Nov
14th

Dear Gabi, Why Do Men Crossdress? Many girls are just curious.

Filed under Dear Gabi Advice Column | Posted by Gabrielle

Dear Gabi,

I am a straight SWF and actress. Can you explain why some dressers are straight, some are bi, and some are gay? Do they find dressing sexual at all? Do they have a special id with their mothers or sisters? Does each prefer specific items of clothing, or soft, silky fabric? Is the attraction to the clothing, or the idea of being a sexually appealing or soft female? Would they be more attracted to a more feminine or masculine looking and acting woman?

I have encountered many cross-dressers in Las Vegas, in and out of the entertainment industry. Most are very shy about revealing their preferences. Most surprising is that most focus on one specific garment ie shoes, lingerie, mini-skirts, that is associated with female sexuality. That is why I was trying to understand the psychology behind it.

Thanks for your response. Many girls are just curious.

Davida-Rochelle


Gabrielle HermosaDear Davida-Rochelle,

I appreciate your curiosity and am glad you’ve taken the time to do a little research on the topic of crossdressing.  It is often quite the mystery to non-trans folk.  It can be a pretty big mystery, and rather confusing for crossdressers, too.  At least at first. I am not shy about this aspect of my life though, and happy to provide some insight.

The questions are often the same, but the answers are not
So why are some crossdressers straight, some bi, and others gay?  Perhaps it might put things in perspective to ponder the question: why are some non-crossdressers straight, bi, or gay?  The short answer to all of these questions is that crossdressers are as varied and different as non-crossdressers.  There’s really no way to easily sum up the choices and differences for all non-crossdressers.  The same applies for crossdressers.

Crossdressing is a mystery… but not really
The reason crossdressing seems pretty mysterious to many is simply the result of lack of knowledge, social intolerance, the taboo factor, and the fact that crossdressing is often seen as some kind of abnormality, sickness, perversion, confusion, etc.  Being trans is no more abnormal than being left-handed or having artistic tendencies or preferring the color green over blue.  Crossdressing is simply unpopular (in the mainstream), and unpopular things are often shunned.

The answer to the rest of your questions are yes or no, depending on the crossdresser being assessed.  I’d love to be able to give you a straight answer (no pun intended), but it doesn’t work like that.  Additionally, whether the answer to the questions are yes or no, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the “yes” or “no” has any direct connection to the motivation for crossdressing.

Lack of knowledge leads to incorrect conclusions
Because of the general lack of knowledge (about crossdressing) among non-trans folk, many people tend to fill in the blanks with reasoning that seems logical to them.  I would compare it to a young child watching television at an early age.  Not understanding the technology at work and having only a very limited comprehension of the world around them, it is common for young children to logically deduce that the people they see on the screen are somehow actually *inside* the device itself.

I commend you for choosing to research this topic rather than write it off as some kind of inexplicable oddity.  Perhaps the best thing you can do to understand what drives (genetically male) trans-folk to exhibit a preference toward a female appearance/expression is to forget all the cliches and misconceptions you’ve heard to this point in your life.  Keep in mind that being trans is (sadly) just unpopular and not some kind of separate off-shoot form of the human condition.  We’re all different individuals – trans and non.  Trying to figure out why someone crossdresses is a bit like trying to figure out why one of your girlfriends likes a certain type of guy, or prefers to dress in one style over another.  Why does anyone prefer what they do? Preferences are simply preferences, whether it be style, food, gender expression, or anything else, everyone has their own.

Here’s how it works for me
If it may help, I will directly answer your questions as they pertain to me.  My preferences do not reflect those of all crossdressers any more than the preferences/choices of any one non-crossdresser can represent all non-crossdressers.  I’ve interacted with many trans-folk and discovered more differences than similarities. The major similarity is the most basic element: genetic males expressing feminine tendencies, mainly in appearance and choice of self-presentation.

What is my sexual preference?
All I can say is that I love women, period.  I’ve always admired, been attracted to, and even jealous of beautiful women.  The thought of being with a male in any romantic capacity is repulsive to me.  As a tgirl, I guess I’m kind of a lipstick lesbian.  As a man, I’m just another straight guy.

Do I find dressing (in women’s clothes) sexual?
It used to be very sexually arousing to wear women’s clothing.  Over the years, the arousal (tied to dressing) has faded away. It has become more comfortable and natural feeling to dress up like and express a female presentation.  It reduces my stress, makes life more enjoyable, and in a nutshell, simply makes me feel more alive, period.

