I have been dressing since my early youth… 5, again at 8 and again at 12 and pretty much weekly after that I am 51 years old and married with one 5 year old child at home. I only wear panties here at home for that is all I own… no male briefs… nada. My wife knew of my crossdressing before we were married and accepted me. My problem now is that I can not dress any longer at home because of our child, so I take it elsewhere. Mainly to a gay friends house . I am hetero and my friend hits on me all the time as Debbie but never as Dave. For the past 3 – 4 years my dressing en femme has become very aggressive, and honestly that is all I want to do. I am at a point right now in that I would like to start hormones and transition to female, for that is who I truly feel inside. Dave has only been there out of fear, and to take care of his family. I actually get very depressed if Debbie does not get to play and even am Bitchy. I feel the urgency more so in my life today than I did years past. What to do? Debbie is who I befriended in my adolescent years and have came to love immensely. Even my family. Sisters, love having Debbie around to go out with and such.
Gabi, having said all of that, am I terribly wrong with wanting to be the person I feel that I really am? I am very confused, and the BATTLE is RAGING within! I just want to add a bit extra… I have not had sex for almost 6 years with any person, for I know it is a WANT and not a NEED, and Debbie does not like her plumbing either! I do not dress to play and masturbate…I dress for I am very comfy as Debbie and often Debbie will grab her purse and hit the streets to shop till she drops!
What is your take Gabi?
You certainly have some complex issues weighing heavily on your mind. It sounds to me like you’re struggling with the role you currently play in life vs. who you’d like to be (as in full-time Debbie). The question that leaves me with is what role do you see yourself playing if you woke up tomorrow as post-SRS Debbie?
I am guessing that you’ve been free to crossdress and express yourself as you choose (at least on your own time) for most of your adult life. With your femme-time considerably restricted and (presumably) reduced for the last several years, I can understand your depression and feelings of irritation. When that which makes us feel like ourselves has been taken away or greatly restricted, it can take an emotional toll and manifest itself in various negative ways.
Your wife knew about and accepted Debbie before marriage, but how does she feel about your femme-side today? Did you mutually decide that your child should not be exposed to Debbie? Should you undergo SRS, what will have changed (aside from the obvious) that will allow you to then be yourself (Debbie) at home and around your child?
Your described “aggressive” crossdressing as of late may be the result of not being able to do so with the freedom you once enjoyed. Your desire to transition may be the need to become psychically who you feel you truly are inside. It might also just be overcompensation for the current lack of freedom to explore your feminine side.
When your friend hits on you as Debbie, does it fill a void currently lacking in your marriage? You describe yourself as heterosexual, so I imagine you have no romantic interest in your friend, but the attention probably plays a role in making you feel better about yourself as Debbie.
In my understanding, transsexuals generally feel, from an early age, they were born with the wrong sexual organs and/or in the wrong body. It seems like you are coming to this conclusion much later in your life than most.
Do you think that maybe the positive attention you receive as Debbie, lack of sex, and frustration in not being able to express your feminine-side at home could be the major factors in your desire to transition? Might things improve if you and your wife simply allowed Debbie to be a part of your home life again? Does Debbie’s plumbing truly feel wrong, or is she just frustrated by the lack of sex and personal freedom? Have you considered how sex might be with a vagina rather than a penis?
Undergoing the process of sex reassignment surgery is a very serious change in life. Under the right circumstances, it can offer people the opportunity to be physically who they have always been inside.
Psychological counseling is usually required in order to begin hormone therapy and start the process of transitioning. I advise you to seek out such a therapist (with proper training in this field) and discuss your reasons for wanting to undergo SRS. Most physicians won’t consider performing SRS until the patient has undergone the proper therapy and lived their life as the desired sex for at least one year prior.
You ask, “Am I terribly wrong with wanting to be the person I feel that I really am?” We all have the right to pursuit of happiness in life and that includes being ourselves (or who we feel we are). If Dave is only “there out of fear, and to take care of his family”, have you thought about life after transitioning? Will Debbie be there to take care of her family?
I don’t think it’s about being right or wrong in your desire to be who you feel you are, but rather a matter of where you want to be in your life, what you need to do to achieve that goal, and what it means for you and your family.
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