Mar
22nd

How I Came Out to My Wife

Filed under crossdressing | Posted by Gabrielle

Hand-in-Hand

One of the questions I’m often asked by other crossdressers is how did I come out to my wife. I enjoy a very happy marriage and my wife is an active participant in my crossdressing. She helped me learn how to apply makeup, shops for female clothing with me, and is supportive of my need to be myself.

So how did I do it? Why is it that the Fabulous Mrs. H. loves her crossdressing spouse, Gabrielle, when other crossdressers run into giant road blocks with their wives/girlfriends? I wish I could tell other crossdressers that it was how I came out to her, but the fact is how I came out had little to do with her acceptance of me.

Like many crossdressers, I got married without first telling my wife about this aspect of my life. At the time, I was very ashamed of it and feared she would reject me if she knew. The seeds of her acceptance however, were sewn long before we got married. Even so, I still greatly feared rejection from the woman I love more than anything.

In many ways, I guess you could say that I got very lucky when it comes to my wife. She’s a very open-minded woman and always has been. Unlike much of society, adhering to accepted social behaviors and standards has never been her way. Instead, she’s always just chosen to be who she is and live her life as she chooses. It really blew my mind as I got to know her better – just how open-minded she really was (and is). It was very refreshing and just what I needed in my life.

An Interesting Request
I clearly remember one particular request she made of me one day long ago. At the time, we had not been dating very long. The two of us were enjoying some time together at my place. With a playful smile, she asked if I would wear one of her miniskirts for her. She had extra clothes with her having spent the night. Being a crossdresser she didn’t need to twist my arm! Even so, I was very shy about this. At the time, I was still very ashamed about this aspect of my life… but what if she’s into this kind of thing? With an odd mix of reluctance and excitement, I put on her black, form-fitting miniskirt. That was all I wore on this day – no other women’s clothes at this time. Under the skirt, I wore men’s bikini underwear. She absolutely loved it and was smiling ear to ear. It was at this moment that I realized the potential to someday truly be myself around the woman I love… but that day would not come for many years.

Mixed Signals
Fast forward to our married years. On occasion, my wife asked me to dress up fully in women’s clothes (no makeup). It was kind of a kinky sex thing that she enjoyed. She’d pick out some of her clothes for me and I was always happy to wear them for her. This was not a frequent happening however, and she was always in control of when. Several times over the years I attempted to initiate some dress-up time with her, but she almost always shot it down, (unintentionally) making me feel very bad about myself in the process. She had no clue I was a crossdresser – she just thought I was a loving husband who was willing to do things with her that most men would not.

It seemed that only she could initiate feminine dress-up time and was turned off by my own requests to do so. Therefore I kept the truth about my crossdressing a carefully guarded secret for more than a decade (after getting married).

As the years went by, I secretly dressed up when alone in the house. Like most closeted crossdressers, I acquired many female clothing items over the years and kept a hidden stash. Keeping this big secret wore on me over time though. I needed to be me more than just when my wife was out of the house, or on the somewhat rare occasion she asked me to dress up for her.

Last year (2008), there was an increase in my wife’s requests for me to dress up. By this time, I also had some of my own female clothes donated to me by my wife, BUT also told that I was only to wear them around her and only when asked to.

The Game Plan
Here’s where the process of coming out of the closet began. Over the course of the year, I made it a point to initiate conversations about her kinky desires to see me in women’s clothes. A conscious effort was put forth to keep this in her mind as much as possible – get her talking about it, thinking about it, and offering new ideas on how to take this further and make it more enjoyable. It slowly worked. She began asking me to dress up more frequently and we were both having a great time with it. Little by little, more clothing items were added to my wife-donated women’s wardrobe. She even began purchasing items specifically for me to wear for her, rather than just giving me things from her own closet.

I kept at it – constantly jumping any opportunity to engage her in conversation about this subject, while carefully not going overboard with it. It wasn’t just about getting more dress-up time with my wife though. Each time, I made sure to fill in a little more of the puzzle for her. I carefully began to paint the picture of who I really am. Just little bits at a time though, carefully monitoring how she felt and where her mind was with things along each step of the way.

It was about half way through the year that I explained to her my desire to see myself fully dressed as a woman, complete with hair, makeup, nails, and the works. She liked the idea, but also displayed some uncertainty. I continued working on her and by August, the date was on the calendar. Because of a hectic and busy life (and needing to keep it a secret outside of us), being fully made up with nails, etc. is rather tricky. A small window of opportunity was present in December 2008 and we planned around it.