Do I have a special id/connection to my mother?
No, not in the slightest.  I love my mother, but never found her particularly attractive, nor was I particularly close to her.  I do not identify with her at all, in terms of my feminine expression.

Do I prefer soft, silky clothing?
Sometimes.  Don’t most genetic women?  I prefer that which makes me feel most feminine.  Soft, silky and comfortable are preferable, but I have a strong preference for certain styles and colors (noticeable in my photos). The feel of clothing is not as much a factor as how I look in them.

Am I attracted to female clothing…
I am more attracted to a woman dressed in a manner that I consider to be desirable (presentation, style, etc.).  I look at some women’s clothing and have a strong desire to wear them, and also see my wife wearing them, too, but I can’t say I’m attracted to the clothing itself.

…or the idea of being sexually appealing?
I do very much like the idea of being attractive in my feminine form.  Don’t most genetic women want to be seen as attractive or “sexually appealing”?  Not all do, but I think you understand my meaning. My style-preference is toward more sexy looks and I exercise daily and work hard to shape my body so that I can pull off those looks.

I think it is important to mention
My feminine form is far preferable to my male, but even in guy-mode, I put more emphasis on, and take the time to look good as a man, than most do. In the 90’s, when I was still in self-denial about being trans, I pumped iron, bulking up to achieve a muscular physique in an effort to appear attractive and “sexually appealing” in a masculine form. It’s important to keep things in perspective – the desire to be attractive and sexually appealing is pretty universal, and is not unique to transgender folk, or even genetic women. It’s common for people to view transgenderism, in its many forms, as if it is a unique category with its own separate reasoning and psychology. The reality is, most humans share very similar psychological reasoning, in terms of the desire to feel attractive and be seen as attractive by others.

Am I attracted more to a feminine or masculine woman?
Feminine, definitely.  I’ve always been highly attracted to ultra-feminine women – those who have longer, well maintained hair, put great care into their makeup, have painted nails, wear form-fitting clothes, have nice curves, and an overall highly feminine presence.  I’m not against women not wearing makeup or not choosing to appear highly “feminine”, but it isn’t sexually appealing to me (not being highly feminine).

Self-attaction
It wasn’t mentioned directly, but I think it may have been the goal, at least in part, of the “the idea of being a sexually appealing or soft female” question. Self-attraction is a pretty lengthy discussion point in itself. Like crossdressing, it is also often viewed as some kind of strange, deviant behavior. Without delving too much into actual topic of how self-attraction works and the fact that it is fairly common (among genetic women, not just crossdressers), I’m not shy about addressing it.

Am I attracted to myself? Most certainly not in my male form. In my feminine form; as a tgirl however, yes I am… sometimes, anyway. There are times when I look at myself in the mirror, or in photos, and think I look very attractive, and also experience a sense of attraction to my own image. Once again, it is important to keep things in perspective here. I’ve written about how my wife is attracted to herself sometimes, too. It’s not too uncommon among genetic women. As it becomes less taboo (mainly among the younger generation) for “straight” women to exhibit bisexual behavior, engaging in sexual acts with other women, the self-attraction aspect is also becoming less “weird & unmentionable” and more accepted as normal.

Replacing mystery with understanding
I hope this helps put things more in perspective and provide a little more understanding. Believe it or not, this is the “short response” to the very complex array of answers and reasoning required to properly address these questions. I could write a rather lengthy book on the complexities involved, however I currently lack the time to devote to such an undertaking.

Publishers (or any financial backer) interested in putting out a book on this topic, written by an author who truly understands the subject and has the ability to explain the vast “mysteries” with logical, comprehensive analysis – please contact me.

Got more questions?
If you (or anyone else) have more questions, please feel free to ask. One of the main objectives here has always been to provide education about the realities of crossdressing and reduce misinformation and misunderstanding. I recommend first reading through the “Crossdressing Myths” series as they will have many of the answers already spelled out.

Crossdressers: how would YOU answer these questions?
Like I said, my own preferences are not representative of all crossdressers. I invite and encourage my trans-sisters to address these questions. This is a perfect opportunity to share our similarities and differences, to learn more about ourselves and each other, and allow non-trans folk some real-world insight about the realities of things.

