Personal Growth & myCDlife Status Update

Striped Mini Dress, Boots and Black TopIt’s been about a month since my last update here. Much has been going on in my life during the break from actively publishing new content.

Thank you
First off, many thanks to those of you who took the time to let me know how much you appreciate my efforts and hard work here. Also, thank you to those who have joined myCDlife via Google Friend Connect (upper-right column) and everyone who subscribes. It means so much to me and I send my love to each of you. :)

Break from writing, not from crossdressing
Based on input received, I think some people may have misunderstood my time off. I was (and will continue to some extent) taking a break from writing for this website. I was never taking a break from my crossdressing – far from it. More time has been devoted to exploration and growth in this aspect of my life.

Personal growth
On the personal front, I’ve been pushing myself and growing as a result. Not only have I gotten out in public as Gabrielle and interacted with others face to face, I’ve also come out of the closet to many people who’ve only known me as Gabe… more than I intended to, in fact. That’s quite an interesting story I’d like to share soon.

Writer’s block
Though much has happened in my life since I announced taking a break, a troublesome foe named “writer’s block” has reared its ugly head. There is no shortage of relevant things to share, but finding the time and writing it up well has been an issue as of late. Psychologically, it’s my mind telling me that I’m not ready and require more time away on that front. I’m pushing myself a little to get this down, but so far, so good.

Damage control
My insistent frequent publishing schedule took quite a toll on my personal life and I’m still picking up the pieces and trying to mend the damage. I won’t get too far into it again as I spelled out some of it in my previous post. You know the deal – my life is a very busy one and there wasn’t (and still isn’t) enough time to do it all. Sacrifices were made, and there are consequences for those choices. One cannot undo six months worth of personal-damage in just a few weeks time.

Relaxed publishing schedule
Because of time constraints and other responsibilities, new posts will probably be slow to come out for the foreseeable future. Content will be published (maybe) once a week or every other week or just whenever. I am not planning on sticking to any kind of publishing schedule for now.

Please spread the word
One of my failures with this website was (and is) the lack of time and resources devoted to promotion. If the content here has been meaningful to you and would like to see more, please share links to this site with your friends, family or anyone you feel may also enjoy and/or benefit from it. If you frequent any online communities and wouldn’t mind adding a link to this site in your signature and/or profile, I’d really appreciate the help.

What’s next?
In the immediate future, expect to see accounts of my personal growth process and hurdles faced along the way. It’s one thing to try and make a positive difference by writing and sharing knowledge online. It’s quite a different thing to get out into the world as Gabrielle and experience life as such. Sadly, this also includes experiencing society’s often poor treatment and even hatred of “social deviants” like me first hand. My brief exploration of the outside/offline world en femme so far has been awkward, empowering… and sometimes terrifying.

Most fresh in my mind is a recent experience in which employees of a popular wireless mobile phone service (who were on the clock) saw fit to openly express their hatred of me while out en femme. Getting laughed at as some kind of “crazy weirdo” is one thing, but experiencing focused hate first hand is a rather unsettling experience… which I’ll explain in more detail soon.

15 thoughts on “Personal Growth & myCDlife Status Update”

  1. All terrific news Gabrielle, and thanks for the update.

    I must encourage you to look for and share the good stuff. Yes, the haters are out there, but we tend to find what we are on the lookout for.

    Be on the lookout for, and have an expectation of great encounters. With that attitude you will be more inclined to smile, and your smile will be the thing that breaks down barriers faster than perfect make-up or a sexy pair of heels. Those help of course (and you have got ’em girl), but bring the smile and the happy expectations.

    Soon enough, the haters will figure out that they are in the minority, that they are marginalized, and that the company they keep is not the best company.

    Go Gabrielle, go!

    1. Thanks for your encouragement, Petra! :) In regard to the haters I spoke of at the end of my post – they caught me off guard. I agree that people generally tend to find that which they seek out (either consciously or subconsciously), but in this case I literally stumbled into the wrong place at the wrong time while minding my own business… somewhat surprised to have been read from several meters distance. It should make more sense when I publish that account in full.

      I’m still working on getting my public-footing, so to say. Venturing in public is a bit awkward for me yet and I think it shows to some extent. There are a plethora of emotions I need to tame – from the excitement of being out in the world as Gabrielle to the nervousness and fear I also experience. So far, my public outings have been mostly positive. :)

      The haters are in the minority, but still dangerous (or so I feel). The fear they cause me is powerful, but not overwhelming. It will be a cold day in hell before I let a few bad guys keep me stuck in my house, cowering with fear. ;)

      There is so much more yet for me to learn. I understand the complex emotions going on in me, but still need to work through them and get used to new experiences. In time, I will be more comfortable in public en femme and walk with more confidence. There is no turning back. This is me, I love who I am, and we ALL want to (and have the right to) be out in the world as ourselves. :)

  2. Take your time and please don’t rush on the posts. It’s not always about quantity, quality counts too. :)

    > openly express their hatred of me

    That’s just not right and I’m sorry you experienced that. I don’t suppose you got their names did you? >:-)

    1. I don’t think I’ll be rushing posts like I did before, Lynn. Heck – this one took me TWO weeks to finish (get back to) and publish. lol

      In terms of the wonderful anti-admires of mine, I did some reconnaissance yesterday undercover (in guy-mode). No names were gathered, nor did I initiate conversation, but I took photos of the establishment, learned that it is in fact a large mobile phone service provider, and have a rather interesting title for the post now. I also have their corporate headquarters address. I may write a letter explaining my experience to them and see if there is any response. Hate-filled comments like that are not acceptable. I cannot prove to anyone what took place, but I can inquire about their official policy on that kind of behavior, post it publicly (depending), and discuss.

