Tag Archives: depression

Getting Busted and Learning to Hate Myself

crying on bed

It seems like a million years ago and just yesterday at the same time. I was 12 years old and it was undoubtedly the single most traumatic event of my youth. The devastating emotional impact lasted for many years after.

I first realized my desire to dress in women’s clothes at about the age of 3 or 4. I didn’t know what it all meant, but I knew enough to keep it a secret. It’s interesting that even at such a young age, the social taboo of crossdressing was already heavily cemented in my mind. It seems like from the time I was born, I was taught of the need to fit in to the socially accepted norm of the “male gender role” because of my genitals. How else would a 4 year old know to guard this little secret as if his life depended on it?
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Until Society Has Their Way With Them

I had very troubled teen years. Sure, most teens have their struggles, but I was an emotional wreck who couldn’t fit in socially to save my life and suffered from chronic depression. As a result, my parents sent me to a psychiatrist. It did me good and I leaned a lot about myself. I eventually chose to discontinue therapy after realizing that I was just going to him to complain about my life rather than work through my problems. In more than a decade of therapy, I never told him I was a crossdresser. The whole time, I was in fact in denial about it myself. After all, society frowns heavily on such things.
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