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21 Responses to “Dear Gabi, Why Do Men Crossdress? Many girls are just curious.”

  1. By Lynn Jones on Nov 14, 2011 | Reply

    Hi,

    A quality answer to interesting questions.

    There are various theories as to why men cross-dress. That said, there is a growing trend towards the theory that being trans – a catch all term for those of us who are cross-dressers, transvestites or transsexuals – is down to brain chemistry. Basically, we’re born this way ;-)

    Do some trans folk prefer a certain look? Yes, some do. Take away the trans element of the equation and think about your female friends. Do you have a friend who lives in jeans, someone who can’t give up her heels or someone who doesn’t give a hoot so long as it’s comfy? So it is with trans people too.

    Lynn
    x

    ps: Welcome back Gabi ;-)

  2. By Gabrielle on Nov 14, 2011 | Reply

    Thanks for chiming in, Lynn. :) I agree wholeheartedly with the brain chemistry assessment. We are all the sum of the electrical and chemical processes in our brains (to use the simplest way of stating it). There are many things that are just wired a certain way by design, or “when we’re born”, with continually growing scientific evidence supporting it. As we grow, the brain learns, and is shaped by our experiences in the ways that the groundwork gray-matter foundation we started out with can facilitate. Just like some people are naturally artistic and will excel in their artistic creations, and some will not, regardless of how much effort they put into it because their brains are not wired that way. I’ve watched countless documentaries that have explored the human mind on this very level, and I’m sure you have too (and/or maybe done a good bit of reading as well). Truly fascinating stuff… which I should probably not get too much deeper into, as I will do the text-version of talking everyone’s ear off about it.

    I also love your second point about personal looks and style – the friend who lives in jeans, or can’t give up her heels. Great perspective – simple, logical and true.

    And thank you for the warm welcome back, Lynn. :)

  3. By Davida-Rochelle on Nov 14, 2011 | Reply

    Thank you, I just read your response. It does seem that you are more observant about women’s clothing than the average male. But I must disagree with you about girls’ clothing choices. Not all are into soft or silky or even revealing items; otherwise that is all the fashion industry would make. Again you seem to be focused on female clothing that is associated with being sexually enticing. Many females literally live in jeans and t-shirts or sweats. By the way you are very pretty as a girl, but please be careful about not overdoing the makeup. Is your goal to “look believable” or to “stand out” as a woman? Davida-Rochelle

  4. By Gabrielle on Nov 14, 2011 | Reply

    You’re welcome, Davida-Rochelle. :) You bring up important points and questions that I failed to address in my write up. As a result, I may have left the wrong impression in some areas.

    You’re absolutely right
    Your disagreement is noted, and you’re right. Not all women are into soft, silky or revealing items. My comment, “Sometimes. Don’t most genetic women?” was sloppy wording on my part. I was trying to convey that many genetic women also prefer soft, silky clothing, understanding that many also do not, and did so in way that sent the wrong message in my poor choice of words. Sorry about that.

    Semantics, misleading imagery, and lack of context
    My personal style preference is indeed focused on the sexy end of the female clothing spectrum. I’m not sure I would call it “sexually enticing”, specifically, although that is arguably how many people describe form-fitting, revealing clothes, short skits, and high heels. This is failure on my part to properly explain my style, rather than just make note of it visibly. The result of that failure puts me neatly into one of the many crossdressing cliches that I dislike so much – the whole “crossdreser running around in a super-short miniskirt that no real woman would be caught dead in out in public” thing. In stating that cliche, I’m not implying that is how *you* personally feel about my personal style in particular. It is however, one of many popular cliches about crossdressers, that there is some truth to. A quick trip to flickr.com will back that up – there is no shortage of trans-folk sporting miniskirts… and for all intents and purposes, I’m one of them.

    What many call “sexually enticing”, and many others may even call “slutty” or “inappropriate dress”, period, many others, myself included, will call, “simply stunning”, “sexy”, and “beautiful”. Beauty *is* in the eye of the beholder. A couple of years ago, I wrote about my frustration with how what was considered popular fashion and beautiful style by the mainstream in the 1990’s, now has the bad reputation of being seen as “slutty” and “hooker-ware”. I can’t link to that article in a comment, but I’ve added it to the “related content” links at the end of the post. It’s called: “When Did ‘Sexy’ Become ‘Slutty’ and Why?”.

