One of my favorite activities is starting conversations with random strangers. I love meeting people and making friends!
One of my “super powers” is finding the beauty in almost everyone I meet, and reflecting it back like a mirror. Sometimes my compliments are met with a “thank you”, quickly followed by a bunch of self-criticism. Why do so many people do that? Perhaps the real questions is, “Why do I do that sometimes, too?”
I think we’re our own worst critics. We see the “perfection” in the rest of the population, but only our own “flaws”. Our minds can greatly exaggerate any perceived imperfections.
Just like carnival fun-house mirrors, our self-image is often rather distorted and not a reflection of reality. Maybe we feel like our flaws are screaming for attention, like a crying baby on an airplane, but the “crying baby” is only in our mind. The other passengers don’t hear a thing. Perhaps to some of them, our presence is the equivalent of beautiful music, to continue the noise-on-an-airplane metaphor.
Even though I understand the psychology of body dysmorphia and self-criticism, it’s something I still have to work at not fixating on, in regard to my own insecurities.
Do you struggle with self-image and/or irrationally critical self-thoughts? What kind of advice can you offer others who also struggle with similar insecurities? Please leave a comment and share! :)
On Instagram (shorter, 1-minute version of video)
If you’d prefer to chime in on Facebook:
Gabi Talks – Meeting Praise with Self Criticism (90 second video)Sometimes we can be our own worst critics, fixating on perceived flaws or imperfections. I struggle with self-criticism more often than I like to admit. In my experience, most people don't even notice our "flaws"… unless of course, we point them all out.Do you struggle with any negative self image issues or insecurities? Do you have trouble taking compliments, or perhaps feel unworthy of them?What advice might you offer someone struggling with a negative self image?#insecurity #bodydysmorphia #criticism #selfcriticism #selfesteem #lowselfesteem #overthinking #selfcare #selflove #bewhoyouare
Posted by Gabrielle Hermosa on Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Hi Gabi,
Just found your site. Recently accepted the fact that I too love embracing my femme side at 30 yo. Am married and it is not something my wife knows. Upon delving into your material and comments I don’t think I ever will tell her because I know she won’t be enthusiastic about it. She may accept it but i know if she did accept me it will always be a thorn in her side as she married a dominant masculine man (something I do love about myself as well). I have chosen to be what she wants as I still love being that person and I don’t want her to have to accept my femme side. If I knew she’d be like your Mrs H I would probably tell her but I know that won’t be the case. The risk reward is me losing her and that risk just isn’t worth the reward. That’s fine as I am still very happy overall with my life and CDing will just be a part of my life I did not explore like many other hobbies. Just wanted to say you’re incredibly sexy as a woman especially those legs of yours and am very happy for you that you’ve embraced what you are.
Hi M. Thank you for chiming in and sharing! :)
It’s not spelled out well on my site, and I haven’t really posted directly about it, but in 2013, I came to the realization that I’m a transgender woman, not a crossdressing man, and needed to transition as such. I came out to my wife (a second time), shortly after understanding my gender identity better, and explained my need to transition and live life authentically as a trans woman. She was not happy about this at all, and I understood why. This isn’t what she signed up for when we got married, at which time I was trying my best to be the “man” society demanded of me.
We tried to make things work as I began my gender transition… but it just didn’t work. She was unhappy and feeling like she lost her “husband”. I loved her with all my heart and felt terrible about the whole thing, but still needed to be my authentic self (literally to save my sanity and life). I told her she deserved to be happy, and if I couldn’t make her happy, she was welcome to find someone else who could, and do so with my blessing.
I hoped she’d realize I’m still the one she fell in love with and the one who loves her dearly and always will. But she fell in love with another man in early 2018 (a cisgender man this time – not a closeted trans woman posing as a man, as I had been doing). It broke my heart to pieces and effectively ended our 23 year marriage.
The good news is she’s very happy once again, and in love with a man who loves and takes good care of her. We’re going through divorce and should have that process completed in early 2020. We remain friends and I’ll always love her as I would a close, cherished friend. She’ll always be family to me! And yes, we still get along well and don’t hate each other or anything.
Divorce happens for a number of reasons, usually because people simply grow in different directions and lack sufficient compatibility to maintain a healthy and mutually beneficial marriage. I don’t regret my time with her, nor does she with me. We enjoyed many beautiful years and countless memories together. And I’m grateful to know she’s well taken care of by her new man, whom she plans to marry in a couple of years.
It sounds like you understand your needs and are comfortable with how things are in your own marriage. So long as it remains as you’ve described, you should both (hopefully) enjoy many happy years together. Secrets aren’t healthy in my relationship, but it’s also very common for married couples to enjoy different activities separately, in addition to things enjoyed together.
I’m wishing you and yours all the best and many happy years ahead! <3