As the date drew nearer, I continued explaining more about myself with each dress-up session and in general conversations about it. It was working nicely. Slowly she was getting the picture about me. Slowly I was sharing myself with my wife… completely.

A Road Block
When the time came to be fully dressed up head to toe in full makeup, nails, etc., my wife got her period. She wasn’t feeling well and sex was pretty much out of the question. She wanted me to wait (to be made up fully in makeup) until another time… which would have been several months later. This is when I really connected the dots for her. This is when she finally started to understand that it’s not just about sex to me – it is, in fact, who I am and how I would choose to be if society didn’t force strict gender rules upon us.

She Finally Understood
Although very disappointed that she would be unable to engage in some amazing and wild sex with me fully dressed up, she really started to understand. She knew the terminology, what I desired, and how I felt. She fully understood my sexuality (100% straight). She understood that although sex-while-dressed is a mind-blowing experience for both of us… my crossdressing went well beyond just that aspect.

After waiting my entire life, I finally got to meet “Gabrielle” face to face, thanks to my loving wife and her open-minded understanding. I was finally out to my wife. She knew, she accepted, and she enjoyed seeing me completely dressed up in full makeup, nails painted, and looking mighty fine as Gabrielle Hermosa. That first time, she told me that she had never seen me smile so much in my entire life. It made her happy just to see me so happy.

Success
Dressing up was no longer limited to my wife’s requests and no longer limited to a sexual activity. The days of secretly dressing up when my wife was out of the house were finally over. I found a new freedom in my life and with it, a new sense of peace and happiness.

Since fully coming out, our marriage has only gotten better. It was very good before, but even better after. My wife is very much in love with the new t-girl in her life: Gabrielle. Now she enjoys the best of both worlds – her devoted, loving husband and her (also devoted) sexy, loving girlfriend.

My Wife’s Sexual Preference
Mrs. H. is not into genetic women in any romantic sense. I’ve tried to open her mind to that possibility only to get chewed out and told how much the idea turns her off. Not even mildly bi-curious on her part. She is fascinated with the idea of a man transforming himself in to the appearance of a beautiful woman though. This much, I’ve known for some time. She’s always been drawn to TV shows and films that feature some kind of crossdressing in them. As I was ashamed about my crossdressing for many years, she was also somewhat ashamed of (mainly just shy about) her desire to see a man dressed up like a woman. Neither one of us are ashamed any more though. We’re too busy being happy and enjoying each other… all three of us, if you will.

A Happy Ending
There you have it. A very successful coming out and happy ending. Honestly, it wasn’t a happy ending but rather a very happy new beginning. Our marriage ain’t perfect by any means, but like I said – it is a very happy one filled with lots of love, devotion, respect, support, understanding… and some amazing experiences that most married couples will never know. A marriage without (open) crossdressing seems so one-dimensional to me now.

Thank God the two of us found each other. It seems that so many crossdressers end up getting married to women who are anything BUT open-minded or accepting. Every woman is not going to enjoy being with a crossdressing husband, and that’s understandable. Different strokes for different folks. It seems like such a waste to me though: living with a woman who will never accept her husband for who he really is. I got lucky that my wife not only accepts my crossdressing, but also happens to enjoy it very much. Had things worked out differently, I’m certain my marriage would have failed. I got to the point where I needed to be me and couldn’t keep it inside anymore. If things did not work out well with my wife on the acceptance front, it would have marked the beginning of the end. As much as I love her, the need to be who I am is stronger than any force in my life. Thank you God, for sending this woman into my life!

The Future
Today, I’m out only to my wife… and therapist, but that doesn’t really count. I’m active the online crossdressing community, but I’m only known as my feminine side, Gabrielle, online. My wife knows, loves, and enjoys both Gabe and Gabrielle. Perhaps in time, I will just be out, period. Unfortunately, finding acceptance in society will not be as easy as finding it in my wife. Somehow I’ll make things work for me though. One day at a time. :)

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26 Responses to “How I Came Out to My Wife”

  1. By nancyish on Apr 6, 2009 | Reply

    What an amazing story.This is nancy’s first time out and i’m kinda nervous.My wife(i love her)lets me wear her plain clothes.I want to wear more but she is not willing.This is a start for me ,wish me luck and any advise would be appreciated.