    My personal choice in sexy clothing is really not much related to my being trans so much is it is just my personal preference, period. I understand that if I go out into public dressed as I am in most of my photos, I will draw unwanted, negative attention. I tone it way down when I go out into public (unless just taking a drive). I do not have any misconceptions of how “real women look and dress”.

    My feminine appearance is how *I* want to look and not an attempt to emulate other women or popular style
    This is mentioned in my “about” page, but I really should have mentioned it directly in my write-up when addressing my personal style. A very popular misconception about crossdressers is that they dress how they *think* real women look, or perhaps how women look to them, or how they feel real women *should* look. While again, in some cases, this is exactly the motivation for some crossdressers in their personal style, in many more cases, crossdressers, myself included, simply dress in styles that appeal to them, period. In this respect, I am very much *not* like the majority of crossdressers (the non-fetish dressers, to be specific). I am aware of today’s style and fashion trends among women, but most of them do not appeal to me. I’m not dressing up to appear as today’s contemporary women look, I’m dressing up in a style that I most like. My style is not now, nor is it likely to be any time soon, consistent with current fashion trends. As much as I loved how many women dressed in the early 90’s, with their form-fitting short dresses and skirts, I wouldn’t even call my style a throw-back to then. I’ve long had a love for styles and looks that are often in line with “Gothic” dress. About a decade ago, I had several Gothic friends, men and women, who dressed in ways that would, and *did* draw much attention out in public. They were some of the coolest, nicest, creative-minded people I’ve known, too. I didn’t care much for male Gothic style, but I really loved many of the female Gothic styles… sadly I was still well-embedded in self-denial about my being trans at the time. Anyway, my point is that my **motivation** for dressing the way I do is not to emulate genetic women or to blend in with the crowd, or to send out the wrong sexual messages, but rather to simply look the way that feels right to *me*. I feel great about myself when I’m dressed up all sexy, wearing too much eyeliner. I really do. I don’t feel as good about myself when I tone down my look in order to better blend in out in public. Even so, I understand that the best way to *not* draw unwanted, negative attention out in public is to do just that.

    Like I said though, those Gothic types, none of whom I met were trans, dress like that every day. It is their *normal* state of attire. They’re not trying to be anything other than who they are, and dress in a way that feels right to them. It’s not a fetish thing (again, not to *most* Gothics, and not to any that I spent time with), it’s just how they feel best about themselves in terms of outward appearance. The same applies to me, and a smaller segment of transgender individuals (in terms of motivation for personal appearance).

    There is no shortage of scantly-clad genetic women on flickr.com
    In my mention of flickr.com being filled with crossdressers in miniskirts, it should also be pointed out that there seems to be just as many, if not more genetic women/girls posting photos of themselves in very revealing attire. Again, remove the trans element from the equation, and you’re left with plenty of people who want to show off their beauty to the world, and do just that in their flickr.com offerings. Not all show off as much skin, but I’m making note of the ones that do to illustrate the point that it’s not just a trans-thing – it’s a human-thing (and admittedly, usually a vanity thing).

    Wrapping up as my time has run out (for the night)
    I wish I had more time to properly address your additional questions and some of the other holes that bother me about my initial post, but unfortunately my crossdressing powers do not extend into the realm of time manipulation. :( Please continue the conversation with myself and trans-sisters who chime in here. We may not agree on personal style or what one’s personal style says about themselves, but I’m most concerned about understanding and breaking down the walls of “mystery” that often surround crossdressers, and I think that’s what your initial curiosity was about, too. I’ll apologize in advance should there be a lot of type-o’s in this long comment… no time to proof. On to the stationary bike for me…

  5. By Davida-Rochelle on Nov 14, 2011 | Reply

    I know ladies who grew up in “Mainland” China where lack of conformity in dress or beliefs is still shocking (and potentially dangerous.) Sad that in the USA “different” often equals “distrust.” So for you is it like Halloween where it is more accepted to dress-up and act like a fantasy character? By the way some religious groups today still forbid women from wearing pants and other “masculine-type” clothes, and expect clear differentiations between the sexes. Personally I love the color “pink” and was never a “tomboy.” Being paid as a SAG actress is my stress release and way to be paid to “feel differently” because of my “character” and “costume.” Many male actors I am sure feel the same way. Davida-Rochelle

  6. By Lynn Jones on Nov 15, 2011 | Reply

    It does seem that you are more observant about women’s clothing than the average male…

    That’s because we’re trans and we have an interest – and possibly, an eye for fashion. If a trans friend says “That’s a lovely top you have on”, he’s not just being nice, he has noticed and means it.

