I met up with an old friend (in guy-mode) a couple of weeks ago. He was one of the small group of people I enjoyed the company of while en femme at my high school class reunion this past summer. Although I’ve known him for many years, he only learned of my feminine side at the class reunion, along with many of my former high school classmates.
The purpose of our meeting was to discuss some business venture ideas, but most of the time was spent chatting about personal interests. Being the first time we met up since I came out to him, there was a good deal of curiosity about this aspect of my life, which I was more than happy to discuss.
During our conversation, he made an interesting comment to me. He’s known a total of three crossdressers and pointed out, “…but you’re the only normal one.” He shared with me that the other crossdressers both exhibited negative, degrading feminine behavior in girl-mode – the kind of behavior that most women would (and trans folk should) find insulting. I certainly did.
The way he described their behavior was basically a poorly done, exaggerated impression of a woman acted out by someone who does not think very highly of the female gender. Imagine a silly, no-class comedic high-pitched female vocal impression repeatedly explaining how dumb she is because she’s just a dumb little girl and as such, not very bright. Imagine this kind of behavior playing out during a gathering – a constant display of exaggerated female behavior in the form of a dumb little girl. If I were to find myself in the company of such a person, I would probably share a few choice words with them and remove myself from their company.
Sometimes it’s very clear why often we get such a bad rap. Many people get the wrong impression of us on the whole because of contact with some very troubled people who also happen to be transgendered and/or hearing stories about such people from friends.
Every “group” has its bad examples. I’m all for people being themselves and living their life to the fullest in whatever makes them happy (barring that which is harmful to others). At the same time, I do not agree with such a poor display just because it comes from another crossdresser. If anything, I’m that much more insulted by it. An idiot is still an idiot regardless of gender expression.
I’m glad my friend finally got to meet a positive example of a crossdresser. Even more powerful is the fact that we’ve known each other for many years and he now associates my many positive attributes with my femme-side as well. Should the topic of crossdressing be brought up in future conversations between him and others, he will probably talk about the multi-talented, down to earth, “normal” one: me. I hope he remembers to bring up the fact that us “normal” ones are also plentiful, as I explained to him. Somehow the poor examples always seem to stand out more, but that is true in all facets of human nature and not limited to the transgender spectrum. Perhaps in time, more people will understand that.
As usual, I use the word “normal” with quotes around it because there really is no such thing as normal. There is only that which popular opinion perceives and acknowledges as common (and usually desirable) traits.
If you found yourself in the company of an idiot or jerk who also happened to be a crossdresser, what would you do? Would you put up with their poor behavior simply because they have but a single thing in common with you? Would you explain to them that perhaps they might benefit from behavior modifications?
Please take a moment to share your thoughts.