I often tell other crossdressers that I look so different en femme, fully made up, that no one (who knows my man-side) would ever recognize me if they saw. To test this a little, I changed my work-place desktop wallpaper to a close-up of Gabrielle’s face. The photo above is of my dual wide screen 22″ monitors at work. Guess what people are saying…
Several co-workers have seen my new desktop wallpaper in the past two weeks, since changing it to my femme-face. I’ve caught a few of them starring at it (rather than making eye-contact) while talking to me. Oddly, no one has said a word so far. No one has asked who the image is, or smiled in a way that might indicate they know it’s me. I’ve gotten absolutely no comments on the wallpaper image at all.
I’m not quite sure what I’d say if asked. Several stories have run through my mind, from telling them it’s a random image I came across and liked enough to make my wallpaper, to explaining it is a friend of my wife’s (which is fairly true). It’s not a good idea to do this without having a good story worked out to satisfy questions, but I’ve not yet decided what to say should I be asked. I guess I’ll find out if/when that finally happens.
The biggest surprise to me is that no one has questioned why another woman’s face (who is not my wife) is displayed larger than life on my monitors. My co-workers have seen my wife enough to know what she looks like. Perhaps they do think it’s my wife’s face and that it just looks a little different because of the way the image has been processed. Hard to say.
[Not a valid template]For the record, it is not in my best interest to let people at work know about my feminine side. It might drastically alter the work dynamic between my co-workers and I. There is also a good chance I could find myself unemployed. I wouldn’t get fired for being a crossdresser or anything, it would likely be because I put the wrong cover sheet on my TPS reports or something. ;) That would look better on paper and harder to fight in court.
To the right you can see the photo uncropped and without the blue tint. I tinted it blue because it makes a more visually pleasing desktop wallpaper that way, or so it does for me. I prefer not to have busy wallpapers that make my desktop icons difficult to see in contrast.
If you’re a crossdresser who’s not “out” at work, have you tried anything similar? Perhaps you have a photo of your femme-side hung with your family photos on the wall or sitting on your desk. Or maybe you don’t dare display your softer side at work in any way. Tell me about it.
UPDATE June 21, 2009:
I had to remove the desktop image from my computer at work. Ironically, people weren’t commenting on the image until after I decided to finally write about it. No one recognized the image as me, but I was getting questioned by co-workers about having another woman’s image on my desktop rather than that of my wife’s. I told Mrs. H. about this and she asked that I remove the image, to which I had decided to in light of how people were reacting. She felt funny about people thinking that I might be admiring another woman and I was already getting uncomfortable explaining to people that it was another woman (not my wife). It was an interesting experiment, but I think the desktop location was a poor choice. It gave the wrong impression that I have eyes for another woman outside of my marriage.
That’s a pretty interesting experiment, I wonder why nobody has even asked anything? Usually people get pretty nosy about desktop themes, you have to keep us updated if anyone ever says something about it.
I spoke too soon, Jessica. Earlier today, I was indeed questioned as to who she was. I was reviewing a project with two co-workers who have not seen my wife in person. The guy who initiated the conversation seemed interested in knowing if it was my wife, to which I replied it was a friend of hers. He then I was asked why did I have her (not my wife) on MY computer screen. I explained that I was taking some photos for her MySpace account and my wife knows that I have the photo on my work computer. The cool thing is that the guy who asked seemed to think she was attractive in the way he inquired and how the conversation played out. Neither of the guys showed any indication that they thought it might be me. They were more concerned about how my wife could be cool with another woman’s face on my computer. lol
I may update my post to reflect this news, or just let this comment be the official update. Ironic though – how no one was saying anything UNTIL I wrote that no one was saying anything.
You clearly have an underlying need to be outed – for goodness sakes, why? Sorry to say Darling, but there’ll be tears – otherwise carry on. Those who have made you (probably women) would never say out loud, but they’ll be talking later.
Love the blog by the way and don’t want to see you in a situation that is not to your advantage. The general public has a warped view of what we do.