    Do some trans folk were short skirts and killer heels? Yes, and for some, that’s all they like to wear. There’s nothing wrong with dressing that way if they wish to.

    Equally, there are more ‘everyday’ trans folk. I think what twists the typical view of TG people is that many of the images are taken on nights out… where people are glammed up.

    In the same way my wife might wear a fancy dress or skinny jeans + boots for a girls’ night out, so to will she dress down during the day.

    The same can be said of a lot of trans folk. For daytime, it tends to be jeans, flats (shoes or boots) and clothing to help you blend in.

    May I ask you a question: why the interest? :-)

  7. By Gabrielle on Nov 15, 2011 | Reply

    Is it like Halloween or role playing when I dress en femme?
    No, not at all. As Gabrielle I’m exploring life as the me that society would never allow me to be – the me that never had any kind of real outlet until I was already well beyond my youthful years and into mid-age. As Gabrielle I can relax, fem-out, and be the beautiful, feminine person that I always longed to be, but was never allowed. I can’t say that my “natural” state is comparable to that of a genetic woman – there are plenty of things I have to work at to be feminine. Whatever my natural state is/was, I can only tell you that it certainly was never masculine enough (as a man) to please the ever so judgmental world around me. So as Gabrielle, I am very much existing in a way that I’ve always longed to be, at least to an extent. I’m not “acting” as Gabrielle, or roll playing. I’m just enjoying what I refer to as “quality me time”.

    It’s kind of similar to the Gothic folks I brought up before. To people who have not been exposed to Gothic style before, it might seem like they are dressed up for Halloween or acting out some kind of role playing thing, but they’re not. That’s just how they like to dress and look, and to be honest, most of the Gothic women I’ve seen are drop dead gorgeous to me! It’s a personal preference thing, but what many people might find as strange, bizarre fashion choices, from pale makeup to elegant, form-fitting black dresses that one might expect to see a b-movie vampiress wearing, I personally find very attractive.

    I clearly remember watching reruns of The Munsters as a kid, wondering why women never dressed or looked like Lily Munster. Silly as it might sound, I thought she was so beautiful and had quite a crush on the character. I understood TV characters weren’t real and I knew that the Munsters were supposed to be a comedic “monster” family, but Marilyn, the “normal” Munster wasn’t appealing to me at all – Lily was the bombshell to me. The relevance here is establishing my own personal style choices and preferences as rather unique for a tgirl, let alone most genetic women.

    The color pink
    This is one thing that often puts me apart from many trans folk. I’m not a fan of pink or any bright or pastel colors at all. I don’t look down on anyone for liking pink, genetic female or tgirl – I’m only stating that it is not a desirable color to me. My favorite color is black and I tend to wear a lot of black and neutral or darker colors. It drives my wife crazy that I just don’t like bright colors. She always wants me to wear something bright and colorful as Gabrielle. She’ll often comment on women’s clothing in magazines, online or while shopping, “You’d look really nice in this… but I know, I know. You gotta have something ‘black’.”, then she rolls her eyes. lol

    Characters, costumes, acting and stress relief
    When I was in high school, I was very active in theater. I wasn’t much of an actor, but I tried and absolutely loved the experiences. It was a lot of fun stepping into the role of various characters and creating a little fictional world on stage in front of a live audience. What a rush… what an amazing natural high I used to get from performing live. Exciting and stimulating as it was, it was a very different excitement and stimulation than what I experience as Gabrielle. Gabrielle doesn’t feel like I’m stepping into the role of someone else, but rather stepping into *me*. If I were to perform on stage, playing a female character as Gabrielle, that would be a different story. I’m sure that would bring back the excitement and stimulation I remember from years ago, and no doubt, the excitement would be greatly enriched by me (as Gabrielle) playing a feminine character. Everything I enjoy in life is literally enhanced and made better when experienced as Gabrielle.