  3. Just what Lynn said – don’t rush :) If you try and force the issue I imagine that the block can only get worse…

    As for your experiences… What can I say. Anyone who has the courage to venture past the front door has my respect so much. I’m sure it’s not something I’ll ever get to. Even venturing in the back garden has only happened once, and I sat under a big umbrella, and only for 5 or 10 mins!

    As for the ‘people’ (and I use the term losely) in the shop. It just beggers belief! From random people on the street I could imagine, though it’d still make my blood boil, but from shop assistants… Let the head office of the branch know…


    1. Perhaps in time you’ll venture past the “front door” as well, Stacy. It’s all up to what you want to do and what you’re comfortable with. :) I know we all have our own personal goals in life – what’s right for me is not necessarily right for the next person, and so on.

      In regard to the comment of hatred intended to intimidate me, I do plan on writing a letter to the corporate office about that. I documented my memory of the situation shortly after going home that day. I’ve written letters of dissatisfaction to companies before, but this will certainly be far more difficult to write. I’m not one to stay silent about something like this, but it needs to be dealt with very tactfully. I’ll publish the full account of what took place soon (perhaps with the company’s official statement should they respond).

  4. Enjoy your Blog Sorry to hear about the dissing you took from any much less from a business that is only after your money. I would certainly call the office and let them know not that anything will happen but you would at least I hope gat an apology
    Thanks foro the Blog Sallee

    1. Thanks, and I’m happy you’re enjoying the blog, Sallee. :) I have already started writing a letter to the company who’s employees saw fit to make it very clear I was unwelcome. It has not been easy writing, and I’m far from done. This is the most difficult “complaint” letter I’ve ever written because I’ve never been the target of hate-intimidation like this before… and explaining the circumstances is rather tricky. I don’t want their apology – it would not be sincere (meaning from the offenders). I just want the powers that be at the main office to know what took place and see what their response is.

      The experience was very unsettling, and I find myself dwelling on in, but I’m not about to let it get the best of me. As I’ve said, I’m not one to let some bullies keep me cowering with fear in my own home. I’m allowed in public places, and will exercise my right to be out. Personal safety is a concern. It shouldn’t be, but that’s the reality in my town, and probably many others.

  5. I am so uplifted to see an update and to know that you are healing and growing. Please be careful!

    How is Ms. H?


    1. @Elizabeth – Mrs. H. is doing well, thanks for asking. :) We’ve been spending more quality time together lately and its been helpful to both of us. When I go out en femme, I’m as careful as I can be. My wife always knows where I’ll be. She worries about my safety when I go out, as do I, but I can’t let fear keep me bottled up inside my house all the time. We’ve all got the right to be out in public as we are. I’ll not give up my rights as a human being because of some bullies.

      @Margueritte – Things are going well for my wife and I. :) Good luck with your own personal goals. They’re never easy to achieve, but always worth the effort invested. You can, of course, go out with your girlfriends whenever you choose already. It’s all up to your own personal comfort level.

  6. Hello Gabrielle,
    It’s Margueritte, I just love the web site and I have a link you may wish to add to the site and it’s for both genders that love wearing High heels, it’s the HHP
    I hope all is going well for you and wife and I pray that in time I’ll have my weight down and be able to look as awesome as you and and the other girls and be able to go out of the home and be with my girl friends shopping, clubbing and so on. Again thank you for the contact here.

    Equality in Fashions
    Hugs and Kisses
    San Diego,CA

  7. Hello Gabrielle–
    Having just found your site–and immersing myself in all the goodies and great info you have here, I’m terribly disappointed to be losing you so soon. But I understand completely and wish you well, hoping you’ll be back sometime in the future. We all need balance in our lives.
    I just read your articles on coming out to your wife–and they are among the most helpful things I’ve yet read about an issue that’s paramount in my mind. Thanks so much for those words. You have indeed made a difference!
    And you’re gorgeous too!
    love and best wishes-

    1. Thanks for the kind words, Gwen. :) I’m so happy my writing has had a positive impact on your life. It really means a lot to me to hear that.

      Just to be clear, I’m not going away or anything. I just lack the time to devote to my writing here. This particular post was published about a year ago. I’m not actively writing new content as I used to, but the site shall remain and I still enjoy and respond to comments visitors leave. The door is certainly not closed on publishing new content. There were several items I had in the works and never completed and several other stories of interest I still want to publish… if/when I can find the time.

      Whether or not I continue publishing, I’m still here. I hope my writing continues to reach people and open eyes, hearts and minds.

      I see you have started writing, Gwen. You can make a positive difference, too. :)

  8. I recently found your site, I just love it, I love your writing style and turn of phrase. Thanks so much for sharing your life it help a lot to see other struggling with the same things I am.

    Keep up the awesome work and stay happy!!!

    1. Thanks, Aina! :)  We all have our troubles in life, and it can be overwhelming at times.  What is important is to get through the troubles and come out better for having dealt with things.  “Whatever don’t kill ya, makes you more strong.”   It’s an old phrase, and this wording taken from the Metallica song “Broken, Beat, and Scarred” (one of my favs).

      Working on happy, here.  You stay happy, too. :)

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