  2. By Roberta on Apr 20, 2009 | Reply

    thank you for sharing

  3. By nancy barbara on May 9, 2009 | Reply

    Hi Nancy. Best of luck. Tell her it is just a game and go slowly and just have fun with it. Just remember to treat your wife nicely and you will have a long happy life together. I have been cross dressing for 28 years only at home but a nice tropical shirt with flowers like they wear in the Florida Keys is fun to wear out to dinner. I think Gabrielle has a first class website. Excellent job Gabrielle thank you for all the time you spend on the site.

  4. By Jane on Jul 9, 2009 | Reply

    Good for you, Gabrielle! It is amazing, the capacity of some women for love! I have also successfully navigated this minefield and my lady never ceases to amaze me. I’d like to think if the roles were reversed that I’d have been equally wonderful, but I’m not entirely sure. I do hope so, though!

  5. By Gabrielle on Jul 9, 2009 | Reply

    Thanks, Jane. :) I’m glad to hear you wife was understanding and supportive as well. “Navigating a minefield” is a very good description of what it was like trying to tactfully deal with the whole issue.

    Send my love to your awesome wife. :)

  6. By Erin P on Nov 12, 2009 | Reply

    Here I am all over the map again Gabi :p

    My coming out to my wife was a bit weird. Well let me say first that most women I have ever dated I have dressed at least once… but more in the sexual connotation (it is easier to make it a game, right? Maybe not.) It was the same with my wife. I did try a number of times to come out to her and either she unconscionably refused to get it or I didn’t spell it out well enough.

    Anyways it wasn’t until our then 15 year marriage was almost over (for completely different reasons and more serious than crossdressing, that I will not get into) that I really came out to her in a way she could get. That was 3 years ago. We did get it back together and sometimes our marriage is more of a struggle than other times. Part of our agreement to even try to work on our marriage was acceptance of my crossdressing and the freedom to do so.

    Well as I have explain in a different comment it became hard to dress anyways not related to my relationship with my wife. But sometimes it is still harder because of general understanding. Not that she doesn’t want to. But because of society and regional social background.

    Things are much better now, and though we love each other we still have our rocky moments too.

    It should also be noted that our modern society and how the standard of femininity is so unrealistic that girls are raised in a culture that make them insecure before they ever achieve womanhood. So when men in general start dressing like women, and more so their own man starts dressing in women’s clothing, it is hard to see that as anything other than a threat to their own gender identity. A threat to their own femininity.

    If nothing else I would caution all transgendered people to be careful when dealing with women you are close in any context. Very straight urbane woman seems to have a “There was this crossdresser that I used to live near…” story that usually ends “It’s not fair that he” “looked better than I did”, “had better legs”, “was prettier than anyone has a right to be”, etc.

    It has even been said to me by women that know me in both my persona’s (about my legs and how I look in a skirt). Ego is funny and fragile thing.

  7. By Gabrielle on Nov 18, 2009 | Reply

    Thanks for sharing your coming out story, Erin. :) There’s nothing simple or easy about it for many of us, but it’s so important to get it out there if not divulged prior to marriage (which is always best). I’m glad your wife understands and that your marriage is doing relatively well again. No one’s marriage is perfect. My wife and I enjoy a very happy and wonderful marriage, but do we have our moments.

    I’ve noted the competition thing between women and their crossdressing partners. Some women are threatened by their significant other’s apparent or perceived greater beauty and that is understandable. Between Mrs. H. and I – she’s definitely the more attractive one. At the same time, she acknowledges what she sees as my own feminine beauty, and compliments it with genuine admiration. We’ve spoken about the possibility of aging difference over time and if she’d feel threatened if she ever felt I was more attractive. She seems fine with that prospect, and even added that she’d simply enjoy my beauty for as long as it lasts, regardless of her own. Who knows what the future holds but for now at least, we are very happy and comfortable with each other and each other’s beauty. It is our hope and intent to keep it that way. :)

  8. By Ashley Lim (Feminine name) on Mar 9, 2010 | Reply

    Dear Gabrielle,

    You are very luck to have a supporting wife on cross-dressing. Well, my is is put off by this,
    so I have to hide in the closet to cross-dress.