    One more thing about Halloween
    Halloween is often touted as “the crossdressers holiday”. It is the one day of the year when crossdressers can go out into public en femme in relative obscurity and safety, without fear of ridicule or harm. To most people, seeing a crossdresser on Halloween is just like seeing “some dude dressed up like a girl as his costume”. I, on the other hand, would never go out on Halloween dressed up as Gabrielle, as in “Gabrielle” being my costume. Such a notion that me, being me, is a costume is rather insulting. I could go out on Halloween as Gabrielle the vampiress, or Gabrielle the pirate, or Gabrielle the sexy zombie (brains… BRAAAAAAINS!) because those are simply female costume choices. “Gabrielle” is not a costume, though. Maybe that is how other people see it on the rare occasions when I do venture out into public – there is *always* some laughter (and yes, I mean even when wearing minimal eye makeup and not showing much skin at all). But Gabrielle is not a costume. She’s not a character. She’s just me. “Gabe” (guy-mode) is more of a costume and facade than Gabrielle will every be, trust me.

    For the record, I don’t have a problem with crossdressers who enjoy a “free” night out on Halloween. I’m glad people can find a good outlet in that opportunity. It’s just that I’d need to be in an actual (female) costume if I were ever to leave the house on Halloween as Gabrielle.

  8. By Davida-Rochelle on Nov 16, 2011 | Reply

    To Lynn, I have always been very curious and analytical. I usually like asking lots of questions when I don’t easily understand something. Working in Hollywood and Las Vegas, and having a reputation of being non-judgmental, I have met many people, actors and others, who think and behave very differently from me. And I have been able to share my knowledge with others.

  9. By Davida-Rochelle on Nov 16, 2011 | Reply

    I must apologize in advance if I offend anyone with my questions but I would like to get more personal. If I were in a romantic situation with a T-girl would it be different than if I were with a man? Would a crossdresser really want a bisexual woman? Or is it just “play-acting” in bed? I think girls’ biggest fears if their men “dress” is that the physical relationship would change. And I must add that there are many recent movies that show genetic men dressing or even playing females. (What do you think of J. Edgar?) Davida-Rochelle

  10. By lynnd on Nov 16, 2011 | Reply

    Davida – Hello, I am a GG (genetic girl), and wanted to respond to your last comment. But first I have to say that Gabrielle and Lynn are two wonderful people to get thoughtful and balanced information from. I read Lynn’s blog every week and I wish Gabrielle had more time to write.

    Back to your question about a more romantic situation with a CD. My SO(significant other), I am too old to say boyfriend, cross-dresses. He is heterosexual. But when he is dressed as a woman I guess you could say he feels like a lesbian. He still wants to be with a woman, but he also wants to feel like a woman, to me he expresses that by wanting to be more passive in bed. Even his facial expressions change to me. So I guess my not so short answer to your question is yes, a CD would like a bisexual woman. In a way it is just play, as he is not a woman, but it is not just play because those are his true feelings. In the end it all depends on your particular mate/CDer, their tastes and behaviors differ as much as everyone else.

    As for fears about the relationship changing, again that depends on the individual people in the relationship. As I said, my SO does change his personality a bit when dressed. In all honesty, for me, sometimes this is a problem. When we both want to be the “girl” in the relationship I feel like I am competing with him and I get frustrated. But it is just a matter of communication and give and take, like any relationship.

    P.S. I saw something recently about J Edgar, he was not a cross-dresser, he was gay and had a long term relationship.

  11. By Gabrielle on Nov 16, 2011 | Reply

    Lynn Jones
    “That’s because we’re trans and we have an interest – and possibly, an eye for fashion. If a trans friend says “That’s a lovely top you have on”, he’s not just being nice, he has noticed and means it.”

    Excellent point, Lynn. Most men will never really appreciate the things a woman does to look attractive – her clothes, accessories, makeup, etc. Transgenders however, do indeed notice and admire everything about a women – especially clothes and makeup. There is no more genuine compliment a genetic woman can receive than from a crossdresser. We really do notice AND *appreciate* all that a women does to look attractive and stylish.

    “Equally, there are more ‘everyday’ trans folk. I think what twists the typical view of TG people is that many of the images are taken on nights out… where people are glammed up.”

    I’m so glad you brought this up! To be even a bit more generic about it, most photos tgirls post are of them dressed to the 9’s mainly because we’re trying to show our best looks. Not many tgirls, or genetic women, for that matter, will spend much time showing *themselves* off to the world in sweats and a t-shirt.

    Davida-Rochelle
    “I must apologize in advance if I offend anyone with my questions but I would like to get more personal.”

