Tag Archives: socially acceptable

“What the Hell Was That?”, He Asked His Friends, Referring to Me

Gabrielle's New Year Portrait 20142013 was a year filled with beautiful new experiences, new friends, personal growth and important life lessons. In 2014 I plan to continue working toward my goal of living life (full-time) as a trans woman and fostering much needed, positive trans awareness in society. Among other things, it includes taking every opportunity to attend to public aspects of life in my female form; as my true self (Gabrielle, not my man-facade).

The photo (upper-left) was taken just before heading out to make a few purchases from a local grocery store, and meet up with a friend at a local coffee shop. I ended up wearing a faux leather hat, which my wife, the Fabulous Mrs. H., recommended just before leaving the house. You can see the hat here in my Flickr photo.

Continued positive public experiences
I’ve gone grocery shopping several times over the last few months (in my female form) without a hitch. I’m happy to say it’s almost become routine and boring. Almost. I still experience some fear in doing so, but I know that the fear is a lie, and I choose not to listen to it. With an “I don’t care what people think of me” attitude, I just go about my business, and things tend to go very smoothly. No one has laughed at me in public in quite some time.

More often than not, the grocery store cashiers seem to be a little shy around me, or perhaps slightly uncomfortable. It’s an understandable reaction in dealing with a trans woman, which is something they probably don’t encounter in day to day life, and so may be filled with the usual misconceptions. Even though they’re a little quieter when dealing with me, and often make as little eye contact as possible, they’ve been nothing but polite and professional, and I’m pleased with that.

I’m a person, NOT a thing
As I approached the grocery store this past Saturday, a group of four teenage boys were making their exit. They stopped talking immediately upon noticing me, and made no effort to disguise their stares. Just as we had passed by each other and they were now behind me, I clearly heard one of them comment, “What the hell was that?!”, referring to me as the “that”.

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Dear Gabi, I’m a Crossdresser and Don’t Understand Myself

Dear Gabi,

My name is Casey. I’m an 18 year old male who enjoys cross dressing but is very secretive about it. I am straight. I have not told many people, and don’t get an opportunity to do it as often as I like. I have a lot of questions and stuff to get off my chest.

I have only come out to four people. I came out to my parents when I was in the sixth grade, because I was going through puberty and didn’t understand my brain. They were both fine with it and didn’t love me any less. However I think as far as they’re concerned I’ve stopped cross dressing. We haven’t talked about it since. I shouldn’t have a problem with it because they are two of the most loving, liberal, open minded people I know and every day I’m grateful that they’re my parents.

I openly describe myself to people as flamboyant, and when I say it, I say it proudly. I am proud that I do all the no-no’s of being a manly man. I love my girly side, I just wish I could express it more. I suppose I get along better with girls (except for my best friend in the world who is a guy) and the ones I am friends with are open and loving. My two friends here at college would probably be fine with knowing I’m a cross dresser but I freeze whenever I even think about telling them. I’ve told two other people besides my parents. Purely by coincidence they were both girls who were struggling with their sexuality. One of them is now my best friend on campus, and we talk about the subject all the time.
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Dear Gabi, My Crossdressing Boyfriend Just Came Out but Now He’s Nervous and Depressed

Dear Gabi,

My name’s Angel and I have a crossdressing boyfriend, “Sullie”. We’re still in highschool, and have been dating for two years, but I’ve only just found out that he’s a crossdresser because he has been afraid to tell me because of how I may have reacted. I fully accept him, and try to encourage him to be himself no matter what. I am 1 of 5 people who know, but none of his friends or family know.

I’m almost sadden by the fact that he had took so long, after I’ve been very vocal on my opinions about Gay, Bi, Lesbian and etc decisions in life. I myself am Bisexual, but Sullie’s the only person for me.