Thanks for the feedback, prue dunne. I appreciate your concern. :) I’m not sure if I have a subconscious desire to be out among people I know (as maybe kind of a need to gain acceptance among people I work with all the time) or if it is more just me enjoying the fact that people simply won’t recognize the image as me. I do get a kick out of that to some extent. Either way, the desktop image in no more. I was grilled a little (in a polite way) by the office manager on Friday. Her concern is that I had another woman’s image on my computer rather than my wife’s. I’ve had many conversations about my wife with her (office manager) and she’s always admired how loving and caring I am toward her. I got the clear impression she was looking out for my wife and looking down on me for having her “friend’s” photo on my computer rather than hers. So this particular experiment has come to an end, ironically so shortly after writing about it.
In regard to how the general public views us – no need to remind me. I know all the terrible things people think about us which is a large part of why I spend the time I do working on this site. I’m reaching out to fellow crossdressers and also hoping to attract non-crossdressers and give them a little insight into the truths about us rather than the lies and misconceptions that likely fill their mind.
Hello Gabrielle,
I am RobertaM from crossdressers.com.
Wow I am very shocked that your would put your fem photo on your desktop.
Do you have a wish to be out at work, if so great.
If not , what are you thinking? Pink fog. Geesh.
Sorry just trying to give you a reality pill. Roberta!!
No need to apologize for serving me up a dose of reality, Roberta. I appreciate your input. :)
In terms of being out at work, no – I am not trying to come out to my co-workers (at least not on a conscious level), but rather test the theory of whether or not they’d recognize my femme image. I would not have done this if I thought there was a reasonable chance that they would. Trust me when I tell you that my man-face looks nothing like Gabrielle with makeup on. My wife and I both agree that I could probably sit down and have dinner with my own parents as Gabrielle and they’d never recognize her as me (I’m not out to my parents).
Regardless, the experiment is over. It was a poor choice of location – my computer desktop. People seemed more concerned that I had another woman’s image on my PC rather than my wife’s. It looked disrespectful to Mrs. H. to my co-workers, which in retrospect, makes a lot of sense.
Hey Hon, just found your blog – great to see another crossdresser blog come online :)
You know, part of me thinks that it’s cool validation of your femininity that you weren’t outted with your femme self all over your computer screen…
At least now you can search for the next place to display your feminine beauty :)
hello, i applaud you for this and all you do, i think it is so wrong that you cant just wear, who you are,( not a misspelling, after all it is who you are, clothes are not made from gender specific thread or wool, there is no sheep out there with just female clothes wool on them, why can women wear anything and no one cares, there are womens garments called boyfriend shirt or boyfriend suits, but there are no clothes called girlfriends pants or tops for men to wear. keep up the good work,
Thanks for chiming in, Charles. :) I like your point that sheep do not grow gender specific wool. The whole gender expression issue was created by humans, not nature.
Hello all,
Gabrielle I think it’s great that your venturing some and taking a chance or so. Many little strides make huge steps. I’m fully out to my co-workers and go all over my township in femme of sorts sometimes makeup sometimes not (but shaved). Its a small area and yet I get little to no flack over it. So I praise you for your efforts so far!!!
Thanks for commenting, Jayla. :) I always enjoy hearing stories like yours – being fully out to co-workers and fully able to get out and about without trouble. The desktop image was an interesting and fun experiment. It’s not likely I’ll be sharing this aspect of my life with co-workers (at my current employer) any time soon, though. Long and complicated story, but it would likely only make things very rough for me to do so. I’m feeling my way through things though, as we all must do. Perhaps in time, I’ll be employed somewhere where I can be a bit more my true self and maybe even find a more open-minded community to reside. :)
Risky risky risky! To bold for me lol. But I bet it was exillerating! Even for 100% straight CD girls like me being Checked out by a guy is very exciting for some reason or another. Especially if its some one you know and they don’t know it’s you.its just validation or something . Kudos but be carefull once that box is open there is no putting the lid back on it. Oh btw in case I didn’t mention it , love your website! I think you are beautiful , totally amazing and I really admire you ! Lots of love Lexi