    Nothing you’ve said has been taken in offense by me. I can’t speak for anyone else, but so long as questions are not asked with disparaging intent, which I do no believe yours are, I really don’t mind them at all. As I’ve said before – I’m not shy about who I am or answering the “tough questions”. I understand the curiosity factor and hope that this dialogue has helped to form a better understanding of things.

    “If I were in a romantic situation with a T-girl would it be different than if I were with a man? Would a crossdresser really want a bisexual woman? Or is it just “play-acting” in bed? I think girls’ biggest fears if their men “dress” is that the physical relationship would change.”

    Like pretty much everything else, this varies *greatly* from one to the next. I like to be treated like a lady. Like I said before, as a tgirl, I’m basically a lipstick lesbian… obviously equipped a little differently. Having sex is not toned down in the slightest – I’m not submissive or passive as Gabrielle (again, this differs with everyone). When my wife and I make love (me as Gabrielle), it’s physically very much the way a man and woman have sex, and there are never complaints on either side. I do not say that in a bragging sense at all – it’s just a matter of fact. My point is that nothing is lost, and if anything, there’s more of an explosive intensity to the whole thing. It’s not “play-acting” at all – it is **pure love** expressed in a very natural, physical way. Without getting too graphic, some of the way we touch each other is different – it’s more feminine on both sides (if that makes any sense), but neither one of us becomes shy or less aggressive or anything like that. I think enough of the picture has been painted by me on that.

    Lynn D
    “I have to say that Gabrielle and Lynn are two wonderful people to get thoughtful and balanced information from. I read Lynn’s blog every week and I wish Gabrielle had more time to write.”

    Thank you so much for your compliments! :) Yes, Lynn’s blog is always a great read, and she keeps up with it very nicely. I strongly recommend you give it a look some time, Davida-Rochelle. Bet her fun sharing style puts a smile on your face! And I sincerely wish I had more time on my hands, Lynn D. This rather long post represents my ENTIRE allotment of “free time” for this evening… speaking of which, I am running late and must wrap up. I can’t believe how quickly the time escapes me. :(

    Thank you so much for sharing a little about your relationship with your significant other. It really helps to illustrate the diversity in all trans folk, and also shows something very important – the human factor. Every relationship has its own set of complications in addition to the rewards. Those complications are not necessarily related to the trans element, because one need not be in a relationship with a transgender to experience complications. ;) But sometimes the trans element can create a certain level of friction in a relationship, just like anything. Whether the relationship works or fails depends more on how much love and compatibility is shared. If there is not enough compatibility, period, then the relationship will ultimately fail. If the love is strong and compatibility far reaching enough, then there’s a good chance the couple will be just like any other happy couple and enjoy a long, mutually beneficial and rewarding relationship.

  12. By Lynn Jones on Nov 17, 2011 | Reply

    Many thanks for the kind words, Gabi & Lynn D.

    > Would a crossdresser really want a bisexual woman?

    I think it really depends on the individual in question. Would a guy or a women want a bi partner? If said partner was loving and kind, why not? I’m not so sure the trans element would affect the relationship, at least from a TG’s point of view. Dare I say, it may be more how you feel about a TG partner. The whole trans package is a lot deeper than just clothes and trying to look pretty. :-)

  13. By Gabrielle on Nov 17, 2011 | Reply

    Nicely said, Lynn. :)

  14. By Sam on Jan 24, 2012 | Reply

    I read this article and cried – everything you said is how I feel and have to date been unable to share. I so wish that I could express myself and feel free to wear what I want to wear and be who I want to be.

    Many thanks for taking the time to write the article its been a wonderful read – and you look amazing.

  15. By Ken on Jan 30, 2012 | Reply

    Hello Gabrielle

    I am like you, a transgendered woman. I have never known any other feelings.

    I do not like pants either. A attractive skirt and top work fine for me. I am not very good at makeup and my wife does help. She accepts me as her best friend and partner.

    In public I am not aware of my earrings and shoes. So there is not angst. Sometimes I feel out of place in a top or skirt, but I never have any problem with anyone. Many women tell me they like my earrings and shoes and I thank them for their appreciation. Sometimes we discuss where I bought my clothes and I reply in a normal and confortable tone.

    I feel more comfortable around women than men, perhaps because men have something to prove but that does not stop me from being thier friend.

