Yesterday my latest package of mail-order clothing arrived. After arriving home from a long day at work, I quickly got out of my man-clothes and tried everything on. One garment at a time, my disappointment grew as I discovered nothing fit me. My lovely wife, on the other hand, ended up with a new elegant yet sexy little black dress and attractive bell sleeve top. She looks mighty fine in them, too, I must say. Finding female clothing items in my style and in my size often seems like a cruel exercise in futility.
Of the four items ordered, two have ended up in my wife’s already bursting closet, and two were shipped back to the online retailer. As for me, the one who desperately needs flattering tops that fit well and hide my not so feminine shoulders and arms – I get to pay more shipping fees and end up with nothing for my troubles.
It’s always a gamble buying clothes online… or at least it has been for me. I have yet to order a single item of clothing that actually fits. My upper-body is the problem area. Tops never seem to fit my broad shoulders and they’re always too short… or end up being too big all around, depending on size ordered.
I’m pretty choosy when it comes to clothing style. There are only a few general styles that I really enjoy – both on myself and to see other women wearing. Unfortunately, with the ever changing fashions each season, my preferred (generally form-fitting) clothing styles are not always in style and therefore not available in local women’s clothing stores. Even when things are purchased from local stores, they often don’t fit when I get home and try them on.
If you’re thinking my shoulders and arms don’t seem disproportionately large (for a lady) in my photos, that is because I’ve taken steps to minimize their appearance – both in the way I pose for photos and also the lighting utilized. In person, I look a little more like Gabrielle the pro-wrestler… at least in the few tops I currently have that fit semi-decently. Sleeveless tops fit best, but they also expose my well toned, somewhat muscular arms – not very flattering for a lady and nothing I’d be comfortable wearing outside the house.
My wife and I have been trying to find styles that are form-fitting, and yet would also minimize the appearance of my shoulders and arms. In our searches, we’ve come across some attractive clothing items in styles we both like, but nothing ever seems to fit. Sweaters are the exception, but it’s summertime and rather warm outside in my area.
There are several locally owned, less mainstream stores that I haven’t looked into yet. Because they’re not big chain stores, the clothes are more expensive and their return policy a bit more strict. Even so, perhaps I’ll have better luck in one of them.
It’s not easy being a crossdresser. I know I limit myself in the styles that I want to wear vs. what is available, but I can’t help it. I like what I like. My style may not always be in vogue, but it’s always my style.
Tags: clothes, crossdressing, fashion, rant, shopping
By Petra Bellejambes on Jul 29, 2009 | Reply
Ola Gabrielle. I get your points and disappointments. Its a problem I run into as well. A couple of tips follow.
1. Make sure you are buying the right shapes and silhouettes. This will lower your return rate. I recommend you get a tape measure out, visit myshape.com and take note of their recommendations.
2. Stay away from really structured, tailored garments. Go with knits, knits and knits. Bling up the waistline and wrists to draw attention from the muscular top.
3. If you are buying tailored dresses and suits, get to know a seamstress. If the top fits, the skirt will want a little tuck in. And for you, likely will want to be shortened too.
4. Try shopping online at American Apparel next time. I think they have a lot of dresses that fit your style.
Off course, shopping en femme and trying things on in the shops has advantages (and built in fun and adventure…)
Happy dressing …. Petra
By Gabrielle on Jul 29, 2009 | Reply
Thanks for the helpful advice, Petra! :) I was hoping to get a few tips and pointers from some who has a figured out (much better than I). I have yet to go shopping en femme and do want to, but part of the problem is I don’t really have anything that works well in public yet (properly minimizing my man-shoulders) – a little catch 22 in that regard. lol
I’ll get this worked out, and your points are much appreciated! Thanks again. :)
By Lynn Jones on Jul 29, 2009 | Reply
Shopping en femme may be easier, but if you’ve not got an outfit ready yet, there are other ways.
