About a month ago, I attended my high school class reunion as Gabrielle. A picture is worth a thousand words, but this one is a bit misleading. You may see a happy t-girl, having a good time and enjoying herself among old high school friends and classmates. In reality, that was not the exactly case, at least not at the time the photo was taken. The smile was forced and I was terribly nervous. I did end up having a good time after loosening up, but the evening was not all fun and games. Nor was it a smart move on my part to show up en femme, unprepared as I was on many fronts.
I’ve been pushing myself and trying to make progress in this aspect of my life. Though I’ve gone for drives en femme, ordered fast food at the drive-thru, and even gone for short walks in isolated areas, I had yet to be out among, and interact with people as Gabrielle – a vital part of my personal growth and evolution. With few exceptions, everyone has a need to be out in the world. For many of us, that includes being out in the world in our feminine form. Prior to this outing, I often felt like I was all dressed up with no place to go as Gabrielle.
An opportunity of convenience
With the opportunity to get all dressed up and my class reunion taking place on the same day, why not attend en femme? The location was in a good area. People dress up nicely for these things, so I shouldn’t stand out as being over-dressed for the occasion. It would allow me the chance to finally be out among and interact with people as Gabrielle in a semi-controlled and relatively safe environment. It was long overdue that I made some progress on this front after having ventured out several times before only to remain in my car (out of fear of being harmed).
Taking those first steps
It was around 9:00 PM or so when I arrived at the reunion. Things were starting to wind down and some people were already leaving as I drove around to scope out the area before parking down the road. I sat and went over everything in my head for at least 20 minutes before finally drumming up enough courage to get out of the car. With a final makeup and hair check, I stepped outside the comfort and safety of my car, composed myself, and headed down the road to the building entrance about 30 yards away. This seemed crazy and my mind filled with doubts as I walked down the road alone in the dark.
Here goes nothing
I entered the building and made my way to the party room, passing a few people on the way. Judging by their facial expressions (people I walked by), I was immediately read, but they just looked away quickly and there were no adverse reactions.
The DJ music was pretty loud. The catering service was picking up remnants of food served earlier. People were up and about, mingling, laughing, drinking, dancing, and having a good time. Looking around, my eyes could not identify any familiar faces. Two women were chatting with each other nearby so I asked if this was my class reunion. After a brief moment of surprise on their faces as they made eye contact with me, they confirmed. Again, t-girls are not the norm around here and they knew immediately I was genetically male.
Unprepared for a simple little question
The women in the doorway were both kind to me as we conversed briefly. It felt odd talking with them as Gabrielle. My femme voice is terrible, but masked slightly by the loud music. Though I tried to smile and act “normal” (whatever that is), I was very nervous. One of the women asked my name and I offered my femme name. It was difficult to hear with the loud music and when she repeated my name back to confirm, a different name was spoken. She misunderstood me, but I confirmed my name as the other name rather than correct her. I went by the other name (not Gabrielle) for the rest of the evening. Then she asked me who she knew me as years ago in high school. I wasn’t prepared to offer that information and the question caught me off guard. Why was I here? What was I expecting? I believed, in part, that my male identity would simply remain a mystery to people that night. Not exactly a realistic expectation, but very little thought was put into this ahead of time.
Exit stage left
What happened to my inexhaustible ability to conquer the world? If I was once Superman… er, Super T-girl, someone surely snuck some kryptonite into my purse because whatever shred of self-confidence I was still clinging to left me. My mannerisms took on that of an adolescent girl who was trying to act all cute and bashful in order to get out of an uncomfortable situation… only I can’t say it fit me well. I felt like a fool. The women were ok with me not sharing my man-name. I spoke to one of them for a while longer, and then took a few quick photos with my phone cam, the best of which you see up top. Time to get out of here before I make a total ass of myself.
Maybe just a little longer
My nerves were telling me to leave now, but my feet were not moving. A few more people approached me over the next several minutes. After a brief exchange with each, I continued to refuse requests for my male identity, behaving overly shy each time.
