The percentage of women who (sexually) admire themselves in the privacy of their own homes vs. those who do not is something I can only guess at, in addition to the numerous factors that come into play with each.
The point
When my wife dresses sexy, she does so simply because she likes the way she looks and feels good about her appearance. The fact that she can become aroused by her own reflection and sometimes masturbate while dressed sexy does not mean she dresses sexy as some kind of “weird sexual fetish”. A number of women are in fact attracted to their own image. The fact that is it not often discussed does not make it abnormal or unnatural. It’s just a sign of our sexually repressed society.
Where does crossdressing come into play?
If you’re a crossdresser, you probably understand why I’d bring this up. If not, it may seem like a bit of an odd topic. My hope is that this article makes an interesting read when it comes to the sexual repression of our society (mainly American) and a form of autoerotic stimulus that is rarely discussed. It is also necessary to have this write-up available for reference before publishing the yet to be completed Crossdressing Myth #7 (which I will link to from here after its publication).
A very honest post. Thanks for sharing.
> she enjoys looking good
I was going to say “doesn’t everyone” but having walked through town earlier – day and night time – that’s not always the case.
I can only speak personally as each person’s view may be different. I like to dress well, although what I consider to be good or bad varies both on my mood and other people’s perceptions.
Looking at it from a CD angle, I think I can see where your wife is coming from. I know if I’m well dressed, I feel good on the inside. To some that may sound shallow, but it’s not. If I feel good because I think I look good, that’s a postitive cycle and it lets my confidience shine through.
If that’s not too big headed to say so. :-)
I think you should have gone ahead and said “doesn’t everyone”, Lynn. Although, as you observed, not everyone does look “good”, I think it is accurate to say that everyone enjoys looking good, or would enjoy looking good if they felt they could do so (or made some kind of effort to fix themselves up).
It is true, what looks good on people will vary depending on mood, personal style/taste, and that is all subjected to the “eye of the beholder”, as in the one who sees us dressed in what we feel good about ourselves in.
My wife loves dressing up. At her family gatherings, she is always the best dressed… even when completely not necessary. She loves her clothes, tries on multiple outfits before going out (many gg’s do), and really lights up with vibrant enthusiasm after settling on the outfit she looks best in. I love to see her dressed up as well. :)
I don’t think it’s shallow in the slightest admitting to feeling good about oneself when one looks good (as in feeling good as a result of looking good). When I’m all dressed up with my makeup just right, I feel wonderful about myself. It’s honestly hard to be in a bad mood when I love what I see in my own reflection. Yes, dressing up really does wonders for my mood and attitude. I only wish dressing “sexy” wasn’t so frowned upon these days… but I’ve already ranted about that one.
Very perceptive observations Gabrielle. I enjoy reading your posts. I agree, our western culture is sexually repressed. And luckily for your wife and myself, GG, we get the benefit of a double standard. We can wear pretty things that make us feel good and we can admire ourselves and other GG, or we can throw on our SO’s t-shirt and admire a male. And for a lucky few like myself and Mrs H, we get the best of all worlds. A crossdressing man in our life to share all things male and female with, that understands us sometimes better than we do ourselves.
P.S. you sounded great on Closet Talk.
Thanks for chiming in, Lyynd – I’m so happy to hear from a gg on this one. :) Yes, our society’s sexually repressive nature is very constricting… as are the “gender rules” that are enforced with a vengeance.
I’ve always been jealous how women (gg’s) get to dress and look so pretty. Of course, that jealousy is mostly replaced by crossdressing these days. :) Like my wife, you (and many other gg’s), I also want to look into the mirror and really like what I see – which is something that doesn’t really happen in guy-mode. As Gabrielle, I really love the reflection I see in the mirror and feel so good about myself! It is what I call truly feeling alive.
My wife, like yourself, very much enjoys my feminine side. From browsing through girly mags and clothing catalogs, to getting out shopping – I can appreciate with her many things that “normal” men don’t.