    I did notice that gay men can be my friend, often trying to protect me, but they cannot understand what a transgendered man feels like.
    I don’t understand what gay feels like also, so we keep it at friendship.

    One woman asked why TG men would want to wear womens clothes. Would they like to wear mens clothes? TG men can see the beauty and fashion in clothes and wearing them makes you feel complete. There is no sexual excitement about it at all. It’s just the feeling that your clothes reflect the real person inside.

  16. By Danica on Feb 15, 2012 | Reply

    Hi everyone,
    I am a virgin to all of this but for me crossdressing gives me a freedom of my inner self, I have always loved women,womens’ fashion, love song’s etc… and very much enjoy the experience of femininty so much that I dread when I have to go back to my male self and go home to my wife (who I would love to tell) but can’t..she is not ready, I have been testing the water in this area. I have been making myself more feminine by shaving and plucking eyebrows I am taking small steps in regards to going pout in public takes alot of guts (I to have been laughed at..it sucks) anyone who can do this I admire. I got a little of trac but I accept myself and who I am but society does not, We need need to start clubs where can all meet and just enjoy and help each other..ther is so much demand for this as I see from reading the internet sites and meeting some Xdressers (I have only been doing this maybe 8 months). My next venture is to go to a club en femme after I learn more how to becom more feminine (it is very difficult to master. I have so much to ask and express on my new journey it is overwelming. Time to say goodbye til next time.

    Love,
    Danica

  17. By Wildfire on Sep 29, 2012 | Reply

    I have to answer this also. Why do men crossdress. And many women are curious. What is crossdressing to wear the other sex clothes. Partly or fully. Two to feel comfortable in your surroundings. Three you be accepted and not be called freak. Or werido. Four to wear what you wish to wear. Girls can be tomboys alot. But men can be pretty and wear that dress or gown in public. If out be judge. Or have emotional scars if so one, tried criticized. Y

    You have to ask them if wear pants or style clothing is the same as a male crossdressing. And wonder who is the crossdress the man or woman.

  18. By Bertie on Nov 12, 2012 | Reply

    Hello Gabi ..and all
    I find these comments very interesting. I am a female as I said but go by the name of “Bertie” to reflect my male side. I like men, I’m not gay or bisexual but I am different to other girls, you see I enjoy being masculine in a relationship, not that I want a genetic woman as such, but I seem to have a more masculine energy when it comes to “getting down” and my beautiful transvestite partner is also not gay, and wasn’t particularly looking for a bisexual woman either . I can be very very female and dress accordingly its just that I love making my partner feel feminine as well, and I do this by helping him dress, putting make up on him, and then letting my male side out. I don’t treat him as a dominant woman would but as a man would treat a woman, and he loves it. I still maintain that I am not gay or bisexual and I don’t like other women, I like being the man in our relationship. Sounds a bit strange I know.

  19. By Gabrielle on Nov 12, 2012 | Reply

    Thanks for Sharing, Bertie. :) It falls outside the “traditional”, but it doesn’t sound strange to me. It sounds like you two have a beautiful, loving relationship. Each of you have the courage to be yourselves and the rewards for doing so are pretty obvious.

    How many people out there choose to conform to “tradition” at the cost of their own happiness? People *willfully* giving up their opportunity to be happy in life? Now THAT sounds strange to me.

  20. By James on Dec 12, 2012 | Reply

    I have (what I consider) a neat little way to explain to people why I cross dress.

    I used it first on my Dad:

    Me: “You know that sweater you wear a lot?”

    Dad: “Yes.”

    “If someone were to ask you ‘Why do you wear that sweater?’, what would you say to them>”

    “I’d probably tell them to mind their own business.”

    “Seriously now, come on.”

    “I’d say ‘Because I like it’.”

    “And why do you like it?”

    “I like the patterns on it, I like the way it looks on me, I feel comfortable in it, it keeps me warm.”

    “Exactly. Now just apply that logic to the miniskirt I’m wearing.”

    “That miniskirt won’t keep you warm though.”

    “You have a point there.”

    Instant understanding :).

  21. By Judith on Feb 4, 2014 | Reply

    Those who work with the elderly and the dying such as hospice I read report this.The number one regret of was not spending enough time with the family.The number two regret was not doing what they really wanted to do or be because of what society would think.I agree I am trying to be what I want to be at this stage in my life so that when my time comes I will have no regrets.I hope this coment has helped someone.

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