Another woman approached. I barely knew her in school, but she remained with me for a while and we enjoyed some pleasant conversation. She asked if I intended to “go all the way” (have a sex change). I laughed and explained more about who I am (as a crossdresser and part time t-girl). She told me I looked “rockin'” (referring to my outfit). The compliment lit me up with a great big smile and offered a nice ego boost. Unfortunately I did not take any full shots of me that evening. Aside from the lighting not doing my face justice, the rest of me did look rather nice. I was wearing a black miniskirt (the same one in this photo), black knee-high, high-heel boots, and a sexy black clingy, sleeveless top, with a black sleeved-top that tied at the waist over it (same black cover-top as in this photo, also same boots).
I later found out she was in the final stretch of earning her Ph.D. in psychology. That worked rather well in my favor and explained why she was so comfortable approaching and chatting with me. Any well educated psychology professional fully understands that we’re not mentally ill freaks or perverts. She also encouraged me to get beyond the entrance way, go mingle, and enjoy myself. After spotting a few people I remembered as friends, I did just that, her encouragement much appreciated.
Starting to have some fun
There was a brief surprised look on the faces of my old friends when I approached. They were welcoming and we started mingling. One guy (the only male in the bunch) was a little weirded out that I seemed to know all about him while he did not know who I was, but it wasn’t much of a big deal. I kind of had some fun with that. Aside from dodging the question of my male identity yet again, I was finally just chatting with people and having a good time doing so.
The class president approached and asked who he knew me as years ago. Now living in New York City, he explained that he had “seen it all before” and was just fine with people like me. Again, I refused to give up my male identity, and we spoke briefly before I returned to my friends a few feet away. The sole male classmate of the group had a big smile on his face. He asked if I had been to a certain restaurant lately… the same restaurant that my wife and I met up with him and his wife a few years prior. He figured out my male identity. They all knew at this point. I was effectively out of the closet. To my surprise, I took it in stride. A weight lifted from my shoulders – there was no more secret to guard. Knowing exactly who I am, they continued to enjoy my company as if I was just an old friend, no different than anyone else… which is exactly how things should be.
A beautiful transformation
I was no longer some mystery t-girl who crashed the reunion. They knew me, accepted me, and seemed interested only in enjoying my company. I experienced an indescribable feeling of freedom. My brain was acting like a sponge, soaking up the potent happy-juice that was being released in intoxicating levels by my endorphins. Well aware of the many eyes upon me, people pointing and laughing from afar, and being looked at as somewhat of a freak show, I didn’t care anymore. To this group of old friends, I was just a regular, normal person. The guy who initially figured me out described my showing up en femme as “the more normal part of the evening” for him in a later e-mail conversation. There was nothing fake about this. I finally got to unwind and truly be myself among friends – we were all just having a good time, period.
“Super T-Girl” is ready to conquer the world
The class reunion was ending, so shortly after I finally got my footing and started having a good time. My friends invited me to meet up at one of the local bars afterword. The offer surprised me a little. I don’t pass. This town is not very open-minded, especially not to “differences” like mine. They obviously didn’t see any harm in my venturing out into the wild en femme. There’s safety in numbers so what could go wrong? Delighted, I accepted their offer.
While driving to the bar to meet up with the gang, I called my wife to let her know where I was going…
It doesn’t end here
There is more to share about this evening and the aftermath there of. Perhaps most interesting is what took place emotionally the next morning as certain realities sunk in.
In parts 2 and 3, I’ll discuss:
- The dangers of feeling invincible in public en femme.
- The emotional roller coaster ride experienced over the next several days.
- My accomplishments and failures.
- Some unexpected reactions from people at the reunion.
- Life outside the closet.
- My wife’s take on things.
- Lessons learned.
Continue to Class Reunion En Femme and Unprepared (part 2)
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