Thanks for the compliment on Closet Talk, too. :) **blushing**
I have a real soft spot in my heart for women like you – the one’s who love AND appreciate their crossdressing husband. I was luck to end up with one myself… and I wish more cd/tg folks could as well. My love and respect to you and “Green Eyes”. :)
Hi Gabrielle,
First off, I will speak from a male’s point of view, one probably as direct and outspoken as you say your wife is. I am a firm believer that when one (men or women) dresses in a sexually provocative manner, they are “asking for it” when someone checks them out, or even flirts with or makes a pass at them. I am not suggesting that this is an open invitation for the cruder forms of these, including open staring or cat calling. I am simply stating that it is a societally acceptable sign of someone being receptive to an advance. In fact, I find it rather rude that someone might dress this way, yet in some cases, rudely or coldly shut someone down. (I’m also not suggesting that Mrs. H behaves like this when the advance is mistaken, but it’s a subject I address from time to time, since some people seem to be offended that someone’s taken notice of their attractiveness.) Naturally, I support anyone who needs to be direct when others just won’t take the hint, or are crude.
That said, you’re absolutely right, your wife is simply lovely. I do hope you’ve considered changing your middle name to “Lucky.”
Second, I have been fascinated with this subject. Though I won’t go into details, I will suffice to say the women I’ve known have been very sexually conservative – not in the traditional sense of “what goes where,” but specifically in how they do when and where. Essentially, sex remains only in the bedroom, and it stays there, period.
Anyway, wonderful post, and I look forward to Myth #7 being posted. This does open up a view to the world of women that I’m afraid I was never able to discern for myself.
I appreciate your honest opinion, Kathryn, and you brought up some good points. I agree to some extent that when someone dresses in a certain way, that they are in fact trying to be noticed. This in and of itself is not a bad thing, and I think very few people would deny the desire to be admired by others when they do so. In terms of dressing “sexy” (purposely avoiding the term “sexually provocative”), I can say with all certainty that my wife wants to be seen as attractive and appreciates compliments on her appearance (which she’ll take very graciously). It is only when someone makes it known they want to hook up with her (or begins testing the water in obvious ways) that she’ll set things straight quickly, and she’s had her share of dealing with the rude, aggressive type. I probably should have spelled that out better. Being a quiet person around strangers, and one who keeps to people she knows at gatherings, she is not exactly the flirtatious type. There is nothing she does in her mannerisms or interactions with others that would send out any message of “Hey, I’m available and looking.” You kind of have to know her to better understand what I’m talking about.
The point I’m trying to make is that there is a big difference between dressing up nicely (which often means “sexy” in my book) to look nice, and attempting to be “sexually provocative”. The latter is something a bit different in my opinion, and includes the way in which one carries herself/behaves. I believe you and I are on the same page in this regard, Kathryn, or at least do not differ greatly. I did want to clarify a few things that may not have been descript enough in my write up though.
In regard to my middle name, yes, I very feel lucky to have my wife, for many reasons. I thank God for her in my life every day and always let her know how much I love her.
I’m sorry that the women in your life have been rather conservative on the sexual side. To be honest, until Mrs. H. came along, the same was true in my life. I do not say this to boast or brag in any way, but she is very uninhibited when it comes to her own body and sex. If it were not for our sexually repressed society, I believe a lot more women would also be this way. My wife however, has never been one to follow “society’s rules”. She is refreshingly independent in her thinking and many other aspects of who she is.
Myth #7 is an obvious one and something I’ve been a little hesitant to explore on my site until recently. I do not want this website being tagged as “adult” or “unfriendly” by the search engines because of the mention of sex and/or sexuality. I’ve been trying to keep things informative and tasteful, but elements in our wonderfully sexually repressed society sometimes sees things differently.
Wow I totally get that. I mean I have felt weird in the past for spending a lot of time checking myself out, but that does make things make more sense. I mean I have known women that I either suspected of doing just that or even seen doing that… but never made the connection in just that way.
Thank you it was an interesting read.
I’m glad you get it, Erin. :) I believe many women check themselves out on a fairly regular bases, and also become aroused by their own beauty in the process. But, just like crossdressing, the act of being aroused by one’s own image (even if she is a genetic woman) is still regarded as taboo by many people. I love how all of these perfectly normal human traits get bastardized by society. Anyway, I’m sure the taboo aspect of it keeps women from talking about it. I’m sure it even keeps many of them from even allowing themselves to be aroused by their own image – they probably feel like some kind of “weird-o” for ever having any sexual thoughts as a result of looking at themselves, and write it off as nothing (as in, it never happened, and never talk about it).