He’s become a shell of himself and is still nervous when he dresses around me. He feels he is a freak, and “not normal.” This is what saddens me the most. His acceptance in society won’t be felt for a while. Like said, I fully, 100% support him in any way possible. He is himself, and that’s what I fell in love with, nothing less.

Our first year together, he wasn’t the most faithful, but something held me to him. Something told me to stay. After he came out, things have been so much better. We are stronger, and I can honestly say, I have never ever felt closer to him.

Sully has always had a quality about him, a shy nature. But as he has progressed in his nature and sexuality, he’s become ashamed of himself – not at all times, but it’s definitely a mental state of depression that I hate to see him go through. He’s never been sure of himself, inside and out. Now that I know, it’s boosted him slightly, but not enough for him to come out as Sullie to other people.

I sometimes get frustrated because some of the comments his friends make without knowing honestly offend him, but he can’t say anything. He’s 16. Do you have any advice for us? And advice for confidence for him?


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Dear Gabi, Why Do Men Crossdress? Many girls are just curious.

Dear Gabi,

I am a straight SWF and actress. Can you explain why some dressers are straight, some are bi, and some are gay? Do they find dressing sexual at all? Do they have a special id with their mothers or sisters? Does each prefer specific items of clothing, or soft, silky fabric? Is the attraction to the clothing, or the idea of being a sexually appealing or soft female? Would they be more attracted to a more feminine or masculine looking and acting woman?

I have encountered many cross-dressers in Las Vegas, in and out of the entertainment industry. Most are very shy about revealing their preferences. Most surprising is that most focus on one specific garment ie shoes, lingerie, mini-skirts, that is associated with female sexuality. That is why I was trying to understand the psychology behind it.

Thanks for your response. Many girls are just curious.


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Dear Gabi, What Should I Expect From Therapy?

Dear Gabi,

I have just approached a therapist about some sessions as I feel my crossdressing is starting to effect my relationship. My girlfriend is understanding in a way but is still not overly keen.

It is just me who will be attending, as we both feel there are issues I need to address which could all be linked. Short temper for no apparent reason like I get really mad about the most silly things. My girlfriend thinks it’s always before I need to dress. She does not want to see me dressed though. I think I need to get a good understanding of why I need to dress other than “I love that dress!!”. I feel I’m rambling on a bit so apologies for that. I don’t wish for it to go any further than our home but I don’t want to always be alone when dressed but not sure she will ever want to get involved.

I just wondered what is the main objective of this type of therapy. I am nervous and not sure what to expect.

Best regards,

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Happy Halloween 2009 from Vampiress Gabrielle

Vampiress GabrielleHappy Halloween 2009 (a day early) from your friendly neighborhood crossdressing Vampiress. Hey rides, bobbing for apples, haunted houses, costume parties, and trick-or-treating will be among the activities enjoyed by folks on this candy-filled holiday.

Halloween is often regarded as the “crossdresser’s holiday”. On this single day of the year, it is generally socially acceptable to venture out into public en femme without being ridiculed, harassed, or facing harm (from haters). Because a man dressing up as a woman is regarded as a simple “costume” rather than a social deviation, the rules are changed, if only for a short time.

In years past, I remember some of my male friends dressing up as women on Halloween. Their costumes consisted of ridiculous looking dresses, mismatched jewelry, a bad wig, over sized breasts, and absurd makeup (applied almost clown-like). I observed similar displays at various costume parties. In addition, the men behaved very much like men with only occasional feminine behaviors displayed, and usually highly exaggerated for comical purposes.
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Socially Acceptable Gender Expression

gender symbols

This an old argument among male to female crossdressers. Why can women dress in clothes that are considered feminine or masculine, whereas men can only dress in clothes deemed masculine? There are no laws about this kind of thing, but the socially acceptable factor has a lot of weight on how we can live our lives in the public arena.

Extending well beyond just clothes, it encompasses total physical appearance, behavior and mannerisms. I’ve put together a very basic chart to illustrate the socially accepted gender expression norms:
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