    Love

    Ashley

  9. By Gabrielle on Mar 10, 2010 | Reply

    Thanks for taking the time to say hi and share, Ashley. :) I’m sorry to hear that your wife is put off by your feminine side. Sadly, that is very common among many trans-folk. :( Perhaps in time, you will find a way to take your crossdressing out of the closet and be able to share it with others in some meaningful way. Your friendship website seems like a good start in that regard. So long as you’re alive, your possibilities are endless and I do encourage you to explore and find (safe) ways of expanding this aspect of your life. Maybe in time, your wife will be a little more open to this part of your life, too. I wish you much luck with things! :)

    Just to be clear, my wife is supporting, but that does not make for a perfect marriage by any means. We have our moments just like any married couple – trust me! Her acceptance of my feminine side is very cherished, though, and I am grateful for her presence in my life.

  10. By Kittie on Mar 21, 2010 | Reply

    I came out this morning to my wife about CD. She seemed to accept it and had realised some of it. I wear bra, panties, tights & nightie. also skirt but she wasn’t too happy about that and it will take time

  11. By Gabrielle on Mar 21, 2010 | Reply

    Congratulations on coming out to your wife, Kittie! :) Thanks for sharing. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do, but is the right thing to do. I’m happy to hear that she seemed accepting upon initial delivery of the news. There may be an adjustment period in which she tries to wrap her head around exactly what this means. During this time, she may have more questions for you and potentially display a mix of acceptance and non-acceptance at times while she works it out in her mind. Give her the time and understanding she needs to sort things out. I hope things continue to be positive on this front for the two of you. :)

  12. By Gina on Aug 30, 2010 | Reply

    Hi not sure how to start, but my wife are having trouble. I have tried to open up to her but she does not seem to ask ? About any of it. Been to a cousaling witch cost to much for me and was really depessed. Than the the other day she found some colthing and asked about. Did not handle that very well. So today I’ve. Down and not sure what to. She texted me saying she may not be home when I get home. Not sure about anything right now. I’ve been crossdressing off and on for over 30+ years with a precentage of it in the service you know how that can be. At this time not sure who I can turn to. Loved your story.

  13. By Gabrielle on Aug 30, 2010 | Reply

    Hi Gina. Glad you enjoyed my coming out story. I wish yours was going a bit better. Sorry to hear that you’re having trouble with things in that respect.

    If you feel that things aren’t going well so far, maybe try to just avoid the topic for a while, if possible. Regroup and get your thoughts and emotions sorted out before getting further into things. Also try to prepare for how your wife may react to the news. If you have a good understanding about things yourself and take an intelligent approach to explaining things to your wife, you will greatly increase the chances of things turning out well.

    If you haven’t already, maybe take the time to read my advice about coming out to your wife (see the related link at the end of this post, above comments). There are no guarantees that things will have a happy outcome, but taking a smart, well thought out approach is always the best way.

    I wish you and your wife the best of luck. :)

  14. By Suzy on Sep 18, 2010 | Reply

    What a wonderful story! My own is not quite so happy. I came out to my (future) wife on the very first night we were together. At first she seemed to accept it, even embrace it. Over time, though, it eventually came out that she was bothered by it and couldn’t completely accept it. We got married anyway and have had many good years together, but this aspect has put something of a wall up. I know she feels a little left out and I have tried a couple of times suggesting that she come with me like she used to but she does not seem interested in doing so.

    Recently I had an unpleasant surprise. She was taking her mother on a trip to Ireland and I told her that while she was gone that a friend of mine and his wife were going to go out to dinner with Suzy. She suddenly got silent. She knew that I had been going out lately during the day (I’m a teacher and so I had some time off lately). Her impression was that I was trying to get “caught” by people who know me, which isn’t the case at all. I recently told her that on a recent vacation, far from home, I went out for a couple of days as Suzy, but no real reaction. I told her that it hurt me that she would say this about me wanting to be caught while dressed. It’s so far from my true motivation. I said I was merely “testing my limits,” but that didn’t seem to do any good either. Now Suzy is further removed than ever from her and will probably remain so for awhile. I do not want to just give up going out as Suzy in straight society; I have never been happier and more fulfilled with Suzy as I have been in recent weeks.

    It’s very tough for us to talk about. She knows that I’m spending quite a bit of money lately on clothes and makeup (the money, however, isn’t the issue). I’m just hoping now that she will broach the subject with me, but now it’s just one of those things that she doesn’t want to talk about.