Even among crossdressers, it seems almost taboo within the community (if you can call it that) to admit to being aroused by their own feminine beauty. To admit such might mean that they won’t be taken seriously by other crossdressers as they will be looked at as a “fetish dresser” rather than a “normal crossdresser” (as always, “normal” is a relative term). To hell with that. I’m not a fetish dresser, but if I find myself sexy, I’m going to look. If I become aroused, then I’m going to enjoy myself. Why not? My wife does. I believe many, many women do on a very regular basis. Must be some kind of really weird fetish among sexy women, huh? *wink, wink*
Hey I like sexy women with fetishes! Hee hee.
Seriously finding a place at all is so hard as a crossdresser. At least with the local Gay Lesbian Trangender Alliance they tend to really not understand transgender issues that aren’t linked to being gay. The local gay/transgender community (they are kind of rolled into one here) is less than understanding about hetero crossdressers to the point of suggesting that they are simply in denial about there sexuality or are simply into sexual fetishism.
I also understand there is real pressure put on those that are straight (or bisexual) that do try to participate with the local transgender community to be gay. I briefly flirted with the idea of going dressed to some local transgender venues (usually more like weekly/monthly scheduled events mostly at gay clubs) but what i have learned from friends that are gay and involved in those communities (covertly of course) suggested to me that was not the best place for me to be.
I hate to say it but Hetro and maybe even Bi crossdressers seem only to have a real since of community online=(
Yeah – I rather like the whole “sexy women with fetishes” thing, too. :D
In regard to gays thinking that straight crossdressers are just gays in denial or just a fetish-thing, I’ve heard (some) gay men also profess that bi-men are just gays who are afraid to go all the way. People tend to believe only that which exists in their own life. People of greater intelligence will grow beyond that knowledge which exists in their own life and come to accept that people everywhere are DIFFERENT. Differences do exist whether we can identify with them or not. Understanding that is very important. That kind of knowledge came to me late in life, but I’m grateful that I did finally get it, even if it took me a while.
Wow! I love the way you’re able to articulate what I feel inside. Just the act of dressing sexy feels GOOD. And thus it feels good, to look good and be sexy. I’ve only come out to my former neighbor downstairs, and the first time she saw Madeleine she was shocked, not that I was dressed as a woman but, as she said, “no offense intended”, that “you look so much better as a woman than you do as a man”! She just kept expressing her amazement at how great, and feminine I looked. And man, that felt absolutely GREAT!!
What this has to do with the subject? Well as in this posting and myth #7 you talked about our sexual attraction to ourselves when dressed and made up nicely, and to the nine’s. It definitely builds my confidence, my ego, or whatever. I too, smile softly, sweetly, and femininely every time I’m Madeleine, and when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I’m looking so good, and feeling so incredibly feminine I smile, and this sweet wave of feel goodness washes over me and I feel wonderful. And I feel soft and feminine. I look so womanly and it feels just so…good. And makes me so happy. Other times I intentionally dress “slutty” to sexually provoke myself! Never to go out in public, but because I love that vamp too.
I started somewhere between 6 and 8 years old myself, and have to admit, many of the sexual feelings I had when I secretly “borrowed” my Mom’s lingerie still give me a “tingle” today. The materials DO feel sexy to me. And I’ve wondered if I’m “just” a fetishist. Well I am…a little.
But in recent years as I’ve gotten much better with makeup, and found clothes that fit and flatter me, and get better at putting outfits and colors together. I find I’ve been wanting to be dressed and be Madeliene more and more of the time, my days (& my nights). I realized that I’ve been unconsciously trying to look (within the limits of my body NOT being long and lithe) LIKE THE KIND OF WOMAN I’D BE ATTTRACTED TO. Or how I’d like a girlfriend or wife to look and act if she were with me.
Sometimes my Madeleine dresses provocatively sexy, even slutty (torn stockings, garter, sexy makeup, heavy blush, glittery high heels in the bedroom, filmy baby dolls, yada, yada -she’s doing it to please and excite the man inside, the male me which is also a part of me which I keep and enjoy. She really turns me on, and wants me to “get laid” with her, and at some point, I/we do. It doesn’t mean I necessarily get out of femme mode though. Talk about enjoying masculine and feminine sex- sometimes the one dominates more than the other, but I usually end up relaxing with/as Madeleine.
