Tag Archives: coming out

One Year Ago, I Came Out to My Wife a Second Time – As a Trans Woman

Gabrielle 2013 tears to 2014 smiles

On November 16, 2013, after returning home from a transgender support group in Syracuse, I revealed to my wife that need to transition. This came long after I had figured out it was the only way to save my own life. Explaining this to my wife was terrifying. It was the most difficult conversation I’ve ever had. There was a lot of crying – most of it mine. I think both our hearts broke that night. I know mine sure did. It wasn’t just my heart that broke… I broke, period.

Unlike when I came out to my wife as a “crossdresser” in 2008, coming out as a trans woman in 2013 didn’t go so well. She doesn’t consider herself a lesbian and doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman (or trans woman).
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Talking to Teens and Coming Out to Mom

Gabrielle and MomLast week, Thursday was a day of teaching, personal growth, and another adventure in coming out. It started out with an early morning SafeZone presentation at a local high school.

Along with two other speakers, I was deployed by the GAGV, to educate teenage students about LGBTQ realities, share our personal stories and struggles, and answer questions. The school’s health teacher requested the presentation. There was a complete lack LGBTQ coverage within the standard curriculum in my school days (back in the 1980’s). This is, unfortunately, still pretty much the standard today. It’s promising to know there are such forward thinking teachers working hard to offer more of a real-world and well rounded education, above and beyond the status quo.

Talking, sharing, educating
Matthew (not his real name), a well spoken and very stylish gay man in his 30’s (who runs a local gay youth group) started out the presentation with a general overview things, and then we each told our personal stories. I went first, followed by Linda (not her real name), an attractive 30-something lesbian, and then Matthew. Having only met Linda and Matthew for the first time only minutes before the presentation, it was really interesting to hear their stories.

After sharing our personal stories, Matthew did a superb job explaining aspects of LGBTQ people that are often confusing to “straight” folk. The social structure in high school can be pretty brutal and restricting. As a result, teenage students may be reluctant to ask questions (verbally, in front of the class) out of fear of ridicule by their peers. We asked them to write down their questions on a piece of paper and place it in a basket that was passed around the room.

Getting shy teenagers to open up
During our first of two presentations, very few questions ended up in the basket. For the second presentation, I added, “I’d like everyone to please write down something and place it into the basket. If you don’t have a question, then write down the name of your favorite band.” That seemed to work better now that every student was expected to write something. There were several good questions submitted by the second class… and a few favorite bands.
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Dear Gabi, Discovered by Wife… HELP!

Dear Gabi,

Thanks for your page, I will be back to visit. I have dressed off/on since 5 years old. In an off phase went dated and married.

Had gotten back into and understand and accept now that it is part of me and great stress relief. Almost cost me my job due to poor reaction to stress.

I was trying to decide how to talk with my wife about it and left a journal site open. Now she knows before I was quite ready. I have seen your How to Tell Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser page but am looking for any other help tips there might be. If you have any, thanks.

I haven’t looked at everything here but your en femme pictures are awesome, you make very nice looking woman. If I can get half as cute as you I will be happy.

Good luck and enjoy in the future.

Sincerely,

Georgette
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Dear Gabi, Should I Tell My Parents I’m a Crossdresser?

Dear Gabi,

I am a crossdresser and I am really anxious about my parents finding out. Should I tell them or just keep hiding it?

Anonymous

 


 
Gabrielle HermosaDear Anonymous,

Deciding whether to tell your parents about being a crossdresser or keeping it a secret can be a tough call. The anxiety felt in being discovered is very understandable – I was once there myself.

What is right for one, may not be for another and this is a decision that you must make for yourself. In the end, telling your parents will probably work out much better for you than being discovered or caught by them.

There are many things to consider before discussing with your parents. I suggest you give serious thought to the following:
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Vlog #3: Thanksgiving, Coming Out, and Horror Movies

vlog 3 video currently offline
NOTE: I took the video offline, see below.

To my American friends, happy Thanksgiving, 2009, a day early. To friends around rest of the world, happy November 26, a day early. Holiday or not, I hope everyone enjoys the company of friends, family and good food.

This is vlog entry #3 – a (mostly) Thanksgiving themed video that is bit experimental in presentation. In a departure from grainy phone video, this one was recorded on a standard resolution video camera and features a few basic but fun visual effects.
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Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 3)

Ready to Go Out This photo was taken just before leaving for my high school reunion, August 22, 2009. I snapped it in the bathroom, facing the big mirror where I apply my makeup - the lighting there always does my face justice. :)This is the third and final installment of attending my high school class reunion as Gabrielle. If you haven’t read part 1 and part 2 yet, I encourage you to do so before continuing.

A quick recap
Longing to get out in public and interact with people as Gabrielle, I attended my high class school reunion en femme. The photo to the right was taken just before leaving the house that evening. I was terribly nervous and it took me a while to find my stride, but eventually I hooked up with some old friends and wound up having a great time. I also found myself very much out of the closet to many more people than I was comfortable with.

In the days following the reunion, the realization of being “out” to so many people wreaked havoc on my emotional stability as I pondered all the terrible things that may come as a result. After some time, I realized that I was over-reacting and simply experienced some instability as a result of taking such big first steps out like that.

The experience changed me. Many fears were conquered that evening. The insecurities that followed have been properly dealt with and bother me no more. I’ve made some wonderful advances in my growth and evolution as a person. There were also some considerable failures on my part that evening – signs of how far I have yet to go.
Continue reading Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 3)

Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 2)

insecuritiesThis is part 2 of attending my high school class reunion as Gabrielle, and reflection upon what took place immediately following. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, I encourage you to do so before continuing.

A quick recap
The opportunity to transform into Gabrielle was present on the day of my high school class reunion. Longing to get out of the house, into the world, and be among people as Gabrielle, I decided to attend my class reunion en femme.

Things were off to a bumpy start after arriving. Extremely nervous and full of insecurities, I clumsily fumbled my way through for a while. In time, I hooked up with some old friends and began to find my stride. I didn’t reveal who my man-side was, but they figured it out on their own. Unintentionally out of the closet and among accepting friends, my enjoyment level was through the roof. I felt invincible, though still a bit awkward at the same time.

As the reunion came to an end, my classmates invited me to meet up with them afterward at a local bar. Ready to take on the world, I accepted and headed out to meet them, en femme, in a town that is not exactly friendly toward people like me.
Continue reading Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 2)