    Suzy

  15. By Lyner on May 29, 2011 | Reply

    Hi Suzy
    As a wife of a CD – I think I understand what is happening with your wife. I don’t know how your marriage all panned out but I can speculate what she must have been feeling. I completely accept my husband; I love every bit of him/her. Like Gabrielle’s wife, I am attracted to both of my husband’s sides sexually. I have been out with him en femme and had a great time at the bar. I help him pick out clothes and he is planning a drag show that I am involved with. However, I would not be comfortable finding out that he made plans with family or friends to meet in femme without having discussed it with me first. We have teenagers and I almost completely walked out on our relationship when my husband suggested we let the kids see him en femme. I’m just not ready to share THAT much with the kids for now. They KNOW he is a crossdresser and they KNOW he wants his own drag show and they are supportive BUT wanting a certain level of privacy is something that is very important to me and I’m sure it is important to any wife – I just didn’t feel comfortable with my husband being that visible. Whatever our CD husbands decide will DEFINITELY impact us. Our lives are intertwined to our husbands and we are on the SAME journey with them. Though the husband might be ready for an audience….the wife might not. What I am saying might not sound fair to any of the CDs that are reading this but if your wife supports you, if your wife loves every bit of you and that you value your relationship with her, you need to value her opinion, and value her privacy as well. Most of our friends know and family on his side knows about the CD in my husband and they LOVE him for it. Gabrielle is right, it’s a gift and keeps our life rich with excitement, BUT no matter how comfortable I am – I guarantee I am still not ready for my brothers to know. I think I would be VERY upset if my husband decided for me that my brothers needed to know. I would question his respect for me. I’m not saying he has to ask permission, but I certainly would like to be considered for such an impacting decision.
    I find it important that my husband love himself as much as I love him….but I still am anxious about family members knowing.

  16. By bobbieslut2 on Dec 7, 2011 | Reply

    My mariage ended in divorce in 2004 but not over my cross dressing issues. Sadly my need to be a sissy is stronger than ever. But I am living alone and seeking a new life partner I havederessed and have not dressed as a woman since August 2011

  17. By cindy on Feb 7, 2012 | Reply

    yes, i am a GG. I found it very strange, if Gabby is a heterosexual male, that he would try and encourage his wife, who is a heterosexual female, to consider being sexual with another female. What does he not get about a heterosexual female. I really do question his sexuality, if he is truly honest with himself. What a turn off for a women, her husband encouraging lesbian sex.

  18. By Gabrielle on Feb 7, 2012 | Reply

    Hi Cindy.  I understand your frustration regarding straight men wanting to see women engaged in lesbian activities.  My wife shares your sentiment, as do many women.

    Questioning my sexual orientation (or that of any other man, trans or not) will not alter the reality that many straight men simply enjoy the idea of two beautiful women engaged in sexual activities with each other.  Not all men (who enjoy the idea) will admit to this for a number of reasons, but it’s very common.

    The context in which I bring it up in my article is to illustrate that my wife’s sexual interest in me as “Gabrielle” is not based in a secret lesbian desire, which I thought the question might arise if not addressed.  In other words, it is entirely possible for a straight woman to be romantically interested with a crossdresser without there being “something more to it”, in terms of her sexual orientation.  People often try to explain away the complex *realities* of life in simpler, yet very inaccurate ways, because it feels less threatening to their personal belief system that way.

  19. By tsxxxstardaphne on Feb 25, 2012 | Reply

    my honey doesnt know about my online life,shes caught me once in her panties bra,there was photo of me spreading that idont know if she seen,lol i was on bed in panties and bra looking hot,i know its hard girls.im having hard time keeping my girly side in.i dont think she would dump me really were very in love but she noticess i love to shop for her in juniors/young women and said i could be stylist or designer,im pretty much bi not in2 labels but in girl mode i love ts and tv chics and men.i love cding and not ashamed anymore.thats for when you steal moms undies at 12 or 13 try them on LOL (yea i did it) and bras