I often prefer to stay enfemme, at home with Madeleine sometimes for days, without being physically aroused, until I have to be in male mode to be out doing business, or something where I’d get real grungy, and don’t want to mess up my beautiful clothes, or get my long (wig) hair caught in something, or catch fire on the barbecue. Then as I change I sometimes allow myself to be aroused and masturbate. Is it Madeleine’s way of saying goodby for now? It just feels like a completion of the cycle. But I’ll still wear her undies under my jeans, just to keep that little smile, that reminder that she’s always with me, a part of me. And because her underwear just feels better than mine.
So, a long winded way of saying, that I have always been a sensual, tactile, and sexual person. So Madeleine and I, we both have a strong sex drive and a desire for fulfillment. So is that self love? If so, it feels right to me. Isn’t healthiest state of mind, and our ability to love and accept others as they are, is directly related to how much we are able to love and accept ourselves? Not until we learn to love and accept ourselves completely, even the parts we don’t nessessarily like about ourselves, will we be able to truly and completely love another, and life itself. It is not selfish because our capacity to give of ourselves to others is directly related to our ability, and willingness to receive, and accept.
Call it selfish unselfishness.
Thank you Gabrielle! -Love Madeleine
P.S. I too, have to admit to being slightly jealous of you and your wife’s relationship. I hope, while I’m still healthy and able to enjoy it,(I too have early stage prostate cancer), I hope I will be fortunate to have the right woman come into my love who can love and enjoy and accept me as your wife does you. She sounds like a dynamite lady.
P.P.S. Another reason to love (being) Madeleine. I not only feel better, I look at least 15 to 20 years YOUNGER as a woman than I do as a man.
Must be all that hair ‘n’ makeup…
Thanks for sharing, Madeleine. :) In regard to crossdressing as a fetish or simple for feminine self-expression, there is a wide range in that balance among crossdressers. In online message forums, personal communications, and browsing through other blogs, I’ve seen everything from the pure fetish dressers to the purely “never aroused”, and everything in-between. I think the same goes for genetic women, as I sighted with my own wife as example. She can and is sometimes attracted to herself. This is not unique to her, as I’ve heard similar stories about the wives of people I know. It’s not exactly popular conversational material, but it does get discussed from time to time – at least among those who are comfortable enough to share.
It’s just society’s general sexual repression and “fear of being laughed at” that keeps many genetic women from ever admitting such self-attraction. It’s a very natural part of human behavior (in many), even if not consistent with that which society is currently comfortable with acknowledging.
I’ve read accounts from plenty of crossdressers who swear left and right it’s NEVER about anything sexually arousing. I think that is true for some, and that others are just afraid of “what other crossdressers will think” if they admit to there being sexual gratification involved, even if only sometimes. Even among those who exist as a social taboo, it can often be taboo to discuss some of the realities.
About my wife – I think people sometimes get the wrong impression that we enjoy the “perfect marriage” because she is accepting of my feminine side (and even encouraging at times). We’re much like any other married couple, though. Maybe crossdressing isn’t a problem, but plenty of other issues creep up. We have our moments – trust me! This is something I’ve been meaning to write about in greater depth. An accepting wife is great, but that does not equate to a perfect marriage by any means.
Here is one relevant science paper on “autogynephilia” in women.
http://home.netcom.com/~docx2/AGF.htm
Turns out a lot of women get turned on by experiencing themselves as sexy and attractive.
And why shouldn’t they?
I totally agree with this article. Were it a person, I would hug them. The “women being attracted to feminine beauty” and the “dressing sexy to feel awesome” and the “self-attraction” bits especially.
I myself often spend quite a few minutes checking my own body out in the mirror once I’m dressed up. It has made me late for things a couple of times.
I think that that the “Women are attracted to feminine beauty” point explains very well why so many straight women are attracted to cross dressing guys. They get to enjoy the sexy feminine looks, whilst underneath you’re still a guy that they can bang/date/marry etc. It’s a win/win situation for them.
PS. Your wife’s hair is gorgeous. I wish my hair looked half as good.