Some fashion stores will stock both male and female clothes. Go on a quiet day and put the female items at the bottom of your basket. Drop a pair of trousers over the top and head to the changing room. :)
By Gabrielle on Jul 29, 2009 | Reply
Look at you, Lynn – coming up with a great possible solution to the shopping in drab and discretely trying on the femme items. I’m not sure that would work well in the department stores – their male and female clothing items are stored in very separate departments, so it might raise an eye or two with the security cams watching, BUT in a smaller store where there is not such a divide, it just might do the trick. Thanks. :)
By Marlene on Jul 30, 2009 | Reply
Are you tall? Over 5′10″? Then try a Tall Girls Shop if there is one in your area. Just wander in during a quiet time (just after opening is good), find the manager, smile (that’s important), say you are a crossdresser (the first time is the hardest) and ask would it be OK if you tried on a few things?
Then actually try something on, and maybe buy something to cement the relationship. I’ve never had a bad response – believe me, these ladies have seen it all.
This works in other stores, too, especially smaller shops where there isn’t a big crowd of customers most of the time. Or large size shops like Lane Bryant. The worst that can happen is she says “I’m sorry, no [fill in excuse here]” in which case you go on to the next store.
I’ve made a lot of purchases this way. Usually you will get a very liberal return policy, too. I’ve even gone back dressed once or twice just for their education and enjoyment. It’s a hoot!
Best… Marlene
By Gabrielle on Jul 30, 2009 | Reply
Thanks, Marlene. Yes, I am kind of tall… well certainly tall for a female, but probably average guy height. I know about the “big and tall” shops for men, but never really knew they had them for women as well. That’s a good idea.
I haven’t outed myself to any sales assistance yet, but I’ve been pondering the idea for some time now. Sooner or later, I’ll have to do just that to get good service. I’ve even been working on an optimal and tactful way out explaining who I am so as to minimize the potential of “[fill in excuse here]“.
I appreciate the input, Marlene. Thanks again! :)
By Jessica on Aug 3, 2009 | Reply
I really hate it when I order clothes online, they arrive, and then are way too small for my body…That’s why I’ve started trying on things in the store, at least then when it doesn’t fit, I just put it right back on the rack :)!!! lol
By Gabrielle on Aug 4, 2009 | Reply
That’s definitely a smarter way to shop, Jessica. :) I’ve really got to find some local stores that carry the kind of things I like and find a cool sales assistant (or store owner) to build a good relationship with. I’m sure my wardrobe would get a lot fatter a lot quicker that way… and my bank account a lot thinner! lol
By Nicole on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
What’s up with the sizing of womens clothes? I have a size 14 skirt that is too small and size 12 skirt that is way too big. If a skirt has an elastic waste, I buy a medium, cause I have found that a large will be too big. Sometimes even a medium is too big. As far as tops go, I agonize over whether I should buy a large or extra large. It seems like a crap shoot. And apparently a large in a Junior size is different than large Misses which is different than a large Womens! It is all very confusing. Obviously the best solution is to try things on, however it is very hard for me to try things on in the stores, since I have never gone out shopping as Nicole (at least not yet). I was saved from buying the wrong size skirt at Burlington Coat Factory by trying it on. It was easy there to grab a skirt and then walk over to the mens dept and grab a pair of jeans and hit the dressing room. Why does buying womens clothes have to be so diffcult?
By Gabrielle on Sep 1, 2009 | Reply
It can definitely be tricky, Nicole. Without the social stigma, it would be a whole lot easier for all of us to just try things on in the stores. My wife actually complains about many of the things you mentioned. I’m not sure how women do it in light of that. lol We’ve gotten in the habit of bringing a tape measure with us when we shop. I’ve got my measurements and we measure garments to see if they might be a good fit or not. My main trouble is I’m rather tall for a woman, and of course, have broad shoulders. Our system has been working out fairly well so far though. Fewer returns this way. :) Mail order is still mostly guess work, but at least we’re doing better in shopping centers.