  20. By Dawn on Jun 27, 2012 | Reply

    I came out to my wife in our first year of marrage. She was not real happy about it but felt that that was part of me that she also feel in love with. She helped me alot with my makeup cloths and everything. For my birthday one year she toke me shping for a new wardrobe.
    Unfortunately I’ve just resonantly lost my wife and best friend of 38 years. It is extermly hard to come out to the ones you love.
    But the female side of you part of you that they fell in love with also because it is always there no matter how you are dressed. There is no way we can change who we are no matter how much a person want to. I’ve purged about 3 or 4 times in my life it never gose away. Unfortunately I couldn’t pass even to a blind man as I’m 6’4 and have a 10 1/2 ring size on my pinky. My wife use to say it wasn’t fair that looked as good as a woman as I did as a man, but then she was a bit prejudices.
    Have a great day girls Dawn

  21. By cc on May 8, 2013 | Reply

    Hello, I am a wife of a cross dresser. When we first got married I awoke in the middle of the night and he was in panties!. I was highly upset for years whence I was fine with that he began wearing skirts, nylons, nail polish, bras. Although until this day it does not thrill me, I chose to stay married only because I love him. It makes him happy and he loves to be called a girl I still call him a man. I married a man a man he will be, even dressed in clothes. He loves nicknames but since his name is Allan he gets called Allie. I suppose that works for him. He once told me only a few years ago that his mom dressed him up as a girl for Halloween. Said it made him feel good, little did I know this when I dressed him up as an old lady for Halloween, funny. I suppose we only live once or twice and we must be happy, so for this I have accepted this lifestyle but will never like it.

  22. By Gabrielle on May 8, 2013 | Reply

    Hi CC. Thanks for sharing. :) It’s always best when both partners in marriage are enthusiastic about one (or both) being trans, but if enthusiasm isn’t present, acceptance works.

    I’m glad to hear that you are in acceptance of your husband’s part-time femininity, even if it is not what you hoped for. You clearly love him very much and I’m sure it is mutual.

    In every marriage, there are things each spouse loves, shares enthusiasm for, accepts, tolerates, and dislikes about the other. What’s most important is the love, respect, and mutual *desire* to have a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship together. When both parties share the desire and enough common interests, the marriage is usually a long, happy one. I wish you and yours a long, prosperous, happy marriage! :)

  23. By Jaana on Oct 7, 2013 | Reply

    Hi Gabi. For years I’ve been CDing with no thought as to why or how, but always did since maybe 9, and I have always felt guilt or shame after binging and purging, especially after fetish crossdressing. It wasn’t until recently that I even had a thought to google CDing, and stumbled onto your site. After reading mos of the articles, and pondering what it meant to me, I now have no guilt or shame in doing so! The one thing I had to overcome was telling my own wife. I couldn’t believe that after 7 years of marriage, I hadn’t even thought to tell her this about me, I’d kept it hidden away like a dirty secret for years.

    After wondering how to say it, and taking into consideration all of the pointers I’ve read, I told her. It was strange to her, and I allowed her the time to absorb the information, but overall it was not negative at all. She came to take it as a fetish. Thing is, I do enjoy lounging a bit, when no ones around. Reading my feelings, not focusing on the sexual turn on I usually get, I do feel relaxed and more serene. It’s nice to just hang out and feel sexy.

    I’m a military servicemember, so to say that I can pass for a female with the body i need to maintain is a far stretch. Looking in the mirror, though, I’d say I have a damn fine set of legs =). The last thing i need to overcome is her opinion on me dressing in front of her. I haven’t asked yet for fear of overload, but I plan to tonight or later on. I would love to lounge in my skirt and heels after our daughter is down for the night. I’m thinking of maybe doing an item at a time, so I don’t come out full dress at once for her.

    My love for her is solidified even more than it is now, with me being content with her at least not negatively reacting to it, and I’d love for her to accept me dressing when it’s just us two around. Either way, the literal feeling of the weight off your shoulders is astounding, same as when I went to behavioral health for the nightmares I had after my first deployment, it’s such a relief! And don’t worry about that last statement, my nightmares were a normal reaction to combat, and the nightmares themselves were not combat-related, but were of me losing my wife, much more scary to me. I use the example because that is the only other time in my life i felt such a relief, to be freed from the burdens of guilt and shame associated with crossdressing until we learn that it’s not a curse, an addiction, or something we need to be cured of.

    I have come to appreciate your site immensely, and your contributors even more so for sharing their stories =). I thank you all for the chance to live uncaged. And one more thing: Does your name come naturally, or is it based off real name? I liked the name Jaana, a character from one of my favorite games growing up, figured it fit…I was wondering how your alter egos names came about, as I never named my alter ego ever, and hadn’t thought about it until now.

    Thank you again!

  24. By Gabrielle on Oct 7, 2013 | Reply

    Hi Jaana. Thanks for sharing. :) So happy to hear my offerings have been helpful in your journey.

    Life is change and change is inevitable, growth is optional. There were times in my life when I intentionally held myself back because I feared what would happen if I moved forward and “grew”. I think most people do this in various aspects of life. We play a “role” in this world, usually many roles, and often forget who we truly are in the process. We get caught up in the roles and loose touch with our true being. Most people live their entire lives playing roles and never getting in touch with their true being or realizing their true greatness.

    The role I grow tire of playing is the facade – the “man” I have pretended to be all my life, so as to appease those around me – a survival tactic. Much of own growth process over the past couple of years is missing from this site, but bits and pieces are scattered about in comments. More is spelled out in the writing that accompanies my photos on Flickr (look me up there by name).

    My alter ego’s was given to me by my parents at birth. In time, I’d like to shed my alter ego as I grow and evolve, and allow myself to truly be myself – Gabrielle.

    I know what you meant with your question. :) Just trying to quickly fill in some important blanks in very few words. It’s just where my journey is taking me. We all have our own paths to follow.

    You may find yourself growing in ways you didn’t expect, too. In time, perhaps your crossdressing is more so related to a state of peace and feeling “right” about yourself. Maybe the fetish part fades away or diminishes over time. Many crossdressers experience this.

    In terms of spending time with your wife en femme, you’ll have to talk with her about it and express how it would make you feel. Keep it simple and be ready for questions. If she expresses a fear reaction, try to put her at ease and let it go until you can talk more openly without any fear responses or friction. It will be an easier talk if you’re more comfortable discussing it, too, as in, not feeling like you have to tiptoe when talking, so to say.

    My name was given to me by my wife, the first time she made me up in full makeup and hair. She always liked the name and now we both love it! Perhaps you might encourage your wife to help you choose a fem name that you both enjoy. It may be something that even brigs you closer together.

    Love and best wishes. :)

  25. By Skye on Oct 15, 2013 | Reply

    What a great site! I’m a cd still on the younger side of 30 but have been dressing for as long as I can remember. Been married for 2 years (and been with her for close to 10) to my best friend but unfortunately I haven’t come out yet for fear that I will lose her completely. She is not closed minded at all, I just know that she likes her man to be manly, I don’t know how she will take it seeing me in full femme mode. I have tried to suppress this side of me for a long time , tried to substitute the need to dress with everything from exercise to food and even alcohol. I’ve purged my wardrobe three of four times since my teen years and have probably lost 5000 bucks worth of clothes in the process. I’m just so torn as to whether to share something with her that, once it is out there, can not ever be taken back. At this stage I am happy to listen to anyone who thinks they may be able to help me, as I am worried that I am slipping into a kind of depression about the situation I find myself in. Some of the thoughts I am having about how to fix this are not healthy …. I just feel so lost about it. I hate lying but I have to be myself . :(

  26. By Gabrielle on Oct 15, 2013 | Reply

    Hi Skye, thanks for sharing. :) I understand your fear of loosing your wife, should she find out about your feminine side. For some women, it is a deal breaker, and they’re allowed that.

    You’re sitting on a secret, Skye, and it’s going to come out sooner or later, in some way, shape or form. You’re clearly dealing with a lot of stress about it already. Purging and trying to change yourself isn’t going to do any good. You’re literally trying to “run away from yourself” by trying to remove physical objects from your life (which are *not* you), and poisoning your body, which is only going to increase the likelihood for health complications. If you continue to keep this secret in, nothing good will come of it. It will manifest in any number of ways, including, but not limited to, depression, stress, short temper, misdirected anger, guilt, high blood pressure, loss of sleep, increased fatigue, loss of quality of life, and the list goes on. You may hold on to your wife a little longer by keeping this a secret, but it will cost you. Listen to you body – it’s trying to tell you something isn’t right.

    If you haven’t already, I suggest reading this article: How to Tell Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser. There is no magical solution to be found in there (or anywhere, for that matter), but you may find it helpful.

    I’m going to share this quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer: “Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

    I hope you and your wife find the happiness you each deserve, whether it be together, or apart. Good luck, Skye.

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